Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Andi with an i

On the IPOD "The Lucky One" by: Alison Krauss & Union Station

We have a family dog. Her name is Andi, I call her andi, andilucy, lucy, luse and she is a 16 year old Black Lab. She was best friends with my dad... they listened to lots and lots of music together and had lots and lots of snacks together including a late night snack at about 2:30 AM everyday. Every morning Andi would meet me at the back door when I got there and race me to the room my dad was in so that we could jump on his bed and wake him up. It was a tradition that was important to all three of us. During that 20 minutes or so my father and I would discuss our plans for the day and Andi would perform tricks, when she had enough she would bark until one of us rewarded her with some type of treat. I always figured that when he went she would follow quickly, but she just kept going and I began to believe that she was watching over us for him. She, like me, has a love for carbohydrates...there were many times that we would come home to an empty bread bag and we even once came home and she had opened a Godiva chocolate box and was eating the flavors she liked and had even spit a couple out that she didn't. Chocolate never seemed to phase her, she is my kind of girl.

She has been a great dog. She has also not been feeling so hot lately. I have been back and forth with the vet discussing how I would know when it was time to let her go. He told me that it was really up to me and that there are a couple of questions I should ask myself, 1) Does she have quality of life? 2) Am I keeping her here for me or is it for her? For months now I have answered pretty quickly, she seemed to still be getting joy out of life and was still wagging her tail so she must be happy. Well two days ago she spit out one of her beloved treats, I can't imagine how bad she must feel to not want a cookie...it can't be good.

My mom called tonight and said that she thinks it is time to let her go... As much as I have known that this was coming it still breaks my heart that the time is really here. It is like losing another part of my dad. I know in my heart that it is unfair to keep her here for me but unfortunately it doesn't make it any easier. The reason I chose the song tonight is because It is the song that we were playing for my dad as he took his last breath. It seemed appropriate to honor Andi in the same way...I have to be honest and say that I am still wishing that when I wake up in the morning she will have made a complete turnaround, but that is probably selfish. I do love her and I will miss her, but I know she will be with my dad and that makes me feel a little better.

I hate that this week has been sort of a downer. It is real life though...it seems as if stuff just happens in bunches. I am hoping to deal with this grief without the crutch of food...We will see how it goes...

Goodnight all
xoxo chef a

Update: I ended up at my mom's house at about midnight...it has been a rough night. She is refusing to even eat bread so I know its time...I never thought I would get so emotionally attached to a dog, but I have. Funny enough I thought it was only fair to her to explain what is going to happen this morning...she seems pretty ok with it. I will miss her! xoxo Andi with an i.

4 comments:

ATR said...

I'm so sorry, Amanda! I wish there was something to say to make it all better, but there's not. All I can say is that you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love to you during this hard time.

Stacy K. said...

ohhh andi! :(

mells bells said...

sorry for your loss! stay strong. xo

jamieswartz1 said...

bye bye andi...i will miss your barking in the background!! xo