Hungry...

On the IPOD "Fix You" By: Coldplay

Although I had a great time with chef friends in Denver, I'm so glad to be in my own bed at my own house. I was hoping to post while I was there but I just ran out of time...

I cant wait to tell you all about the conference, but right now I am busy writing menus for clients this week. My menu for tomorrow is:

Turkey Meatballs with Homemade Marinara
Spinach Souffle
Shredded Chicken Enchiladas with Rojo Sauce
Roasted Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprout Medley
Chicken Souvlaki Skewers
Hummus, Tabouli, and Fresh Pita
Shrimp Fried Rice with Stir-fried Vegetables
Egg Salad
Roasted Chicken
Mashed Ruby Sweet Potatoes
Spaghetti Bolognese

Other than cooking...The baby has definitely gained an appetite over the weekend so I'm trying to learn how to control it slightly so I don't go overboard. I guess the good thing is that my eyes are much bigger than my stomach so even when I think I can eat, it sometimes ends with just a bite. I'm giving myself a full day to recoup before I step on the dreaded scale until then I'm hoping for the best! Two of my younger cousins are coming to spend the week with me, Alexis(16) and Lindsay(almost 5), we are going to have lots of fun and some much needed girl time!

I promise to check in later with a full update from the conference...

xoxo chef a

The Birthday Wish

On the IPOD "It Doesn't Hurt" By: Katie Thompson (this girl has an unbelievable voice so worth checking out!)

I really had one of the most amazing birthdays this year...after having a wonderful weekend celebrating with my husband and family, and then having another celebration at Nia on Tuesday, I was sort of perplexed as to what to do on Wednesday (the real day.) After close friends started calling me and asking what the plans were I decided to ask a small group of my oldest girl friends, who have truly been an inspiration to my life this year, to join me for dinner at Kobe Steaks, a Japanese Hibachi style restaurant.

As it got closer to Wednesday I really started to realize what an amazing year it has truly been. Although at times I feel like I have only scratched the surface of my food issues, when I really look back at the steps that I have made to change my life and the honesty in which I've gone about it, I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself. I never thought I would ever be able to let the world in to this internal battle that I have faced alone since the age of about nine. And I really never could have believed that my insecurities would become a topic of daily conversation. But yet here I am starring into a computer screen excited about what the next year will unfold.

The minute I blew out my first birthday candle this year I realized how much things have truly changed... It was the first birthday wish that didn't start out, "Please just let me be skinny by next year!" For the first time ever I knew that I didn't need a wish or prayer to get me where I want to be, because I finally trust myself that I'm fully on board to changing my life. I'm not looking for a quick fix or a miracle cure but instead I'm looking for a new path. I have learned that the most important piece of that puzzle is to surround myself with positive friends and to limit my time with those who are not behind me. I have left the pity party that has been stifling my life and have gained the control that I never even knew I wanted.

Even though I have said it before, I will say it again... this journey has been blessed with your support and guidance and I hope that you will continue to follow me on this incredible path.

xoxo chef a

Food Guilt

On the IPOD "Fire and Rain" By: James Taylor

Oh two o'clock why are we best friends this week?? It really makes me miss 4 o'clock who I would much rather spend time with!

I am definitely having mixed feelings about my body and food this week. I'm still waiting for that day that I totally look pregnant and the world around me can see a baby bump instead of what feels like just an expanding waistline... I mean the closest people around me can see a baby bump, Mike, my mom (who informs me on a regular basis...I'm not quite sure I like this by the way!), and some of my friends. But really for me the tell tale sign comes when my pants roll under my belly instead of staying where they should. I feel like I need suspenders! I feel a little guilty telling you this but when I look in the mirror I don't get that, "Oh my goodness there's a baby in there, that's so exciting" feeling. I do get it when I'm laying on the couch and I feel this odd sensation of fluttering in my tummy which I'm pretty sure is the baby moving around, but as far as a love for my body...it's not really there yet.

I said in the last post that I wanted to talk with you about my food issues. I want you to know that this is very hard for me to do because I feel like I should want to eat for the baby's sake. But in truth I am having major control issues... I wish I could tell you the amount of times I have gone back and forth over whether the effects of real sugar products are better than the unknowns of all of the artificial sweeteners out there. I'm a strong believer that fake processed foods lead to overeating and that they are really not a weight loss tool but instead an expensive way to gain weight. But on the other hand I look at the calorie count and I am sometimes persuaded to think that I could eat or drink so much more because of the lower calorie counts of those foods that maybe I should give it another try. The real issue is the guilt that I put on myself about going either way... There are certain foods that I feel comfortable with: fresh fruits and vegetables (and I'm not including treated produce ie:grape flavored apples), real cane sugar, organic dairy products and meats. I feel like I know these products and even with all of the issues in the food industry I still feel confident that if my 95 year old grandmother eats them that they must be ok. But what I question is that when they say that the younger generation will be the first generation to not live longer than their parents did, could it possibly not only be because of environmental issues but could the main problem lie in what we are putting in our bodies. Have we become just another prop in the food industries major marketing plan??

When I was just trying to lose weight and I sometimes felt like I needed help, I did look to all of the low fat/sugar free products to help me on my journey, but have I been misguided? My goals were to lose the most amount of weight as quickly as possible by eating lower calorie foods, exercising and trying to limit the amount of food and times that I ate. Now the tables have turned slightly, I am trying to eat the healthiest foods, still exercising, and trying to eat small meals as often as possible (which can be very difficult when you are used to limiting your intake of food.) All the while feeling like any wrong decision I make is going to somehow screw up my child for the rest of it's life. I mean don't get me wrong I know that it is all about being smart and eating a range of foods. But for as much as I know about the food industry I still feel so confused... I am by no means confident in my food choices and I think that it leads to a sometimes overwhelming amount of guilt.

I hope that this doesn't come across the wrong way or that people think I am too hard on myself, but this is the truth this is what runs through my head everytime I put something into my mouth and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only girl out there who is feeling this way... at least I hope not!

xoxo chef a

Working Out On Empty

On the IPOD "You Lost Me" By: Christina Aguilera

On Tuesday I learned a very important lesson, Listen to your body! You would think that after almost 32 years of life I would know that one, but I think in general I have been ignoring my body most of my life.

This is how the day went... I left the house at around 6 am and headed to the store and to my client's house. After work I picked up a couple of sandwiches for my mom and I and met her at my place so that she could help me go through the closet in the nursery room.(Thank you MOM!) I had a veggie sandwich with cheese (There is no question that I'm having a difficult time eating protein at the moment.) We worked on the closet for a couple of hours and then I took a quick little nap before Nia. On the way to Nia I realized that I hadn't eaten anything since 12 but I was running late and was going to see if they had a bar or something at the studio. Unfortunately they didn't... So instead of listening to my body at this point...I just grabbed my water and headed to class. About 15 minutes into class, I started to feel funny... My leg started cramping and there was no question that my body was letting me know that something wasn't right. But did I listen...nope I just went on with class. After class I met my friend Jamie for dinner and I had a chicken sandwich. On the way home from dinner I was not feeling well at all, so badly in fact that I got extremely sick when I got home. Now I haven't been sick in 5 days so it did make me worry a little, I put a call into my doctor who called right back and had a serious talk with me about making eating a priority and not ever going more than two hours without at least a snack. He said that I let my blood sugar get too low and then worked out and most likely I need more fluids as well.

Of course I'm going to do everything I can to face my recurring food issues head on since obviously they are still causing problems. I mean I've been guilting myself over food for the last 24 years what would make me think that being pregnant would somehow fix it. If anything it is making me even more aware of how much control I give to the numbers on a scale even if in exchange I ignore the truths that my body is obviously screaming at me. I'm going to take the next few days before my birthday to talk openly and honestly with you about how I am truly feeling about food, my body and my health and hopefully it will help me get on the track I need to be for the next 5 1/2 months and maybe even for the rest of my life.

xoxo chef a

I've Been Missing You...

On the IPOD "I'll Be Missing You" By: Puff Daddy feat. Faith Evans & 112

I am so happy to report that I was finally given the go ahead to return to Nia this week. My first dance class was on Saturday and although it will take a little time to trust in myself that I will not mess anything up, there could not have been a better feeling than when I walked through the doors... I never in my life thought that I would actually miss a form of exercise, but low and behold I was soooo wrong!

I think that Nia might be one of the major things that have made the last 2 1/2 months so difficult. I mean weight loss has been a major focus in my life since about September and then all of the sudden I went from working out almost everyday and watching everything I ate to being preggers, not being allowed to work out and eating 75% carbs to try and calm the nausea. And on top of that it is not necessarily something you can openly complain about considering I've been on the other side of not being able to get pregnant!

But now that I'm not throwing up every second and it seems that I will be able to dance, I can be honest and tell you that there has been a part of me that has been missing all of it... not just the Nia classes, but also the feeling that I can somewhat control my diet. I'm by no means saying that I want my goal to be to lose weight right now, but I definitely like the idea that I can try to eat a more well rounded diet and hopefully have a really good and healthy pregnancy.

I am also excited about the fact that I can be a little more into work since food will hopefully never be my enemy again... This means I can discuss recipes and menus again and tell you everything there is to know about the upcoming chef convention and about the exciting class I'm teaching.

Thank you everyone for sticking through this morning sickness mess and supporting me to get back on track!

As for work tomorrow I'm making...

