Heartbreaker

On the IPOD "Heatbreaker" by: Pat Benatar

I have been very lucky in my adult life that my Mom has been relatively healthy (knock on wood) so when I walked into her house yesterday morning and saw her pretty much throwing stuff out of the medicine cabinet looking for aspirin because she felt like she was having a heart attack the whole dealing with a sick parent feeling rushed back in... When my dad was sick my parents house was like a cancer ward...there were "treatment rooms" (lines of meds and new monitors and such), the cafeteria (better known as the kitchen), lots and lots of calendars with doctors appointments and medicine charts, and wheelchairs and walkers. At one point we even had a plan of action that I printed off the computer that had questions like "how are we feeling today?" and "What is your current pain level?" Believe me when I say I hope to not go through all that again. Anyways back to my mom...so i told her to sit down I got her the aspirin and then my aunt rushed her to the er and I met them there. They did an EKG and took a blood sample and then we just sat there... a package of cheese-its later and after about 4 hours they finally moved us to a room in the heart hospital for further testing. On a side note there is something about a hospital that makes me hungry, I'm sure it has to do with being nervous and needing a form of comfort (ding ding ding "food".)

My mom is one of my best friends...I tell her everything and we talk probably on average 6 to 8 times a day. It has not always been this way...from the time I was about 8 until hmmm 23, alright 25, I pretty much thought I knew everything...but since then we have grown to completely appreciate each other's company. Even during the rough times I was still extremely close to both of my parents (my brothers actually used to make fun of me for it), but I guess I never wanted to have regrets and i was still pretty young and at home when my father first got sick so I think I was more aware of the limited time we might have with him. My mom is sometimes a little rough on me, she doesn't really sugar coat things and I sometimes feel her having a hard time restraining herself from making comments about what I'm eating. The funny thing is that if I watch too much then I get the "Amanda, you can't get crazy about this , you have to eat!!!" and if I waver I get, "Amanda, is that really worth it?" It actually has become quite comical lately. I would be lying if I told you that I don't worry on a regular basis about losing my mom... And I think when I worry i tend to get sad and then I tend to eat. So lets just say that yesterday was a very hard battle. This morning I cancelled work and I'm going to head up to the hospital to see how the echo cardiogram is going. I will fill you in this afternoon... I'm missing my comments I would love to hear from you guys!

xoxo chef a