Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Off Switch

On the IPOD "This Is The Thing" By: Fink

Are you kidding 3am??? I am so over you! I tried to just lay there but after about an hour I gave up and decided to make myself some oatmeal, so here I am again at 4 o'clock in the morning starring at the computer screen... So since I'm not about to throw up at the moment let's discuss food! I actually pulled over to the grocery last night in the rain because I just had to have raisins, who knows why...raisins are not even my thing, I'm more of a dried apricot or pear kind of girl, but on Tuesday night the only thing I wanted was a small box of raisins, unfortunately the craving didn't last too long by about the second raisin I was kind of over it!

Another funny thing that I've noticed while pregnant is that I actually have an off switch. For the natural skinnies out there let me explain... I have never in my life had an off switch and by off switch I mean that thing inside you that tells you that you're full...Yeah! never had it...I mean I have never uttered the phrase "Oh I just can't even taste that I'm so full!" And I've also never participated in the four M&M grab...really all you need is four??? On the other hand, I have always been able to eat when I'm hungry, tired, sad, happy, and even when there is no way my stomach could possibly have any room left. The first time the off switch came on was about 3 weeks ago and I was shocked. We were eating lunch somewhere and all of the sudden half way through I just stopped and realized that I couldn't put another thing into my mouth. It wasn't a nauseous feeling, it was just a you're done kind of feeling... I'm hoping that for the rest of my life I can feel the you're done feeling but who am I kidding...

xoxo chef a

Monday, June 28, 2010

A Posh Tot

On the IPOD "Wonderful" By: Annie Lennox

As planned on Sunday afternoon Mike and I went to go and pick up the crib. Now a funny back story on the crib... Father's day weekend my mom and I decided to go a little baby shopping, yes I'm aware its still early but we've known for sooooo long neither of us could take it any longer. And we were only shopping for cribs no clothes or anything, but after 7 baby stores I was in tears because nothing felt right. So we went back to the house to regroup. I think the tears part came from the fact that I had already looked at a website called "" (don't do it, it is really not fair to yourself) and fell in love with a Bratt antique white iron crib and lets just say nothing matched up. Well I knew that there was no way we were going to spend a ridiculous amount of money on just a crib. So I had a fleeting thought... Hey I'll just check "Craig's List". And there it was under the title "Never Used Bratt Antique White Iron Crib For Sale."

So before I could look any further I had emailed the owner and by Monday night, a check had been written and I had made my fist Craig's list purchase ever. Come to find out the only reason it was never used is because they believe in co-sleeping...well that won't be a problem in this house! Mike would over rule that before the idea would even come out of my mouth, Oh wait, it would never come out of my mouth! :) So here I sit starring at a crib that Mike referred to as the heaviest crib in the world (I mean I really doubt that but he had to carry it...) I still think it's just a little too early to put it together but pretty soon this room will be transformed into a nursery! Wow I can't wait!

Other than that I'm still shocked that at the end of 3 months with no dancing I've actually lost weight...Well here's to hoping I can continue to stay within a decent number, not for vanity's sake but for every one's health involved!

xoxo chef a

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Baby Bump Etiquette

On the IPOD "Whattya Want From Me" by: Adam Lambert

So all of the sudden yesterday morning I woke up and was pregnant... Well to be honest it really started on Thursday night...As I was leaving my mom's house she said to me, "Oh, I see a little baby bump!" Of course the overweight girl in me came out and I was devastated...When I got home I stared in the mirror thinking, oh my goodness I'm going to have to come to grips with this because it's the first time in my life that sucking in doesn't at least work a little...

To top it off while I was looking at some baby stuff at a local store the saleswoman did the unthinkable... she touched my baby bump. I guess she was feeling for the baby... I was so taken back that I just stood there in awe that someone would actually think that this type of behavior was normal. Let me go ahead and say that it is not acceptable to touch a 3 month pregnant girl's belly. I don't even let my own husband touch my stomach let alone some stranger. I mean I know that I'm not in control of what my body does at the moment, but I would at least like to think that I can control who touches it. Maybe I'll feel different about it when I'm like 8 months pregnant but right now when I'm extremely moody, nauseous, and self conscience it could result in someone getting slapped across the face!

Sunday is my Dad's birthday, he would have been 75 years old. Mike and I are going to go visit his grave on the way to pick up the crib that I couldn't live without (obviously not from the saleswoman who touched my stomach!!) It should make everything very real! Hope everyone is having a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

xoxo chef a

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


On the IPOD "Listen to Your Heart" by: DHT Feat. Edmee

I have to start out by apologizing for being a little MIA lately. It is not because I don't want to has more to do with my unfortunate closeness to the bathroom. To date I have tried everyone's potions: meds, hard candies, ginger, seabands, ect. But unfortunately this child is completely running the show... I am hoping that in just a couple of weeks I can get back to writing more frequently. At this point I'm really just trying to make it through my work day and then after that I pretty much check out.