Chicken Fajitas with grilled peppers, refried black beans, and fresh avocado
Mock Fried Rice with Szechuan Grilled Shrimp
Classic Turkey Meatballs
Roasted Broccoli, Cauliflower, and Brussel Sprouts
Baked Crispy Cornflake Chicken Pieces
Fluffy Baby Spinach Souffle
Teriyaki Grilled Salmon
Orzo Salad with Roasted Vegetables

xoxo chef a

So..........

On the IPOD "Can't Go Back Now" By: The Weepies

Yesterday morning was just like any other except that I had an appointment with a specialist for some standard gene testing and a special sonogram to find out the baby's sex.

So there we ALL were, sitting in the waiting room of the doctor and by ALL, I mean Mike and I, my mom, and both of my in laws. My anxiety built a little when it hit me that I was going to be in stirrups with a vaginal probe in while the entire group was in the room but then it all changed...

As the nurse took me back for blood work I calmly asked, "So this is a vaginal probe sonogram right?" She replied quickly, "Oh no, this will be your first just regular old sonogram." Well at that moment all of the air escaped my lungs... "What! you are kidding right... my mind was set on the vaginal probe!" She looked at me in awe..."You would rather have that in front of everyone??" "Um YES, it's a chubby girl thing! The idea of sitting in a room on a table with my belly exposed while being rubbed on is not my idea of a good time!" She laughed. After she took at least a liter of blood she ushered me back to the waiting room.

And then it happened... "Amanda, We are ready for you!" Now let me explain that I really did want everyone to have to opportunity to experience seeing the baby, I just forgot about the fact that it might include me laying on a table not fully clothed.

I'm going to go ahead and say that the girl who was doing the sonogram was having a bad day, her mood was less than happy considering we were about to look at a baby, but in my head I had decided she was probably annoyed with the crowd. So she said, "ok I need you to pull down your bottoms to your bikini line." Um well I didn't even know I had a bikini line but I went ahead and pulled it down to where I was comfortable. Obviously not far enough, she then pulled it down so far I thought maybe we should have a drink first and introduce ourselves. I glanced over to my husband, who at this point was laughing because he could tell how uncomfortable I was! The ultrasound tech then proceeded with the sonogram. Look I am fully aware that she was looking for a baby the size of a lemon inside a tummy that isn't exactly small, but it literally felt like she was taking out her frustrations on me. There was a moment in time when I almost yelled, "Just get the !/?$%@! vaginal probe!!" And that is not something you hear everyday!

After 10 minutes of pain, she explained that the baby was breech and therefore she could not get a good view to guess the sex but that doctor would be in in just a minute to go over the scans... Now the doctor was very gentle, he knew exactly where to press to check what he needed to. He looked at every organ and checked the spine and explained to us that the baby looks great with no signs of a problem. He tried and tried to get the baby to move but of course I'm not surprised that my child would be stubborn, I would actually be more worried if it wasn't. Mike is now completely convinced it's a girl! Im still sticking with a boy, although I might be waivering slightly!

Im going to change gears slightly...the reason I had to rush out so quickly yesterday morning without posting the blog is because my client emailed me in the middle of the night that her dinner party had exploded to almost twice the size! I could have made a big deal about it to the client but honestly when I'm hired it is my job to make the client look good while making my service desirable so sometimes you just have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on with your day. After working a full day of clients making 20 different entrees and then a dinner party serving:

Chopped Salad with Heirloom Tomatoes, Hearts of Palm, English Cucumbers and Balsamic vinegrette

Char-Grilled King Salmon
Sweet and Spicy Corn and Pepper Relish
A large variety of grilled vegetables including local grown squashes and zucchini, bell peppers, organic carrots, and Asparagus

Wild Berry Triffle

Let's just say I really felt preganant by the end of the night!!! FYI my bikini line is covered in bruises, thank you very much ultrasound tech!!

So now we have to wait another 3 weeks before we know what we are having... I guess in a way we are lucky though, I've heard that they are really guessing the sex at 14 weeks anyways, and with my luck they would have guessed wrong!

Just so you know what you are looking at in the picture... the baby is of course facing up, the shadow like image in front of it's face is actually a partial view of the placenta. It is pretty cool what they can see these days!!!

xoxo chef a

Camp Days

On the IPOD "California Girls" By: Katy Perry

So this weekend was amazing! We left Dallas on Friday night after work and got to Waco at about 11:30. My Israel trip "Garin Greene" all had met at a local bar and we were the last to arrive. There is truly nothing better than seeing faces that changed your life. Some I have not seen in 15 years, but I can honestly say that we just picked up where we had left off. There was no fakeness or power struggle, it was just old friends hanging out and talking about their lives. After about an hour at the bar we moved to the hotel and everyone came to hang out in our room. We talked and laughed till 3 in the morning!

The next morning a group of us met for breakfast at IHOP. This might have been my favorite part of the trip, we were loud and funny and real. We gave updates from friends who weren't able to get to camp. Not much has really changed except that we all grew up and most have real jobs now, some are married, some are divorced, some are still looking... a few have kids, a few are pregnant, and some are still growing up themselves. We had at least a 10 minutes discussion about the "Shake Weight" that included demonstrations. We talked about our Israel trip and who we hooked up with. We touched on politics and the real world. And we promised to meet as much as possible! At the end of breakfast we lost a couple, who had to get back and we said our goodbyes and headed to camp.

Not much has changed in Bruceville, Texas. There hasn't been any massive growth, the houses look older but pretty much the same. Camp on the other hand has changed. There are new buildings and a new courtyard, what we used to call the shortcut, which was a steep valley through the middle of camp that was covered in loose rocks and I'm sure sent a few to the infirmary, is now paved and much less steep. There is a new zip line and new lake activities and there is even a zoo! I ran around with everyone about half of the day and then I retired to the arts and crafts room to make lanyards while my husband, along with the rest of the group, went to canoe, which let me assure you was completely fine. We ate dinner and had song session and by that point I was exhausted and although I didn't want to leave everyone and I definitely didn't want to leave camp, I knew we had a long drive home. So we hugged and said our goodbyes and walked to the car while my all time favorite camp song was playing in the background. It was the perfect day!

Of course yesterday I was beat, I think I slept most of the day and only really got up to go over to my friend Amy's house for one final hang out with her and her sister Debbie, who had come in town for the reunion.

It is amazing how much one place changed my life...It is also incredible to have such a strong group of friends who are able to just pick up where they have left off. No explenations, no hard feeling, no harsh expectations, just true friendship that has lasted more than half of our lives. I hope that my kids will be able to have the opportunity to spend their summers at this amazing place in the middle of Texas. And I hope to be back in 5 years so that my four year old can experience it for the first of many times.

To all of my camp friends who have changed my life forever, there is really no way to thank you for the impact you have had in my life other than just to say that I would not be the person I am today without your friendship and I never could have asked for a better group of friends.

xoxo chef a

Camp, Snacks, and Airplanes

On the IPOD "Leaving On A Jet Plane" By: Peter, Paul, and Mary

So the big day has come, as soon as Mike gets off work tonight we are off to the Greene Family Camp Reunion. The best part about it is that tonight a group of kids that I spent an amazing 5 weeks in Europe and Israel with in 1995 are meeting up to talk and reminisce and drink, well that is except for me! I just can't wait for Mike to experience the wonderful place where I truly grew up. Yay!!!!!

Yesterday was the first day that while driving home from work I felt the most intense hungry wave come over me. It was not like my normal, "oh I'm bored maybe I'm hungry..." It was more of a, "Dude, pull over this minute and get a freaking cracker before I hurt you!" And I did...I pulled into the closest gas station and got a bag of crackers. I guess the time has come for me to carry around a stash in my purse!

I finally booked my airfare for the chef convention at the end of July that I'm speaking at! It honestly kills me to pay for airfare... I guess it's the thought that I'm paying $400 for 2 hours (which really ends up being 4 hours because you have to get there so early) of being utterly uncomfortable. I'm all about upgrading but not for a 2 hour work flight! Anyways it should be an interesting trip considering I'll be pregnant and I'll be at a higher altitude, let's all pray that I'm over this sick feeling by then...

I can't wait to get done with work and be on the road to Bruceville, Texas. I'm even more excited to tell you all about it when I get back...even the camp food which by the way, I'm totally looking forward to!! And then two short days after I get back and we will know if we will be seeing blue or pink. What an exciting week that will change everything...

xoxo chef a

Baby Marrone

On the IPOD "We All Fall In Love Sometimes" By: Jeff Buckley (I am fully aware that you have to buy an entire album to hear this song , but it is well worth it if you are a Buckley fan, you can also hear it at Rhapsody.com)

Well this is the newest picture of our little baby... I'm hoping when we go next Tuesday we will find out the sex and get some clearer pictures, but some cool things to note on this pic are the little white dots going across its tummy are of course the rib cage and the thicker white line down the back is the spine. Technology is pretty freaking amazing!!

The rest of the checkup went very well...everything looks good! I've lost a little weight, but I kind of expected that considering that I've been pretty sick at night. The goal from this point on is to eat healthy and try to maintain my weight until I'm feeling better.

I am working a lot this week...here are some of the Summer things I'm making for my clients:

Mexican Chopped Salad with Fiesta Lime Chicken, Homegrown Tomatoes, Black Beans, Roasted Corn, Avocado, and Sharp Cheddar Cheese with a Garlic Herb Vinaigrette

Gourmet Slider Burgers

Angel Hair Pomodoro

Jamaican Jerk Grilled Chicken with Mango Salsa

Creamy Shrimp Salad with Toast Points

Crunchy Oven-Fried Chicken

Peppered Pork Loin with Roasted Garlic Au Jus

Grilled Vegetable Panini

Honey Barbecued King Salmon

Besides that... I'm beyond thrilled about my sleep away camp reunion this weekend!! It will be Mike's first time to experience my summer life as a kid. It is pretty cool to have my two world's kind of collide at least it seems cool now...

