Love and Marriage

On the iPod, "Good Lovin (feat. Miguel) By: Ludacris

One of my good friends is right in the middle of a crossroads with her boyfriend... trying to see if there is something there to build a future with or if there are too many issues to go forward. Her latest text to me said something like, "I'm aware I'm ridiculous..." With an attached picture of her text with said boyfriend explaining that they are going to give it another go... 

It made me sit back and think of the many crossroads Mike and I have come to in our relationship and marriage. Saturday will mark our 6th wedding anniversary. But the journey started long ago, actually 16 years and 4 months ago yesterday... I have grown up with him... We are actually coming close to a time when we have been together more years than we haven't.  I would be lying to you if I said that it has been even close to perfect. Honestly, Mike and I have been through the ringer. 

I grew up believing that love should look like Lloyd Dobler in "Say Anything" holding a jam box over his head blasting "In Your Eyes" outside of Diane Court's bedroom window... It took me many years to realize that they also had to deal with big issues like the fact that Diane's father was going to prison for tax fraud among other things. And that his friend was a stalker who was also suicidal.  It wasn't all hot steamy sex in the back seat of a car and love songs...

Being in love and getting married means dealing with each other's families. It means learning to accept that you were raised differently and figuring out together how to raise your own kids knowing that even though you try to take the best parts of how you were both raised you will still undoubtably screw your kids up some. It means forgiving each other even when you think it might be impossible and honestly never giving up. It is going to sleep in your sons twin size bed together because you can't get your kid to sleep in there to save his life and even if you have to shove shoes under the door to lock it shut its still worth it to have the alone time together. Marriage is hard. Loving each other, qwerks and all, is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. But luckily we love each other enough to keep working at it. Our love is a living, breathing organism that really needs constant care, it is not just a piece of paper and words that we said to each other years ago. It is the words and actions that we say and do everyday. It is the way we fight and forgive. It's not easy and quite honestly if it was it would be boring. 

So I don't think my friend is being ridiculous...  I think she is being pretty damn brave. Trying to work on yourself or your relationship is the hardest, most giving thing you can do for each other and for yourself.  I have no idea if this guy is really "the one" for her, but my hope whether it is or isn't is that she comes out of it being stronger, knowing herself better, and wanting to try harder. 

Happy 6th Anniversary to my very own Lloyd Dobler... I love you so much Mike... Here's to many more years of trying... 

xoxo chef a

Support Groups AKA Playgroups

On the IPOD "Cathedrals" By: Jump Little Children

I am pulling double duty...I'm awake at 3:45 AM so I have decided to write a couple of posts. I am going to post them at different times so that you don't miss them but I would say that they will be online within 24 hours of each other so check back!

I would be lying if I said that I am completely focused on getting myself back on the track I was on BB(before baby). I do have a desire to be there again... I am just feeling a bit like I'm treading water and drowning at the same time... Even though I'm sure I was told "BB" that having a baby changes everything, I don't think I really understood that phrase. I didn't really realize that I would be actually teaching a baby how to learn, play, and survive the real world not just change diapers while trying to balance a marriage and a business. A friend of mine said at a playgroup this past week that... "The hardest thing about being a new parent is to learn how to fight for your marriage!" She couldn't be more right!

I have been in love with Mike for almost 14 years, we have survived major tragedies and wonderful celebrations but to be completely honest adjusting to a new baby is like learning how to love each other all over again. The reason I bring all of this up is because when this friend of mine made this amazing statement at playgroup I noticed that the rest of us let out this great sigh of relief. In this one moment we all realized that we were really not alone. And I realized that "playgroups" are really just another word for "support groups"! So my suggestion to all the new moms out there is to reach out to other new moms whether they are old friends or maybe you're just both in line at Buy Buy Baby because at the end of the day it might just save your marriage and your life!

It is interesting to me that having a baby also completely messes with your self image which I guess also adds to the stress of life. I really thought the hardest part was seeing my stomach grow during pregnancy but really I think its harder to deal with the aftermath. The new and unusual shape of my over pumped boobs and my lower tummy that now has a mind of its own. Lets not forget the hulk like strength I have in my arms from carrying the ridiculously heavy newborn carrier mixed with the lack of strength in my knees and back from picking up and holding Levi in odd positions all day long (you learn that even if you're completely uncomfortable...if the baby is comfortable than you just work through the pain!) So feeling the least bit sexy when everything hurts, you have spit up on your shoulder, you're extremely tired, you're moody, and not only have you been changing poopie diapers but you've also spent all day worrying about the color, texture and amount of poop makes for a very difficult challenge.