To my close friends who are wondering why I never pick up the phone after say 2pm please understand it is not you... it is me...I know that you are calling to check on me which I completely appreciate, but the afternoons and evenings are just not good times for me. If there is something urgent please feel free to text me and I will get back to you asap.

I wish I could tell you what I'm making at work or give you a recipe or two but the less I think about food the better! I'm going to try and check in at least once a day going forward even if I just write a paragraph. We will see how it goes! Thank you all for sticking with the blog and listening to me discuss these unfortunate side effects. Please know that soon enough I will be back to my old self!

xoxo chef a

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Missing Someone...

On the IPOD "Someone to Watch Over Me" By: Renee Olstead

Holidays are a funny thing... You can try as hard as you want to make it "a different kind of special" after someone is gone, but I think most of the time it just ends up being different.

Today we spent Father's Day at my sister-in-law's house with my in-laws, who I absolutely adore, but unfortunately it just wasn't a good day for me. First of all I don't feel good, I'm tired, and I'm throwing up constantly. On top of all that joy I'm an emotional wreck...I cry at almost every commercial, I actually had a mini breakdown in a baby store over their unfortunate selection of baby furniture on Saturday and today I realized that selfishly the only person I really want to hang out with on Father's Day is my own father. I'm fully aware that next year will be different because we will have a baby and Mike will be a Dad, but as far as today is concerned...I'm over it!

I can't help but feel horribly angry and sad that my Dad is not here... And I still can't believe that he will never really know his grandchild and that he is not here to remind me after a bad day that everything will be okay. I wish I could say that just being with Mike's dad was enough, but it wasn't. I thought about how weird it is that both my brothers and my mom are off doing others things with other people all with the constant reminder that just two years ago this day was so different. Not a sad day but a day to celebrate our Dad.

Maybe I would feel different about it if I was older or my dad had been older when he died, but because I wasn't and he wasn't, it sort of still feels like he was stolen from my life. I actually thought in my head today will there ever be a happy new occasion that isn't sort of stained by the fact that he is not here to share it with us... I'm pretty sure that the answer is no and I guess I'm okay with that because I would rather it be a little sad and be able to remember him than to just forget and move on.

I do hope that all of the father's out there had a wonderful day and to all of you in my position I hope you were able to remember all of the special things that made your dad the best dad in the world!

xoxo chef a

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Pregnancy Body Image

On the IPOD "Landslide" By: Fleetwood Mac

I'm not exactly sure how some of you are going to take this but to be true and honest to myself it needs to be discussed and hopefully you will see my side of it without feeling the need to tell me to get over it... :)

I know that there are many women out there who get pregnant and are able to just let themselves go. They see their bodies changing and they somehow embrace it and realize it's for a great cause, they are growing a baby. I wish that I could say that... I wish that I didn't have guilt over each craving, but I do. And I wish that I could someday see myself wanting to mold my pregnant belly with paper mache and hang it on our wall, but I can guarantee that will never happen in this house!

I have not gained any weight thus far...due mainly to the fact that I can't keep a whole lot down. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm a little scared about not having morning sickness..... I'm scared of losing control and gaining too much. I'm scared of how I will perceive myself. And I'm most scared of being completely overwhelmed in 7 months with a new baby and massive weight to lose.

The book I'm reading told me to look at my body in the mirror and see the changes going on... Obviously the lady who wrote the book has no experience with body image issues...I'm not talking about small issues with your body ie: my butt's too big, I'm too short, too tall, my boobs suck, etc. I am referring to the people out there whether skinny, chubby, or fat, who have debilitating feelings about their body. Those of us who have cancelled plans while crying in the mirror because we can't find something to wear that looks decent. Or have honestly wanted to beat a photographer for taking a picture of us. I'm a tad bit better about it now but I'm far from perfect... I decided to go ahead and partake in her little exercise, I took off my clothes and gazed into the mirror. I wish I could say that I got all teary eyed and saw my growing belly as a home for this precious little baby inside but in reality it pretty much just looks like I've eaten too much! I'm going to go ahead and say that this exercise really didn't do much for me today...I'm thinking that maybe it would be best to look again at say 6 months pregnant when it looks like there is really a baby in there, but for now I'm content with staying far away from naked mirror shots of myself and will instead just try to embrace the feeling of being preggers.

I think that these "feelings" are going to need to be talked about from time to time because I can't imagine them just vanishing. But please don't misunderstand me, I am absolutely thrilled about carrying this baby, we have spent lots of time, money and heartache trying to get to this point and we just can not wait until we are able to meet our little one. But in truth most of the books and websites discuss how great you should feel about your expanding waistline and I want to make sure that the women out there who are maybe feeling a tad bit apprehensive about it know that there are others, like me, who are still completely elated about having a baby but have normal, hard to explain fears about what is happening to their bodies in the process. I just can't imagine going through the feelings I'm having and not having you to talk to about it. It saddens me to think that there might be some of you out there who are embarassed about not feeling thrilled about your image in the mirror and I just want to make sure that you are aware that it is really not that uncommon, it is just not discussed enough.

xoxo chef a

Monday, June 14, 2010

Dream a Little Dream...