Ok well since I seem to be falling asleep over the keyboard...I'm going to take a short nap before work!

xoxo chef a

The "Golden Brown" Menu

On the IPOD "Feels Like Home" By: Edwina Hayes

Well first off I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July and for those of you who get to take today off...I'm so jealous! I instead am doubling up my day today because I have a doctors appointment right in the middle of the day tomorrow.

I have to go on a rant today and I have to be honest and tell you that the hardest part of my job comes in the form of two requests. The first one I don't even have to explain to you..."Can you make me a really healthy, low fat, low calorie, low sugar version of _____ that tastes exactly like the original????" For the record I'm a chef not a magician! The second one is a tad bit more difficult, "I have three kids ages 6, 8, and 10 and I need you to cook healthy food for them that they will eat because all they will eat is junk!"

Unfortunately this is probably the most difficult... This is not your kids problem... it's yours and if you are smart you will try to change your ways now. We are lazy as a society. Our ancestors fought so hard for us to have freedom of choice but we hardly ever use it. How many times in the last year have you ordered your child a kids meal? I mean you're sitting in a great restaurant with lots of choices but your 5 year old in eating chicken nuggets (that the restaurant brings in frozen), Mac and cheese (that is being sold to the restaurants in premade cups that you just throw in the microwave), or a wonderfully processed hot dog. It is so easy to forget that when we were kids there were by far less options. Most of the time in a restaurant our parents ordered off the regular menu and we either shared with them or with each other.

I was lucky. I grew up in a home where my mom cooked every night. And she didn't cook two meals one for us and one for the adults, it was one meal and we hopefully chose to try it. Kids will never learn to try new foods if we continue to serve them the same foods all day long! They are growing up unaware of what real food looks like. They think it comes in a box with heating instructions! I actually had a child say to me two weeks ago that she only likes the apples that come already sliced in a bag. Are you kidding me? I remember losing teeth in the side of an apple! We are creating a society without taste buds. I have yet to open a freezer and not see some form of chicken nugget whether organic, all natural, or all processed. It is still a chicken nugget!

I remember having large family shabbat dinners on Friday nights. The menu was always the same:
Salad
Baked Chicken
Roasted Brisket with carrots and potatoes
Some sort of Green vegetable of the day
And little tiny rolls with poppyseeds on top

The Shabbat dinner I catered last week...the client brought in kids menu from a local restaurant:
Chicken Strips
French Fries
Onion Strings
and pasta with butter

(I saw at least 10 adults eating the kids menu as opposed to the by far healthier and better tasting adult menu)

What is wrong with this picture???? Kids food has turned into it's own food group, "Golden Brown"! I would say the funniest comment I've heard recently is when a child was home from camp one day and she asked me before she left, "Do you think you'll still be cooking when I get home?" My response was, "Most likely, Ive got lots to cook today." She followed up by saying, "Wow, I thought it only took 10 minutes to cook food!"

I'm not trying to be hard on you or even tell you that your child should never eat a chicken nugget again, but I think in general parents are frustrated because they want their kids to be healthier but when kids menus are shoved in your face everyday, and you are tired and stressed out and working too much, it is just easier to order off the "golden brown" menu than it is to argue over broccoli. Unfortunately the difference in generations is that we got chicken nuggets, french fries, and onion rings as a treat. That's why we still get excited sneaking food off the kids table. But for children today it is not a treat, it's just dinner...everyday! So I guess my chef advise is to stop ordering off the kids menu... start allowing your kids to experience real food so that one day when they are on a date thay actually know how to cut their own food and they don't ask for dipping sauce on the side! :)
xoxo chef a

The Off Switch

On the IPOD "This Is The Thing" By: Fink

Are you kidding 3am??? I am so over you! I tried to just lay there but after about an hour I gave up and decided to make myself some oatmeal, so here I am again at 4 o'clock in the morning starring at the computer screen... So since I'm not about to throw up at the moment let's discuss food! I actually pulled over to the grocery last night in the rain because I just had to have raisins, who knows why...raisins are not even my thing, I'm more of a dried apricot or pear kind of girl, but on Tuesday night the only thing I wanted was a small box of raisins, unfortunately the craving didn't last too long by about the second raisin I was kind of over it!

Another funny thing that I've noticed while pregnant is that I actually have an off switch. For the natural skinnies out there let me explain... I have never in my life had an off switch and by off switch I mean that thing inside you that tells you that you're full...Yeah! never had it...I mean I have never uttered the phrase "Oh I just can't even taste that I'm so full!" And I've also never participated in the four M&M grab...really all you need is four??? On the other hand, I have always been able to eat when I'm hungry, tired, sad, happy, and even when there is no way my stomach could possibly have any room left. The first time the off switch came on was about 3 weeks ago and I was shocked. We were eating lunch somewhere and all of the sudden half way through I just stopped and realized that I couldn't put another thing into my mouth. It wasn't a nauseous feeling, it was just a you're done kind of feeling... I'm hoping that for the rest of my life I can feel the you're done feeling but who am I kidding...

xoxo chef a

A Posh Tot

On the IPOD "Wonderful" By: Annie Lennox

As planned on Sunday afternoon Mike and I went to go and pick up the crib. Now a funny back story on the crib... Father's day weekend my mom and I decided to go a little baby shopping, yes I'm aware its still early but we've known for sooooo long neither of us could take it any longer. And we were only shopping for cribs no clothes or anything, but after 7 baby stores I was in tears because nothing felt right. So we went back to the house to regroup. I think the tears part came from the fact that I had already looked at a website called "poshtots.com" (don't do it, it is really not fair to yourself) and fell in love with a Bratt antique white iron crib and lets just say nothing matched up. Well I knew that there was no way we were going to spend a ridiculous amount of money on just a crib. So I had a fleeting thought... Hey I'll just check "Craig's List". And there it was under the title "Never Used Bratt Antique White Iron Crib For Sale."

So before I could look any further I had emailed the owner and by Monday night, a check had been written and I had made my fist Craig's list purchase ever. Come to find out the only reason it was never used is because they believe in co-sleeping...well that won't be a problem in this house! Mike would over rule that before the idea would even come out of my mouth, Oh wait, it would never come out of my mouth! :) So here I sit starring at a crib that Mike referred to as the heaviest crib in the world (I mean I really doubt that but he had to carry it...) I still think it's just a little too early to put it together but pretty soon this room will be transformed into a nursery! Wow I can't wait!

Other than that I'm still shocked that at the end of 3 months with no dancing I've actually lost weight...Well here's to hoping I can continue to stay within a decent number, not for vanity's sake but for every one's health involved!

xoxo chef a

Baby Bump Etiquette

On the IPOD "Whattya Want From Me" by: Adam Lambert

So all of the sudden yesterday morning I woke up and was pregnant... Well to be honest it really started on Thursday night...As I was leaving my mom's house she said to me, "Oh, I see a little baby bump!" Of course the overweight girl in me came out and I was devastated...When I got home I stared in the mirror thinking, oh my goodness I'm going to have to come to grips with this because it's the first time in my life that sucking in doesn't at least work a little...

To top it off while I was looking at some baby stuff at a local store the saleswoman did the unthinkable... she touched my baby bump. I guess she was feeling for the baby... I was so taken back that I just stood there in awe that someone would actually think that this type of behavior was normal. Let me go ahead and say that it is not acceptable to touch a 3 month pregnant girl's belly. I don't even let my own husband touch my stomach let alone some stranger. I mean I know that I'm not in control of what my body does at the moment, but I would at least like to think that I can control who touches it. Maybe I'll feel different about it when I'm like 8 months pregnant but right now when I'm extremely moody, nauseous, and self conscience it could result in someone getting slapped across the face!

Sunday is my Dad's birthday, he would have been 75 years old. Mike and I are going to go visit his grave on the way to pick up the crib that I couldn't live without (obviously not from the saleswoman who touched my stomach!!) It should make everything very real! Hope everyone is having a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

xoxo chef a

Excuses...

On the IPOD "Listen to Your Heart" by: DHT Feat. Edmee

I have to start out by apologizing for being a little MIA lately. It is not because I don't want to write...it has more to do with my unfortunate closeness to the bathroom. To date I have tried everyone's potions: meds, hard candies, ginger, seabands, ect. But unfortunately this child is completely running the show... I am hoping that in just a couple of weeks I can get back to writing more frequently. At this point I'm really just trying to make it through my work day and then after that I pretty much check out.

To my close friends who are wondering why I never pick up the phone after say 2pm please understand it is not you... it is me...I know that you are calling to check on me which I completely appreciate, but the afternoons and evenings are just not good times for me. If there is something urgent please feel free to text me and I will get back to you asap.

I wish I could tell you what I'm making at work or give you a recipe or two but the less I think about food the better! I'm going to try and check in at least once a day going forward even if I just write a paragraph. We will see how it goes! Thank you all for sticking with the blog and listening to me discuss these unfortunate side effects. Please know that soon enough I will be back to my old self!

xoxo chef a

Missing Someone...

On the IPOD "Someone to Watch Over Me" By: Renee Olstead

Holidays are a funny thing... You can try as hard as you want to make it "a different kind of special" after someone is gone, but I think most of the time it just ends up being different.

