Tuesday, October 28, 2014


On the iPod "A Thousand Years" By: Christina Perri

How to be your authentic self. 

I'm not going to lie I've been wrestling with this sentence for almost a month now. And that is in fact why the blog has been a bit silent.  I've been struggling to find a voice that I hid a few years ago.  Don't get me wrong, It wasn't really hidden as much as I think I put it away for safe keeping...

When I started to write this blog, I promised myself that I would only write my truth and well some of that has been painful, not only for me but also for those close to me.

Pain is not always a bad thing, it can actually be empowering.  And I'm happy to say that the blog gave me 


It was an addictive kind of strength.  I can't even describe what it is like to walk into a room of people who have read what in all honesty is like your personal diary.  I have never been embarrassed about anything I've written in these pages because it is who I am. 

But then I was surprised ...

and I somehow started to believe that my openness, my truth...That innate quality that I have that draws people in was somehow my weakness.  And something in me shut down... out of protection.

I can't tell you how many times in the last two and a half years I sat in front of the computer screen trying to find the words.  The REAL words.  My authentic self...but then the weakness came over me and I started thinking more about how my words would be received and less about why I needed to say them and was left with no words.  It is funny how that works! 

There have been many around me who question my openness and see it as a weakness.  And I have let the thoughts and fears of others influence what I was willing to share. But I am done with that. Being silent is not a REAL form of protection.  

There are some of you out there who will never know the strength that comes from being authentic. You will read my words and in your head you will wonder why I have to write all of this and you might even whisper about me to your friends.  But then you will put your kids to bed at night and secretly hope that I have written a new post.  You will wonder how I can touch on so many feelings you have and you might even be shocked by how much we have in common even though I am obviously so different from you...

xoxo chef a