On the IPOD "Dream a Little Dream " By: The Glee Cast

Even though there are lots of tell all books about pregnancy, most of them leave out a couple of things to expect starting in your first trimester.

Number 1: they all say you are going to be tired the first 2 months after you find out that your expecting but they don't really tell you that it in actuality it is more than just might as well tell your friends and family that you are going on vacation because it is like your body wont move. I had big plans to finish my blog post yesterday but unfortunately my mind and body weren't on board. They were both in a distant far away land called "passed out!"

Number 2: About two weeks ago I started having the craziest vivid dreams. I wouldn't call them good necessarily...They are more like an episode of CSI. I'll give you an example because we live in superstitious land at this house, where you are not supposed to give all of the details of a bad dream:

The dream takes place in a bar in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. I am sitting at the bar with a girl I went to elementary school with, who haven't seen in 15 years. I happen to be nine months pregnant! We are discussing the missing person case of another friend of ours who we both suspect was murdered! dun dun dunnnnnn! Then somewhere out of the blue I go into labor and within 10 minutes give birth to a small litter of kittens...who I then go on to try and nurse in the middle of the bar!

This is honestly what the dreams are weird. When I was talking to a friend of mine the next day who has two little boys, I said, "Do you remember having weird dreams while you were preggers? Her response was, "Yeah those were the best dreams I've ever had, mine were xxx rated!"

Wow, where the hell are my xxx rated dreams, cause I'm over giving birth to kittens, Thank you very much! I'm hoping that this is just the beginning and my xxx rated dreams will come. I mean I don't want to miss out on the joys of being pregnant!

Some readers have asked me what I'm craving at the moment: I would have to say that the main thing is fruit, I just can't seem to get enough. My favorites include strawberries, peaches, pears, watermelon, cantaloupe and really good blackberries and cherries. The only other thing that I can think of that I want is a really good chocolate chip cookie. I am definitely over crackers at the moment and most proteins and I are in a fight...

Here's to hoping we all have some xxx rated dreams....
xoxo chef a

Friday, June 11, 2010

The claws are coming out!

On the IPOD "Straighten Up and Fly Right" by: Natalie Cole

Getting married and having a baby are two of the times in a woman's life that she will unfortunately see the claws come out. It shouldn't be that way but sometimes it just is. I think in general it is in our DNA to be slightly jealous when a friend or family member that is close to our own age is going through either of these life changing events.

During the last 3 weeks I have noticed slight changes in my friendships. I have some friends that are thrilled and excited about every part of it, some who might be a little jealous but have been incredible especially knowing my past experiences while pregnant, and then others who I'm pretty sure have fallen off the face of the earth, if I do hear from them it is far and few between and they usually call to discuss their own drama.

I do understand it, kind of. I mean it's difficult when you see your friends going through a new stage in their life. And maybe it's something you want... I mean my take on it would be different...but I'm trying to respect their boundaries. When my friends got married before me, I wanted to be as involved as possible. When they had babies I have been there for every milestone they've reached. I'm not saying I was never jealous, but the fact is that it is more exciting for me to be involved than to walk away from it. I do know what it feels like to want something so badly that you would go to any means necessary to get it, but I wouldn't turn away my allies in the process.

The good thing is that all of this cattiness is not phasing me! I've got my eyes on the prize and I'm trying to enjoy every part of it, minus the "cookie tossing."

Hopefully at some point during the next 7 months, the girls who are having the issues will come around. We will see...lucky for them they have this blog that allows them to be totally part of it without letting me know that they actually care... So if you are reading this remember that it is really only worth it to be jealous of me if you have been with someone for almost 13 years and you are still not married or pregnant because then you would be in a worse predicament than I was just a year ago!! So if that's the case hate away...otherwise just remember that you are on an incredible journey and when you get there you will look back just as I do today and say, "Ok, that was worth it!

xoxo chef a

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream...

On the IPOD "Little House" by: Amanda Seyfried

First item of business...I have a few clients who are going out of town for the summer and although normally I take a break, this year because of our impending baby I would love to pick up a couple of clients. I thought I would offer it up to my readers before the general public. If you are interested in having some delicious nutritious meals that I prepare right in your house using the freshest and best ingredients let me know. You can reach me through email or on the phone 214-460-6579.