Today we spent Father's Day at my sister-in-law's house with my in-laws, who I absolutely adore, but unfortunately it just wasn't a good day for me. First of all I don't feel good, I'm tired, and I'm throwing up constantly. On top of all that joy I'm an emotional wreck...I cry at almost every commercial, I actually had a mini breakdown in a baby store over their unfortunate selection of baby furniture on Saturday and today I realized that selfishly the only person I really want to hang out with on Father's Day is my own father. I'm fully aware that next year will be different because we will have a baby and Mike will be a Dad, but as far as today is concerned...I'm over it!

I can't help but feel horribly angry and sad that my Dad is not here... And I still can't believe that he will never really know his grandchild and that he is not here to remind me after a bad day that everything will be okay. I wish I could say that just being with Mike's dad was enough, but it wasn't. I thought about how weird it is that both my brothers and my mom are off doing others things with other people all with the constant reminder that just two years ago this day was so different. Not a sad day but a day to celebrate our Dad.

Maybe I would feel different about it if I was older or my dad had been older when he died, but because I wasn't and he wasn't, it sort of still feels like he was stolen from my life. I actually thought in my head today will there ever be a happy new occasion that isn't sort of stained by the fact that he is not here to share it with us... I'm pretty sure that the answer is no and I guess I'm okay with that because I would rather it be a little sad and be able to remember him than to just forget and move on.

I do hope that all of the father's out there had a wonderful day and to all of you in my position I hope you were able to remember all of the special things that made your dad the best dad in the world!

xoxo chef a

Pregnancy Body Image

On the IPOD "Landslide" By: Fleetwood Mac

I'm not exactly sure how some of you are going to take this but to be true and honest to myself it needs to be discussed and hopefully you will see my side of it without feeling the need to tell me to get over it... :)

I know that there are many women out there who get pregnant and are able to just let themselves go. They see their bodies changing and they somehow embrace it and realize it's for a great cause, they are growing a baby. I wish that I could say that... I wish that I didn't have guilt over each craving, but I do. And I wish that I could someday see myself wanting to mold my pregnant belly with paper mache and hang it on our wall, but I can guarantee that will never happen in this house!

I have not gained any weight thus far...due mainly to the fact that I can't keep a whole lot down. But I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm a little scared about not having morning sickness..... I'm scared of losing control and gaining too much. I'm scared of how I will perceive myself. And I'm most scared of being completely overwhelmed in 7 months with a new baby and massive weight to lose.

The book I'm reading told me to look at my body in the mirror and see the changes going on... Obviously the lady who wrote the book has no experience with body image issues...I'm not talking about small issues with your body ie: my butt's too big, I'm too short, too tall, my boobs suck, etc. I am referring to the people out there whether skinny, chubby, or fat, who have debilitating feelings about their body. Those of us who have cancelled plans while crying in the mirror because we can't find something to wear that looks decent. Or have honestly wanted to beat a photographer for taking a picture of us. I'm a tad bit better about it now but I'm far from perfect... I decided to go ahead and partake in her little exercise, I took off my clothes and gazed into the mirror. I wish I could say that I got all teary eyed and saw my growing belly as a home for this precious little baby inside but in reality it pretty much just looks like I've eaten too much! I'm going to go ahead and say that this exercise really didn't do much for me today...I'm thinking that maybe it would be best to look again at say 6 months pregnant when it looks like there is really a baby in there, but for now I'm content with staying far away from naked mirror shots of myself and will instead just try to embrace the feeling of being preggers.

I think that these "feelings" are going to need to be talked about from time to time because I can't imagine them just vanishing. But please don't misunderstand me, I am absolutely thrilled about carrying this baby, we have spent lots of time, money and heartache trying to get to this point and we just can not wait until we are able to meet our little one. But in truth most of the books and websites discuss how great you should feel about your expanding waistline and I want to make sure that the women out there who are maybe feeling a tad bit apprehensive about it know that there are others, like me, who are still completely elated about having a baby but have normal, hard to explain fears about what is happening to their bodies in the process. I just can't imagine going through the feelings I'm having and not having you to talk to about it. It saddens me to think that there might be some of you out there who are embarassed about not feeling thrilled about your image in the mirror and I just want to make sure that you are aware that it is really not that uncommon, it is just not discussed enough.

xoxo chef a

Dream a Little Dream...

On the IPOD "Dream a Little Dream " By: The Glee Cast

Even though there are lots of tell all books about pregnancy, most of them leave out a couple of things to expect starting in your first trimester.

Number 1: they all say you are going to be tired the first 2 months after you find out that your expecting but they don't really tell you that it in actuality it is more than just tired...you might as well tell your friends and family that you are going on vacation because it is like your body wont move. I had big plans to finish my blog post yesterday but unfortunately my mind and body weren't on board. They were both in a distant far away land called "passed out!"

Number 2: About two weeks ago I started having the craziest vivid dreams. I wouldn't call them good necessarily...They are more like an episode of CSI. I'll give you an example because we live in superstitious land at this house, where you are not supposed to give all of the details of a bad dream:

The dream takes place in a bar in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. I am sitting at the bar with a girl I went to elementary school with, who haven't seen in 15 years. I happen to be nine months pregnant! We are discussing the missing person case of another friend of ours who we both suspect was murdered! dun dun dunnnnnn! Then somewhere out of the blue I go into labor and within 10 minutes give birth to a small litter of kittens...who I then go on to try and nurse in the middle of the bar!

This is honestly what the dreams are like...so weird. When I was talking to a friend of mine the next day who has two little boys, I said, "Do you remember having weird dreams while you were preggers? Her response was, "Yeah those were the best dreams I've ever had, mine were xxx rated!"

Wow, where the hell are my xxx rated dreams, cause I'm over giving birth to kittens, Thank you very much! I'm hoping that this is just the beginning and my xxx rated dreams will come. I mean I don't want to miss out on the joys of being pregnant!

Some readers have asked me what I'm craving at the moment: I would have to say that the main thing is fruit, I just can't seem to get enough. My favorites include strawberries, peaches, pears, watermelon, cantaloupe and really good blackberries and cherries. The only other thing that I can think of that I want is a really good chocolate chip cookie. I am definitely over crackers at the moment and most proteins and I are in a fight...

Here's to hoping we all have some xxx rated dreams....
xoxo chef a

The claws are coming out!

On the IPOD "Straighten Up and Fly Right" by: Natalie Cole

Getting married and having a baby are two of the times in a woman's life that she will unfortunately see the claws come out. It shouldn't be that way but sometimes it just is. I think in general it is in our DNA to be slightly jealous when a friend or family member that is close to our own age is going through either of these life changing events.

During the last 3 weeks I have noticed slight changes in my friendships. I have some friends that are thrilled and excited about every part of it, some who might be a little jealous but have been incredible especially knowing my past experiences while pregnant, and then others who I'm pretty sure have fallen off the face of the earth, if I do hear from them it is far and few between and they usually call to discuss their own drama.

I do understand it, kind of. I mean it's difficult when you see your friends going through a new stage in their life. And maybe it's something you want... I mean my take on it would be different...but I'm trying to respect their boundaries. When my friends got married before me, I wanted to be as involved as possible. When they had babies I have been there for every milestone they've reached. I'm not saying I was never jealous, but the fact is that it is more exciting for me to be involved than to walk away from it. I do know what it feels like to want something so badly that you would go to any means necessary to get it, but I wouldn't turn away my allies in the process.

The good thing is that all of this cattiness is not phasing me! I've got my eyes on the prize and I'm trying to enjoy every part of it, minus the "cookie tossing."

Hopefully at some point during the next 7 months, the girls who are having the issues will come around. We will see...lucky for them they have this blog that allows them to be totally part of it without letting me know that they actually care... So if you are reading this remember that it is really only worth it to be jealous of me if you have been with someone for almost 13 years and you are still not married or pregnant because then you would be in a worse predicament than I was just a year ago!! So if that's the case hate away...otherwise just remember that you are on an incredible journey and when you get there you will look back just as I do today and say, "Ok, that was worth it!

xoxo chef a

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream...

On the IPOD "Little House" by: Amanda Seyfried

First item of business...I have a few clients who are going out of town for the summer and although normally I take a break, this year because of our impending baby I would love to pick up a couple of clients. I thought I would offer it up to my readers before the general public. If you are interested in having some delicious nutritious meals that I prepare right in your house using the freshest and best ingredients let me know. You can reach me through email AmandaM037@aol.com or on the phone 214-460-6579.

So with that out of the way, Yesterday I broke down and had an ice cream cone for lunch. It was really the only thing that sounded edible as the thought of real food is really making my stomach turn these days. I have to say it was fantastic...a single scoop of peppermint ice cream on a sugar cone. To be honest I can not remember how long it's been since I stepped foot in an ice cream store... I have to admit that while walking in I did think, "Oh god, these people are probably thinking, poor little chubby girl who cant stop eating ice cream."

And I did feel like I needed to scream from the roof top, "I'm pregnant and the baby wants the ice cream it's not me!" When I got home I of course did the math just to see what I had gotten myself into. Hmmmmm 230 calories 7.5 grams of fat. Actually I'm ok with that...it's not the best choice ever and I'm sure carb wise it's a horrible choice but while I'm tossing my cookies it works and I could always drop the cone from the mix and it would bring the calories down to about 150. At least if I go to the store I can control the amount and I'm not waking up at 2 am eating ice cream. Bonus I got it at Braums and it cost me a whopping $1.35! Pretty good deal!

Now that I've been up since 4am, I'm tired again, imagine that... Time for a power nap! Have a great day today!

xoxo chef a

The Other Side Effects...