So I'm here to tell you that I've heard it gets better ;) ... So I'm going with that...I'm going to try to embrace the new "directions" (lol) my boobs point and the numbness I still have from them cutting me open to get this baby out and I'm going to do my best to wear perfume everyday to cover up the baby poop and formula smell (cause that's sexy right?) and I promise to take at least 30 minutes a day (hopefully more) to try to find myself again and I will do everything I can to fight for my marriage because I could not have picked a more wonderful man to share my life with. And it will get better....

xoxo chef a

Completes Me

On the IPOD "The Way You Look Tonight" by: Tony Bennett

I just got back in town from a great wedding weekend! My Dad's best friend, Uncle Paul was celebrating the marriage of his daughter, Jacki, and it was so nice to see my Aunt Phyllis and old friends and to be a part of such a special event. To be honest there was only one downfall... It just wasn't the same without my Dad there, I think we all felt a definite void. Before I tell you this story I have to explain that my Dad had great friends and most of them were long term friendships. We figured out this weekend that my Dad and Uncle Paul were best friends for somewhere around 50 years. I would have to say that in their day they would have been referred to as "Players." So when one of Uncle Paul's cousins came up to him and said how good he looked and he responded by pulling up his pant leg to show how good his legs looked, I looked over and said "Oh...that was such a Joe Bill(my Dad) move!" He responded quickly with a smirk, "Oh no Amanda, Uncle Paul taught Joe Bill those moves!" We both laughed!

It was probably the hardest on my Mom...I think that you don't realize until someone is gone that there is an ultimate balance in a good marriage. My dad was stronger while he was by my Mom's side and I think my Mom was more confident by my Dad's side. My Dad could work a room, he could "fake it" if he had to... He would smile and act like he owned the joint. My Mom is much more reserved and she can definitely not fake it, I'm pretty sure she has to make herself go talk to people.

When I look at my own marriage I realize that I play my Dad's role and Mike my Mom's. I think I'm lucky to see it now. I know from watching my Mom, that there is no use in trying to make someone into a social butterfly when it's just not there thing.

So I guess I'm learning day by day how this marriage thing works. It truly is meant to create strength in numbers. It is my gentle hand guiding Mike through a sea of unknown faces just like he guides me through a savings account. We as a couple build up each other's weaknesses and together become stronger. I only wish I knew growing up that that was the fairytale...It's not just about looks or even just love, it is about finding someone who completes you...

I really think that Jacki has found a man who completes her and I hope they have many, many years of happiness, just like our parents have.

xoxo chef a

Fields of Gold

On the IPOD "Fields of Gold" by: Eva Cassidy

It feels like I've been waiting forever to use this song, but here it is... One year ago today I said I do to the most incredible man I know and this is the song that I picked to walk down the isle to. To be honest the song was picked way before we were even engaged! The lyrics say it all:

"I never made promises lightly,
and there have been some I've broken
But I swear in the days still left,
We'll walk in fields of gold"

I can only hope that every year is like this past year... Full of excitement, love, and growth. I don't think I would have been able to take this blog journey without all of the support and encouragement from Mike. As cliche as it sounds, he completes me.

We started celebrating on Saturday night with an unbelievable dinner at Five-Sixty by Wolfgang Puck in Reunion Tower Downtown. It was phenomenal!

First Course:
Hamachi and Tuna Sashimi, Daikon Kaiware Salad, Sticky Rice, Yuzu Ponzu
Sauteed Crabcakes, Red Thai Vinaigrette, Mango-Cucumber Relish

Second Course:
Beef Filet "Au Poive" Snow Pea, Wild Mushrooms, Smoked Shallot Sauce
Wok Fried Whole Sea Bass, Ginger, Ponzu and Thai Chili Sauce

Dessert: Fuji Apple Crumble a la mode

After dinner we met some of our best friends for a drinks and then headed home. Such a good night!

This morning I let Mike sleep in and I went to have birthday breakfast with my favorite two year old Asher. We had a blast, there is nothing like seeing a 2 year old on a sugar high!

After breakfast, I came back home and Mike and I spent the day relaxing, well with one trip to the furniture store (geez we're so married lol!)

We went for a quick low key dinner and managed to get back in time for The American Country Music Awards... I love me some music awards shows :)

So last year I went to a lot of trouble vacuum sealing the top of our wedding cake. For a year it has looked perfect, completely air tight and ready to just be defrosted. Well here was the day, I let it thaw in the fridge over night and even though our bakery provided us a new cake (which we got in the grooms cake flavor since neither of us got to have a piece at the wedding!) I still insisted that we both take a bite of the original to insure some good luck. Well let me assure you that it doesn't seem to matter if it is just frozen in plastic wrap or vacuum sealed, year old cake is just gross!!!

Now it's Monday morning and it's off to work once again...

Happy Anniversary Mike! I love you with all of my heart!

xoxo chef a