So with that out of the way, Yesterday I broke down and had an ice cream cone for lunch. It was really the only thing that sounded edible as the thought of real food is really making my stomach turn these days. I have to say it was fantastic...a single scoop of peppermint ice cream on a sugar cone. To be honest I can not remember how long it's been since I stepped foot in an ice cream store... I have to admit that while walking in I did think, "Oh god, these people are probably thinking, poor little chubby girl who cant stop eating ice cream."

And I did feel like I needed to scream from the roof top, "I'm pregnant and the baby wants the ice cream it's not me!" When I got home I of course did the math just to see what I had gotten myself into. Hmmmmm 230 calories 7.5 grams of fat. Actually I'm ok with's not the best choice ever and I'm sure carb wise it's a horrible choice but while I'm tossing my cookies it works and I could always drop the cone from the mix and it would bring the calories down to about 150. At least if I go to the store I can control the amount and I'm not waking up at 2 am eating ice cream. Bonus I got it at Braums and it cost me a whopping $1.35! Pretty good deal!

Now that I've been up since 4am, I'm tired again, imagine that... Time for a power nap! Have a great day today!

xoxo chef a

Monday, June 7, 2010

The Other Side Effects...

On the IPOD "Paperweight" by: Joshua Radin

When you are a young girl you are told about the dreaded morning sickness when you get pregnant, I mean it's in every movie, book, and t.v. show. But I ask you very calmly why doesn't anybody discuss the other unfortunate side effects. They don't tell you that in fact morning sickness can last all day or that your boobs will feel like they are on fire. They also forget about the pulling and cramping that you'll feel as a nice little room is built inside you. Of course nobody discusses the bathroom issues or the fact that I could give a heavy beer drinker a run for his money with all the belching going on (for the record I don't think in the almost 13 years that Mike and I have been together I have ever burped in front of him...until now.) Soooo attractive!

I do know that this is just the beginning of this fun yet embarrassing roller coaster ride that I am on and I haven't forgotten the prize at the end. But if I have to see another disgusting public bathroom, I'm going to throw up literally! :)

Let me give you a little low down of the restrooms that I've visit:

Walmart and Target- Pretty much always a good choice, they keep them decently clean.
CVS and Walgreens- This is a toss up can be good and can be really bad
Dicks sporting goods- This has possibilities unfortunately I had a horrible experience
Tom Thumb- I'll give it a thumbs up
Albertsons and Kroger- Not good experiences for me, but it might depend on how new the store is
7-11- Run far away, still giving me nightmares
Starbucks- downtown- public bathroom not a good choice, suburbs- not bad
Central Market/Whole Foods- always very clean and usually has nice smelling soap
Lucky Brand Store- actually very nice, although I'm pretty sure the girl working there could hear me getting sick since she asked if she could get me a chair to sit down in.

That is all that I can remember at this time but I will update you when I deem it necessary.

The only cravings I'm having at the moment are popsicles and lolly pops and I've been trying to eat at least a little peanut butter everyday so that I get some amount of protein since I'm off any other sources of it. Weight wise I'm doing perfect I have had some weight loss that the doctor said is totally normal and good for the moment. And I actually feel pretty in control of my food choices. To tell you the truth I have been a little scared about losing that control but as of today it's there and in full force.

Mike got me into the pool this weekend and it was really nice and relaxing. It is completely ridiculous that it is already 102* the first week of June in Dallas. It should make for an interesting summer...

xoxo chef a

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Missing Nia...

On the IPOD "All that Jazz" by: Various Artists (Chicago- The Musical)

Oh, how I miss Nia... I have been taking Nia classes since September and it has changed my life. I never though in a million years that I would actually find a workout class that I can't stand to be away from. But when my doctor said at the last visit that considering my past pregnancy history he felt that it would be better to not dance until we can get a better look at the baby (to be reassuring to everyone we have seen a heartbeat and everything is in the right place...)in a couple of weeks, I agreed to sacrifice! :)

I miss every part of it though: the music, the moves, but most importantly I miss the people. I have made some of the most incredible friends and I miss them terribly! Although I feel their love from a distance, I'm really ready to be back... There is something about dancing that makes you feel relaxed and allows you to let go of whatever drama you brought into the room. It is ultimately freeing! I cant wait for the baby to experience the calm of dancing to some of the best music out there and to be a part of this special community!

To my friends: I miss your bright and shining faces! I hope that nobody is stealing my spot mainly because I don't want to have to steal someone else's spot when I get back because I will be back...I have had a big talk with the baby and I think we have come to an understanding that dancing is just a must even if I have to break out level 1/2 which I'm pretty sure relates closely to 6th grade slow dancing! :)

My hope for you out there is that you find an activity that you love as much as I love dancing because it will change your life. It will change the way you see yourself and your body. And most importantly it will allow you to be in the now and that seems to be a hard place to get to in this fast paced society that we have built...

I'm going to go and eat a cracker before you know who has a freaking conniption!

xoxo chef a