On the IPOD "Paperweight" by: Joshua Radin

When you are a young girl you are told about the dreaded morning sickness when you get pregnant, I mean it's in every movie, book, and t.v. show. But I ask you very calmly why doesn't anybody discuss the other unfortunate side effects. They don't tell you that in fact morning sickness can last all day or that your boobs will feel like they are on fire. They also forget about the pulling and cramping that you'll feel as a nice little room is built inside you. Of course nobody discusses the bathroom issues or the fact that I could give a heavy beer drinker a run for his money with all the belching going on (for the record I don't think in the almost 13 years that Mike and I have been together I have ever burped in front of him...until now.) Soooo attractive!

I do know that this is just the beginning of this fun yet embarrassing roller coaster ride that I am on and I haven't forgotten the prize at the end. But if I have to see another disgusting public bathroom, I'm going to throw up literally! :)

Let me give you a little low down of the restrooms that I've visit:

Walmart and Target- Pretty much always a good choice, they keep them decently clean.
CVS and Walgreens- This is a toss up can be good and can be really bad
Dicks sporting goods- This has possibilities unfortunately I had a horrible experience
Tom Thumb- I'll give it a thumbs up
Albertsons and Kroger- Not good experiences for me, but it might depend on how new the store is
7-11- Run far away, still giving me nightmares
Starbucks- downtown- public bathroom not a good choice, suburbs- not bad
Central Market/Whole Foods- always very clean and usually has nice smelling soap
Lucky Brand Store- actually very nice, although I'm pretty sure the girl working there could hear me getting sick since she asked if she could get me a chair to sit down in.

That is all that I can remember at this time but I will update you when I deem it necessary.

The only cravings I'm having at the moment are popsicles and lolly pops and I've been trying to eat at least a little peanut butter everyday so that I get some amount of protein since I'm off any other sources of it. Weight wise I'm doing perfect I have had some weight loss that the doctor said is totally normal and good for the moment. And I actually feel pretty in control of my food choices. To tell you the truth I have been a little scared about losing that control but as of today it's there and in full force.

Mike got me into the pool this weekend and it was really nice and relaxing. It is completely ridiculous that it is already 102* the first week of June in Dallas. It should make for an interesting summer...

xoxo chef a

Missing Nia...

On the IPOD "All that Jazz" by: Various Artists (Chicago- The Musical)

Oh, how I miss Nia... I have been taking Nia classes since September and it has changed my life. I never though in a million years that I would actually find a workout class that I can't stand to be away from. But when my doctor said at the last visit that considering my past pregnancy history he felt that it would be better to not dance until we can get a better look at the baby (to be reassuring to everyone we have seen a heartbeat and everything is in the right place...)in a couple of weeks, I agreed to sacrifice! :)

I miss every part of it though: the music, the moves, but most importantly I miss the people. I have made some of the most incredible friends and I miss them terribly! Although I feel their love from a distance, I'm really ready to be back... There is something about dancing that makes you feel relaxed and allows you to let go of whatever drama you brought into the room. It is ultimately freeing! I cant wait for the baby to experience the calm of dancing to some of the best music out there and to be a part of this special community!

To my friends: I miss your bright and shining faces! I hope that nobody is stealing my spot mainly because I don't want to have to steal someone else's spot when I get back because I will be back...I have had a big talk with the baby and I think we have come to an understanding that dancing is just a must even if I have to break out level 1/2 which I'm pretty sure relates closely to 6th grade slow dancing! :)

My hope for you out there is that you find an activity that you love as much as I love dancing because it will change your life. It will change the way you see yourself and your body. And most importantly it will allow you to be in the now and that seems to be a hard place to get to in this fast paced society that we have built...

I'm going to go and eat a cracker before you know who has a freaking conniption!

xoxo chef a

Praying to the Porcelain God

On the IPOD "Stay Here Forever" by: Jewel

One of my best friends Stacy came in town for the weekend and I have been looking forward to it for a really long time! We decided to go out for a really nice dinner at a restaurant called Loft 610 on Saturday night. As it got closer to the time we were supposed to go I was starting to feel a little funny... I ate some crackers and the feeling went away so we decided to continue with our plans.

When we arrived, everyone ordered drinks and although I don't miss the alcohol, I do miss the myriad of choices. We ordered a small appetizer of flatbread which we all shared and it was great. Stacy and I then shared a little salad of chopped veggies. When my dinner came a little wave came over me, but I pulled myself together. I had ordered Wild King Salmon but let me assure you obviously the baby wanted nothing to do with salmon!

I continued to eat a little bit because it is still mashed into my brain that food is the cure all for anything. Well it didn't take long before I was in the bathroom "praying." I finally thought it was over and went back to the table. Mike could see the fear in my eyes and sort of rushed the end of the meal... Stacy came back over to our place and things just got worse. Thank goodness everybody went outside when we first got there because another lesson I have quickly learned is that dinner followed by a car ride doesn't really work for me. When they came back inside Mike found me laying on the bathroom floor... It finally began to ease up and I finished the night with a popsicle.

The weekend continued with much of the same news... Here's to hoping cooking meals doesn't throw me into a tailspin today... fingers crossed!

My client menu for today is:

Chicken Souvlaki with hummus and tabouli
Chicken Enchiladas
La Scala Salad
Jalapeno Chicken
Chicken Fajitas
Egg Salad
Chicken Salad
Gazpacho
Balsamic Braised Short Ribs
Roasted Brisket with Carrots and Potatoes
Cucumber Salad
Roasted Mixed Vegetables
Key Lime Pie

xoxo chef a

P.S. I am considering switching the blog over to wordpress... Does anyone have any strong feelings about this? You would still be able to follow the links off of facebook and twitter but it would make commenting a lot easier for you, which seems to be a problem at the moment. Anyways if you have thoughts please feel free to let me know!

The News..

On the IPOD "The Wood Song" By: Indigo Girls

Well the true beginning to this journey began three weeks ago yesterday... The doctor had told me that on Saturday May 8th I would be able to take a pregnancy test and get a real answer. So on Friday night, my friend Erica and I were taking our friend Lisa to her surprise birthday party and the plan was to stop at some point and get a test...Luckily for me Lisa received a gift filled with a pregnancy test along with other random sex paraphernalia, I happened to be sitting right next to her so I looked at her and simply said, "Yeah I'll be taking this!" Let it be noted that this was possibly the cheapest pregnancy test on the market, I'm pretty sure the girl that bought it got it at a "gift" store. So with that job out of the way we went on to having a great night...

To give you a little back story Mike was out with his work friends bowling and drinking way too much and arrived at home with an instant hangover (like the sick kind...)

So on Saturday morning I woke up at about 6 and bee-lined for the bathroom, test in hand. When I tell you about the cheap test I mean it came with a syringe that you had to use so that you could drop 4 drops of pee on the stick (like chemistry class.) So I placed the test flat, dropped the 4 drops on and waited the 2 minutes as instructed. It looked like a second line but I just wasn't sure so as Mike was "praying to the porcelain god" I peeked in and said "I think your going to be a Daddy, does this look like a line to you?" (I'm pretty sure this might have made him even more nauseous, I think guys always think they are ready for the first one but when reality hits they realize that their entire life is about to change.) His answer was a mumbled, "kind of..." Not exactly the answer I was looking for... So I quickly suggested that I run to the store and get him some Sprite and pick up a couple more tests. He agreed!

When I got to the store I got the sprite and bought one of each kind of test (just to be sure.) When I got home I quickly handed him the sprite and ran to the bathroom. I took the regular two line test first...and there were definitely two lines. Then I went ahead and took and digital test too, and there is said it in bold print YES+...

Now I'm not good at keeping my own secrets, other people's I can handle, but not my own. I would say by 4 pm all of my closest girlfriends knew. The only one we saved was Mike's parents and sister because Sunday was mother's day and it was just too perfect.

I wrapped a pacifier up in a cute little gift bag and handed it to them. Within a second they knew what it meant!

xoxo chef a

A Change...

On the IPOD "Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)" By: Dixie Chicks

The reason I picked this song today is because I always thought that this would be what I would sing to my kids to help them fall asleep... Well it looks like that time has almost come... Yep as some of you have already guessed I'm pregnant. That's of course why I have been up so much in the middle of the night and getting sick in cars and craving spicy foods.

To tell you the truth I was going to wait to announce it till I was a little further along but yesterday I had a very rough scare and the first thing I thought was that if something happens I want to write about it. The blog is my saving grace and trying to keep this secret has almost been killing me. After going to the doc this morning and getting really good news I decided that the truth is I want you all to be a part of this journey and hopefully the journey goes as planned but if it's not perfect I still want you there.

As of tomorrow I will be 7 weeks which makes my due date January 15, 2011! I am feeling pretty good just a little tired and a little nauseated. I know some of you will ask "well does this change your weight loss plan?" And the short answer is no. My doctor and I really don't want me to gain a lot of weight...the plan is actually to come out of this pregnancy healthier than I am now. So I'm working really hard to eat right and exercise (although no dancing for the next two weeks just to be extra careful.)

Mike and I are just thrilled and I am so excited to finally let you all in. Please think really good thoughts and if you pray we wouldn't mind that either. Now that it's out of the bag, you can expect some funny tales and definitaly the truth. Ugh! I just have so much to tell you we will back track a little starting tomorrow. So stayed tuned....

lots and lots of love
xoxo chef a

Woke up on the wrong side...

On the IPOD "Gone Away" by: Lucy Schwartz I love love love this song, It's haunting!

Well hello 4am! I guess we have officially become friends and I should just get used to it. It is a little hard for me to write this morning mainly because I think that although I'm awake I'm not really here... I would try to go back to sleep but I can hear my husband coughing and if I'm in there tossing and turning neither of us will sleep.

Yeah this is not working I'm going to lay down....to be continued

Ha! Well this was actually yesterday morning... after laying down for just a minute I woke up an hour late for work. You might be thinking oh well just an hour no biggie... Well that hour late turned into me rushing, accidentally stepping on the cat's tail. Him screaming, me checking on him and telling him I am so sorry but that he knows when I'm in a rush the best place to stand is not so much under my feet. Him finally getting over it right before I left. And then me managing to forget at least three items at each store before heading to my clients while forgetting all of my packaging containers.

Let me just assure you it was awesome...To top it off, knowing that I was not planning at all for eating I stopped by Subway to pick up a 6 inch nine grain veggie delight with spicy mustard, I mean you can't do much better for 230 calories in a rush... This is when the day just got terrible... So I'm in line to order my sandwich when the girl behind the counter says, the only bread I made this morning is the Italian herb and cheese (The most caloric and fattening bread they make)...This frustrates me because Subways whole advertising campaign is that you can stop by early in the morning and get breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. My issue is that I understand not having every choice available at 9am but logically you would think that the first two you make would be the whole wheat and a white so people at least have an option, just saying... So I left and drove 3 miles out of my way to a different Subway and got my 230 calorie sandwich!

It actually worked out well because there was another grocery there and I was able to pick up some containers and all of the forgotten items. When I got to work it was like every dish was taking double the amount of time, but I did finally get through in just enough time to pick my mom up from having a pain injection in her back (Sounds fun right!) When I got her home I opened up my laptop for a second thinking that I would write the blog but then quickly decided this morning was a much better choice.

The moral of the story is that when you wake up really early you just can't let yourself go back to sleep. It's just not worth it! :)

xoxo chef a

Car Sick

On the IPOD "If You See Him, If You See Her" by: Reba McEntire & Brooks & Dunn

There is nothing better than a music special on T.V. after a very long weekend! Sorry to everyone all wrapped up in "Lost" but it's just not my thing!

So we went to Austin this weekend for the memorial service for our friend Eric. To be honest it was incredibly difficult... First of all the normally short not even 3 hour drive seemed to drag on forever. And then once we were there, there was no shortage of tears. It is heartbreaking to see the men who are usually so strong in your life in tears. There was definitely nothing fun about the trip but I'm so glad we went.

Unfortunately the overwhelming emotions plus the car ride plus the mexican brunch added up to one car sick girl! Ugh! There is nothing cute about a sick wife. I don't care what anyone says, there are just somethings that your husband should not know about. And stomach sickness either way is #1 on the list! I'm feeling much better...I almost kissed the ground when the car stopped!

I'm working this morning and then going to a very sad (Boo!) going away lunch for one of my favorite girls Susie (She is just going to the shore for the summer but still three months is a long time.) And then I'm going to try and rest the remainder of the day, that should be an interesting task!

Here is the menu for today:

Turkey Meatballs with
Sauteed Mushroom Medley
Turkey Tacos with all the fixins &
Spinach Souffle
Miso Glazed Salmon and
"Mock" Vegetable Fried Rice
Peppered Beef Sliders with
Sweet Potato Fries
Barbecued Chicken with
Grilled Corn

Tonight I'm going to work on a new summer menu of healthy snacks to have in you fridge, I'll let you know what I come up with...If you have any ideas post them to the blog.

If you are having trouble posting comments to the blog please email me at AmandaM037@aol.com and I will help you!

xoxo chef a

Eric...

On the IPOD "The Blower's Daughter" by: Damien Rice

I'm sorry but I have to discuss something that is a bit off topic today. Mainly because I don't want to see this happen to someone else and if writing about an alternative might save someone's life then I have to do it.

On Wednesday night, my family lost one of our closest friends actually so close he was more like a part of our family. He fell into such a dark place that the only way he knew how to get out of it was to take his own life.

To be honest I don't understand suicide... One of my friends who has been in almost the same dark place tried to describe to me what a person in that condition is thinking. She said, "It's like their depression is a sickness and it's the only way they know how to stop the pain." This is my issue with it...First of all what makes someone think that when they die it will make that kind of pain go away? We are all in the same boat on this one...none of us really know what is going to happen after we die... But on the other hand their choice to end their pain causes a great deal of pain to their family and friends here, who have no choice but to live with it.

We are talking about an amazing 37 year old guy who was married and surrounded by friends. It saddens me to think that he didn't allow anyone in...He didn't ask for help or if he did it wasn't direct. He was truly one of the most hilarious and fun guys I have been lucky enough to meet in my life. And it just kills me that his beautiful wife is now left to pick up the pieces... I mean I can't even imagine.

My point in bringing this up is because I want to be clear to everyone who is reading this blog and who might be in some sort of despair. Suicide is not an answer. Please reach out to someone and let them know that you are in pain and need help so that you can be around to hear how much your friends and family care about you and we are not just telling each other. If you don't feel like you have someone to talk to please call:

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
or
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

There are professionals there who will listen to you and will get you the help you need.

Eric you are loved by so many and will be incredibly missed. I am so sorry that you were in such a terrible place. I hope that you have found the peace you were searching for and my heart breaks for your family...

xoxo chef a

Fear (revisited)

On the IPOD "Fear" by: Sarah McLachlan

I have already discussed the topic of fear, but I'm back again...
How do you deal with fear?

I have to start out by saying that I'm a natural worrier...it's what I do. I could worry about the wall if I tried. The anxiety I feel has been passed down many generations, it's like the present that everybody gets but nobody wants. And I'm pretty sure that anxiety is what is waking me up at 4 in the morning everyday.

When I think about getting pregnant these are the fears I have...
1. What if something happens, and I have to go through all of the sadness again?
2. How will I control my weight when I am not in charge of my own body?
3. How will I focus in dance class if I'm constantly worried about hurting the baby?
4. Is there such a thing as enough money??? (I think this is a normal one)
5. How will I ever stop worrying?

Those are the top 5 although there are many more that come in and out of my head. And I'm not saying that any of my fears are irrational. I just want to learn how to turn it off from time to time. I do think a healthy amount of fear is good for you...it pushes you and helps you to achieve your goals. But when it stifles you, that's a problem...

So I'm thinking about taking a course in meditation... I have a friend who recently took it and said it was amazing. I figure what do I have to lose?

So there was a request for a recipe:

Summer Vegetable Soup

2 cups celery, (I clean the whole bunch trim a 1/4 inch off the end and finely chop towards the heart using all of the leaves)
1 1/2 cups shredded carrots
1 large leek, split chopped and cleaned
2 32 oz boxes of chicken stock
2 16 oz cans diced tomatoes with basil and oregano
1 16 oz bag of frozen organic mixed vegetables
1 large zucchini, diced
Pepper to taste

I use a non stick soup pot, so that I don't have to add oil. Saute celery, carrots, and leeks over medium heat until soft. Add stock, tomatoes, and mixed vegetables. And bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a high simmer and cook about 30 minutes. Add zucchini and cook 5 min. more. Season with fresh ground pepper. I don't salt this soup because the stock and tomatoes both have enough salt but if you are using organic stock and tomatoes most likely you will need to add a little.

Oh, and my diet plan for the other day worked beautifully. It ended up being a great food day...I stayed on track, wasn't starving, and didn't really even snack!

xoxo chef a

Spicy!

On the IPOD "867-5309" by: Tommy Tutone

Up at 4am again...awesome!

Menu for today:
Vegetable Fried Rice
Spicy Cajun Shrimp Pasta
Egg Salad
Chicken Salad
Shredded Beef Tacos
Gazpacho
Salisbury Steak with Pan-seared Mushrooms
Jalapeno Cheese Sausages
Fiesta Lime Chicken
Chicken Fajitas
Summer Vegetable Soup
Baked Chicken Drumettes
Filet Mignon

Ugh! I'm already tired from just writing it... It is days like today that I have to be really smart about my eating habits. I mean its gonna be a long day and since its 4:30 right now, my stomach will be expecting lunch say around 10am. So lets plan a menu for me and see if it works... (I never really cook extra from my menu for work which really annoys my husband, mainly because it is just easier for me to stay focused, but today I'm gonna try something new) So I love Gazpacho and that's an easy one to double. I could probably eat it all day and never gain weight...

lets go with...

Gazpacho at 10am

Fiesta Lime Chicken Breast(I'll post the real recipe for this later, but this is made using a Mrs. Dash seasoning blend that doesn't have any salt and it is great!) with 1 cup of Chopped Romaine Lettuce topped with Fresh Pico at about 12:30-1.

I have coffee with the girls at 3, so maybe I can come up with a healthy snack to take... like cup up apples with almond butter, yum!

And then I'm back to NIA at 6pm which I am sooooooo ecstatic about!!!! Yay I have really missed it! Thank goodness I'm not going out of town anytime soon!

And then dinner... what to have for dinner??? That will have to be decided at a later time...

For some reason I am really into spicy foods right now, which is not necessarily my thing... but I think it has something to do with not using a lot of salt and oil and instead relying on the spices to add flavor. Whatever it is it's working for me and I'm not missing the added salt or fat. Spicy food is also said to speed up your metabolism, which is always a good thing.

Ok well, this has been fun but Amanda is going to try and grap 50 minutes of rest before this day starts again...I'll check back in later to let you know how it went today!

xoxo chef a

Completes Me

On the IPOD "The Way You Look Tonight" by: Tony Bennett

I just got back in town from a great wedding weekend! My Dad's best friend, Uncle Paul was celebrating the marriage of his daughter, Jacki, and it was so nice to see my Aunt Phyllis and old friends and to be a part of such a special event. To be honest there was only one downfall... It just wasn't the same without my Dad there, I think we all felt a definite void. Before I tell you this story I have to explain that my Dad had great friends and most of them were long term friendships. We figured out this weekend that my Dad and Uncle Paul were best friends for somewhere around 50 years. I would have to say that in their day they would have been referred to as "Players." So when one of Uncle Paul's cousins came up to him and said how good he looked and he responded by pulling up his pant leg to show how good his legs looked, I looked over and said "Oh...that was such a Joe Bill(my Dad) move!" He responded quickly with a smirk, "Oh no Amanda, Uncle Paul taught Joe Bill those moves!" We both laughed!

It was probably the hardest on my Mom...I think that you don't realize until someone is gone that there is an ultimate balance in a good marriage. My dad was stronger while he was by my Mom's side and I think my Mom was more confident by my Dad's side. My Dad could work a room, he could "fake it" if he had to... He would smile and act like he owned the joint. My Mom is much more reserved and she can definitely not fake it, I'm pretty sure she has to make herself go talk to people.

When I look at my own marriage I realize that I play my Dad's role and Mike my Mom's. I think I'm lucky to see it now. I know from watching my Mom, that there is no use in trying to make someone into a social butterfly when it's just not there thing.

So I guess I'm learning day by day how this marriage thing works. It truly is meant to create strength in numbers. It is my gentle hand guiding Mike through a sea of unknown faces just like he guides me through a savings account. We as a couple build up each other's weaknesses and together become stronger. I only wish I knew growing up that that was the fairytale...It's not just about looks or even just love, it is about finding someone who completes you...

I really think that Jacki has found a man who completes her and I hope they have many, many years of happiness, just like our parents have.

xoxo chef a

The Food Journal

On the IPOD "Friday I'm in Love" by: The Cure

So you know that all week I have been food journaling...well all I can say is that it is truly amazing to see what I actually eat. Not in a bad way...I've lost a solid 9 pounds since getting back from Florida.

I have been eating really healthy but the interesting thing is that I've been writing down the time too and no matter what crazy kind of day I'm having I still keep the same eating habits. For example: I have to take this fertility medicine with dinner at night, but I always forget to take it and end up having to have a little snack later just so I can take the medicine.

I also run to the pantry around 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon, Ive known this one for a while because it's national after school snack time but honestly it's not like I eat lunch at 11:15am any more. I'm not even necessarily hungry in the afternoon, but that snack somehow makes me feel better...

To tell you the truth I'm contemplating cutting out the thought of real meals and trying the small plate thing for a bit. I mean would I eat less if instead of filling up a dinner sized plate 2-3 times a day, I used say a cocktail sized plate filled with really healthy food 6 times a day??? I think this is an experiment for next week!

I'm so excited for the wedding I'm going to this weekend, I just can't wait!!! Bummed that I'm missing Nia, but I hope my friends will dance for me...

Client Menu for today:

Tuna Salad with Pita
Summer Chopped Salad
Black Bean and Cheese Burritos
Spicy Veggie Peanut Noodles
Grilled Halibut with Fresh Peach Salsa
Grilled Veggie Flatbread
Beef and Barley Soup

xoxo chef a

Why am I awake right now???

On the IPOD "What's Up?" by: 4 Non Blondes

I can't sleep...I mean let me rephrase that...last night I fell asleep at 9:30pm and of course now I'm awake at 3:30am. Ugh! There is nothing worse than being up in the middle of the night when you live with someone who wakes up if the floor squeaks. I mean Mike could have a party when I am sleeping and I wouldn't even hear it, but not me, I'm stuck in the office with no T.V. when all I can think about is the box of Chinese soup spoons that I need for a cocktail party tonight that are on the top shelf of the pantry. The issue is that I'm extremely A.D.D. so the chances that I will completely forget to get the spoons by 7 am is decently high!

Tonight's cocktail party should be a blast... One of my best friends is hosting it for her clientele and it is a great opportunity for me to open doors into a new group of women. At first she asked me to make chicken skewers...boring!!! Instead... I'm going to use the Chinese soup spoons and fill them with a twirl of Szechuan Peanut Noodles with a bite of Teriyaki Chicken on the top. Yum sounds good to me! And it better be a good party because I'm not thrilled about missing Nia!!

I have a family wedding this weekend which I'm soooo excited about, so yesterday I decided to go an see if I could find a new top to wear for one of the parties. Well I found this really cute black tank that is kind of crocheted at the neckline, unfortunately they only had one and it was a smaller size then I have been wearing but I grabbed it anyways and headed to the fitting room. First of all not to bitch but when will stores realize that trying on clothes under a freaking heat lamp is not comfortable and it actually makes me want to buy less. Note to retail clothing stores: The feel of burning flesh while trying on 6 pairs of pants makes me hate you and makes me never want to come back...just saying! Unfortunately, I couldn't walk away empty handed, the shirt fit and looked pretty hot actually! Whoo hoo!

For some reason, this is all I have been wanting...maybe because it's almost Summer!!

Gazpacho

1 large Hothouse English Cucumber, diced small ( like pico de gallo size dice)
1 Red Bell Pepper, diced small
1 Orange/Yellow Bell Pepper, diced small
2 cans Petite Diced Tomatoes
1 Sweet Onion, diced small
2 cloves Garlic, minced
3-4 cups of Tomato Juice
1/4-1/3 cup of White Wine Vinegar
Salt and Pepper to Taste
Cayenne to taste for spice
1 Large Ripe Avocado, small diced

Mix first 8 ingredients in a deep soup pot using 3 cups of tomato juice and 1/4 cup vinegar. Using a stick blender, pulse blender to break up some of the veggies, don't overblend...the soup is better a little chunky. Season with salt, pepper, and cayenne and add more juice or vinegar if desired. Finish by adding the diced Avocado. Let chill for about 1 -2 hours or more and then serve cold. Note: The Avocado will not turn brown because of all of the acid in the soup so don't worry!

Options: You can also add fresh cut grilled corn or cilantro for a change

Have a good day!
xoxo chef a

Pina Colada Pounds

On the IPOD "Love Me or Leave Me" by: Lena Horne
(Lena Horne died on Sunday night. She was one of my Dad's favorites and I thought it was only right to honor her.)

I had a great weekend... Friday night was my friend Lisa's surprise "girls only" birthday party. We had a great dinner and then I think managed to hit 4 different bars. Unfortunately by bar 2, I had realized that I kinda like my boring nights with my husband watching reruns on the couch. But I pulled it together and pushed through... when did I get so old???

Saturday night was Jule's karaoke birthday bash. Jule is the instructor of my Nia classes and we had a nice crowd of fellow Nians at one of my favorite activities Karaoke! It was so fun and it was great to see everyone in a whole different atmosphere.

On Sunday, I spent all day with my Mom. First my mom, my aunt, my uncle and I (I let Mike sleep in) went to this wonderful souffle restaurant called "Rise No.1". My favorite thing was the Marshmallow Soup, its a carrot and roasted tomato soup with three baby goat cheese souffles that look like marshmallows. It was amazing!! After brunch my Mom and I just hung out for the afternoon and then we all headed up to my in laws . My in laws are great and they invited us over for dinner and included my Mom which they do on a regular basis, which is so nice!! We had a nice time talking about our Florida trip among other things.

I finally got back to my pre-Florida weight. Those five pounds were hanging on for dear life, but they got the boot whether they were just water weight or pina colada pounds! I was so over them...

Over the weekend I did start food journaling again...mainly because I just want to be aware of what I'm eating. I feel great about my weight loss so far... It has been 8 months and I am feeling really good. I know I still have a ways to go but I feel myself getting healthier by the minute!

Tomorrow's Client Menu

Grilled Salmon with Spicy Mango Relish
Roasted Asparagus
Filet Mignon
Oven Roasted New Potatoes
Praline Baked Ham
Sweet Corn Casserole
Hamburgers
Cheddar Chicken and Corn Chowder
Sauteed Green Beans
Summer Gazpacho

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there!!!!

xoxo chef a

Dangerous Words

ON the IPOD "Take Everything" by: Greg Laswell

So I've been going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to discuss this but it has turned into me feeling like I'm holding it in and we all know that that path tends to end up in my kitchen so I decided to discuss it.

I'm going to start out be saying that my brothers are truly two of my very best friends. We have obviously been through every detail of our lives together... and I love them dearly. But I would be lying if I said that I have never been jealous of them... They have never had a weight problem... and they have always had a choice on what family activities to be involved with (and I'm not talking about the good activities, I'm talking about doctors appointments, hospice calls, taking care of business activities that no one wants to do.) I am by no means saying that they have never done anything... I'm just saying that the responsibilities of a daughter are different than a son.

The reason I need to bring all this up is not to bash them in anyway, it is mainly to show you how dangerous words are...

About 3 years ago, during a time in which my father was very ill, the three of us with our respective partners at the time and I would say 3-4 of my closest friends were hanging out at a bar called "Meridian Room" in Dallas. The subject came up that I, except for some awesome trips, have lived here. I went to college here and I stayed here.

My brother Andrew started in on me saying that I've never explored the world or lived my life...and that all I do is take care of our Mom and Dad... The lecture went on to include my weight! I was risking my health and not thinking of him or the rest of my family. To tell you the truth it is hard for me to remember past the outburst of crying that night but I remember words like unhealthy, disappointment, overweight, embarrassment, bad choices... To have this said to me in front of my family and my closest friends was probably one of the lowest points of my life. I felt abused and attacked! I think the episode ended when somebody finally turned to him and said "Enough!"

The thing is that it was hard for me to get defensive about it. I did stay in Dallas because my Dad was sick... it was also because I met Mike and there were more business opportunities here at the time. But to tell you the truth, I don't have regrets about that...I would have had regrets about not seeing my Dad everyday, I would have regretted not getting to grow up with Mike, I would have regretted not having some of the most incredible culinary teachers and I would have regretted not building a friendship with my mom (I was pretty much a pain in high school). On the issue of my weight...what was I supposed to say ... "you're wrong!" Obviously he was right, I was overweight and I still am. But does he even have the slightest clue whats it's like...NO! Did he understand that my weight defined me growing up? Did he understand that I felt trapped by it?? Did I as a child decide, well obviously the way I want to deal with my emotions is by eating??? I'm going to go ahead and say no...

But me bawling in the middle of a bar surrounded by family and friends was not exactly the most constructive way to bring up any issues he had with my choices...

What my brothers don't understand about my choice to be here, is all the stuff that is taken care of behind the scenes while they play. They don't know about the sick days, medical procedures, birthday parties, mothers day brunches, good days, bad days, sad days, and days when my mom's t.v. doesn't work. To tell you the truth I used to be mad about it (honestly sometimes I still am), but now I just feel sorry for them because they are missing out on her. And I am lucky enough to really know her...

I don't know why brothers and sisters are so critical of each other. Maybe it has to with loving a person so much that you feel like its safe. I, of course, forgave my brother for his outburst as I am sure he has forgiven me for things I have said. Because at the end of the day I know that he loves me and I love him, but it did effect my brain. It made me doubt myself, and I think of it often...

My brothers will never truly understand what it is like to be the daughter...They will also never understand what it was like to grow up as a chubby little girl with two older brothers that ate whatever they wanted and never gained a pound. Even though we grew up under the same roof at the very same time, our stories are so different which makes us kind of different and I guess that is what makes a family... A group of very different people, bound by blood...

xoxo chef a

Salted Toffee-Chocolate Squares

On the IPOD "Almost Lover" By: A Fine Frenzy

So this morning I got out of my bubble bath to see two new very uncomfortable friends residing on my chest... I've decided that the hormone shots are somebody's trick on poor innocent women. My boobs are easily the size of two cantaloupes and not in a good way, I feel like I'm turning into "The Hulk." Although my husband seems to not have as much of an issue with my two new friends, I unfortunately feel huge and have a slight attitude problem as well. I thought maybe I was bypassing the emotional part of it until someone asked me if I was feeling ok, and then as if on command I started tearing up for absolutely no reason at all, awesome!

I have been busting my butt at work this week and feeling pretty good about it. Yesterday morning I picked up a copy of "Everyday Food", It's a little Martha Stewart Magazine and found this incredible cookie recipe that I just had to try, so I picked up all the ingredients thinking that I would make them at some point. Then it dawned on me, I was going to be hanging out with two of my favorite girls (Jennifer and Lauren) in the afternoon, maybe we could make them together!

When I got to Lauren's house we got all caught up and then decided to try these bad boys out...by the way Lauren had no idea at this point that I was going to leave her with all of the cookies lol ! They took a cool 20 minutes and were fantastic, we even had to use a smaller pan and although I think they came out less crispy they still were fantastic! Jennifer took some home to her husband and his response was, "I think those cookies are pretty much the best things I have ever eaten in my whole life!" Wow that's a pretty bold statement...

Salted Toffee-Chocolate Squares
recipe adapted from Everyday Food, May 2010

12-13 Graham Crackers
1 8 oz Bits O' Brickle Toffee Pieces, in the baking aisle
1 1/2 cups Toasted Almonds, rough chopped
1 cup Butter
1/2 Cane Sugar
3/4 cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
3/4 tsp Sea Salt

Set the oven rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees. Use aluminum foil to line a rimmed cookie sheet (Let the foil hang over for easy removal).

Lay the full graham crackers on the baking sheet, touching each other. Sprinkle the toffee pieces and the chopped almonds evenly over the crackers. Set aside.

Combine the sugar and butter in a small saucepan and cook over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Bring the mixture to a boil (it will be foamy) and then reduce the heat to medium-low. Simmer for a few minutes, until the mixture has the consistency of a syrup. Remove from heat and pour over all of the graham crackers evenly.

Put into the oven and cook for about 12 minutes. The top should be bubbly when you remove it. Immediately sprinkle with the chocolate chips and sea salt. Let cool for about 10 minutes, and then use a pizza cutter to cut into 2 inch squares. Transfer the baking sheet to a cooling rack and let cool fully before eating.

We didn't have a rimmed baking sheet so we just used a 9 X 13, lined it with foil and ended up obviously using less of everything!

Yum so glad I didn't take any home cause I would be eating them right now!! Thanks Lauren and Jennifer for helping a girl out! XOXO

Have a wonderful day!
xoxo chef a

Hunger Pains

On the IPOD "Be Still" by: Kelly Clarkson

I would be lying if I told you I feel completely normal right now at 3:16 in the morning. I'm having crazy dreams and I have woken Mike up three times and let's just say he's over it :).

Why is it that when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm starving...like I haven't eaten in weeks. The sad thing is the myriad of things I'm in the mood for: I would totally eat a ramen cup of soup (most likely the saltiest and most processed food product on the market), I would also tear up some bagel chips and extra spicy hummus or even a can of green beans. I know the last one is just plain weird yet if you were to be spying on me at the moment you would see me opening a can of organic green beans, it's not that I wouldn't rather have nice fresh haricot verts (french green beans), but I don't have any and to tell you the truth there is something comforting about the odd metallic taste of cold canned green beans in the wee hours of the morning...

When I was gone last week I did alot of thinking... I have been teetering with the revelation that I'm a little burnt out cooking wise and I knew that I just needed a jump start. I needed time to visit local markets and to cook from my heart instead of counting every calorie. I needed to throw things in a blender and see what came out.

Being a chef is sort of like having an attitude problem. It is half real cooking knowledge and half cockiness. It is a delicate balance, because if you think too much or question yourself you could end up losing your edge. To be honest the issue with my client a couple of weeks ago threw me for a loop...it made me question what I'm doing as a chef. It wasn't that I didn't know the answers, I think I just had to find them out again... I know that my first love is dinner parties where I'm given some amount of creative control and I know that I like personal cheffing because it allows me to create bonds with the families I'm feeding. But beyond that how does artistry intertwine with crazy diets. How do I change the school of thought that has made americans want the most amount of processed food for the least amount of calories instead of a smaller portion of the best tasting real food? I don't know the answer yet, but I know that if I want to stick with this career I need to find out. I know that I'm more excited about work tonight than I have been in weeks and that's a good thing!

I don't know... I'm sure it has to do with my personal dieting...I need to find a way to allow myself to love food. I will never be someone who looks at food as a source of energy nor do I want that. My relationship with food has always been a love affair, it just used to be a manipulative abusive one and now I just want it to be a healthy one.

xoxo chef a

Rosemary Beach

On the IPOD "Orange Colored Sky" by: Natalie Cole


Ugh! I feel like I've been holding back for a week, but it is a scary world out there and it was just better to not expose that my entire family was out of town!

So last Friday night my brother Adam, his wife Audra, my brother Andrew, his girlfriend Natalie, Mike, my Mom and I set out on an adventure to Rosemary beach, Florida. My mom rented a house there for all of us to stay in to celebrate her 70th birthday, which was in March but this is when we could all get away. We drove there; 3 cars, 14 hours, at least 3 hours of blinding rain on the way there, not exactly fun, but we made it at about 2pm Saturday afternoon (this is why the timing on the shot last week was so important...didn't really want to pull over on the side of the road with my mom in the back seat!!). I have been looking forward to this trip for months, I was also slightly nervous about it (a large amount of very strong personalities = disaster.) But I had gotten myself ready with the mantra "I will not be engaged!" And I held my ground pretty well.

I decided to let the diet go for one week and to enjoy this time with my family. I went into it knowing that the hormone shots were going to make me bloated and hungry and guess what, they lived up to it. I'm still carrying about 5 pounds of water weight and I'm not thrilled about it but hopefully in the next week it will all even out. The best thing about the trip was my morning run. Every morning I got up around 5:30 or 6:00 and ran on the beach. I'm not a big runner but running on the beach is different, it is like a meditation. The sand between your toes, the waves crashing against your feet, and the sun rising above your head. It still takes my breath away when I stare out into what looks like a never ending horizon of water. For that hour, I allowed myself to be in my head. This week I'm going to delve into all of those thoughts...my plan was to write blogs while I was in Florida each day and wait to post them until we got back but on the first day my husband gave me this look and said, "I need you to be here, that can wait." Well what are you supposed to say to that??? That is why you got two very short blogs in the last week. although the recipe part was true I did make some awesome dinners on the trip!!

To be honest, I am being extremely hard on my self about the 4-5 pounds staring at my face when I step on the scale, but I'm hoping since my hands hurt when I squeeze them together and my ring is tight, that it really is just water weight! I posted some more pictures from the trip on my facebook page. And today I'm going to post a video of the ocean that is pretty calming. If you are not my friend on facebook feel free to add me! This was a really emotional trip for me and I can't wait to share my thoughts with you...stay tuned!

xoxo chef a