Naps and Secrets

On the iPod "Incomplete" By: James Bay

I know I've said it before, but I honestly can't get over how different my boys are... I mean just today at the splash park, Levi spent a half an hour worried about the water getting in his eyes and the other hour worried about ant piles in the grass and Luca divided his time between running as fast as he could away from me through every surface barefoot and standing directly under the water dump buckets. The differences really go completely across the board....

Levi gave up bottles by himself and switched to one nap with no effort on my part at all. So I guess I had always expected that it would just happen for Luca the same way, but boy have I been wrong! Let me preface this by saying I am by NO MEANS asking for advise (I have plenty of personal mommy council and I am aware it's up to me to set the ground rules for my child,) but I'm just having a harder time with it than I ever expected. Here is my current secret... I keep a bottle in the car with water in it... I'll bring a sippy cup into a play date or to mommy and me, but as soon as we hit the car our dirty little secret is out and the bottle is in his hands... I have no willpower, Luca might possibly go to first grade with a baby bottle stashed in his lunch box. It is his comfort. He doesn't have a paci or suck his thumb, no blanket or lovey, just a bottle... Any bottle... He doesn't even care what kind... It doesn't even have to have milk in it... I could tell you that I have a date that I will absolutely take it away but I would be lying... I have NO DATE! The second he looked at me with his puppy dog eyes and threw the sippy cup in my face 3 months ago I decided not to care. The only change that will be happening for now is that I will be hiding the bottle in his diaper bag while its 95 degrees outside... Judge me if you want to, but people nurse their kids till they are like 8 now... Why should my kid suffer because I couldn't produce enough milk. I mean if he has bonded with the bottle why should I come between them??? Only kidding... Kind of. I promise he will give up the bottle... I hope at least by the time he wants to try a bottle of another source. 

Onto the dreaded nap change... Luca has been an unbelievable sleeper ever since at 8months when I put on his Amber teething necklace and he slept through the night. I can count on one hand the number of times he has woken up in the middle of the night. And since about the same time he has taken two GLORIOUS naps a day. He would wake up at 6:15, go down for his first nap at 9:00-9:15 sleep till sometimes 11, play and eat lunch. Go back down at 2pm sleep till 3:30-4. Play more, eat dinner and by 7:15 would be knocking on the hall door ready to go to his bed. We could not have asked for a better sleeper... We even changed our schedule... No more dinners out past 6 pm and if we do go out it is timed with military precision. Until about 8 weeks ago, when he started having a hard time with his daytime naps. He was going between dropping one a day, being super cranky others, fighting us terribly during the daytime hours while luckily his nighttime sleeping has stayed pretty consistent. I just knew he was trying to switch to one nap a day, but it wasn't easy at all! I have read all of the books, tried all of the different methods. Been on the verge of tears with my closest friends. But nothing was really sticking. What makes my schedule hard is that I wake up super early... I really like to leave my house no later than 6:30 even if that means a quick diaper change and both boys are in the car in pjs on the way to BeBe's house (yes I know I'm extremely lucky to have a mom that will lovingly take my children that early so I don't have to drag them to the markets with me), but this is where the boys differ again... Levi will walk in and curl up in her bed and sleep for another hour... while luca gets up and it's full steam ahead.  So over the last week I have FINALLY figured out how to survive this and get Luca on some sort of crazy schedule. I have found that instead of sleep training, Luca needs lounge training. Luca needed to be taught how to just chill. Every morning I have been lounging with him. If I get him before he wakes up himself he will cuddle with me just long enough that he is learning how to just chill with me. And then once he has lounged a bit he needs lots of protein food sources and LOTS of activity so that he can push through lunch and then go down for his nap. My hope is that I can eventually get him to lounge right over to BeBe's house and do what Levi does but who am I kidding that will never happen lol. The lounging technique is working for his naps as well. It has been hard for him to nap longer than about an hour and a half (which was his regular napping time when he was taking two) which just isn't enough for him... So I've been lounging him back to sleep if he wakes up. For example, today he woke up from his nap and I could tell it wasn't enough so I went in and cuddled with him on the bed for just a couple of minutes and then put him back into his crib and he slept another HOUR! I'm hoping that he will eventually just sleep through. 

But I'm just happy that I feel like I'm figuring him out. That is what I find is the hardest part of them growing up and changing, it's the feeling that you don't know them. It takes you right back to their first big change as a baby, whether it was feeding problems, sleeping problems, or crying problems. We are their mothers...we all feel like we should just know how to make their lives perfect and when we are tested and we don't know its hard!!

For someone who prided myself on not scheduling Levi, I sure have made a complete 180 when it comes to Luca. I'm trying to embrace it. Embrace the schedule, Embrace the change and Embrace the differences. So for all of you mommies out there who are parenting in a way that you never thought you would or are dealing with your own frustrations... Never fear YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 

xoxo chef a

The Letter

On the iPod "Forever Young" By: Alphaville

Oh my... I have so much to write... Do you ever have those times when you have about a million ideas/thoughts running through your head but just not enough time to focus on them?  

Well anyways my next post will be about Nia or Sunday supper clubs but tonight I'm writing a blog to a good friend, who happens to be going through something that is near and dear to my heart... Losing a baby...

Dear love-

When I received your text today telling me how sorry you were for not being able to be there for me when I lost the babies like I am for you now it made me sad that you have to know that... Mainly because it is very hard, even sort of impossible, for someone who has never lost a baby to truly understand what it is to lose a baby and I hate that now you know. 

You are dealing with unfortunate comments like... 

"Well you didn't want an unhealthy baby, right?"

"It's G-d's way."

"So next time... Maybe it's best to not tell everyone so early..."

"You got pregnant so fast. It will happen again, at least you know you can get pregnant!"

Blah... blah... blah... 

You lost a baby... You didn't miss carry it... You didn't do anything to make it happen... 

And even if the baby wasn't healthy it really doesn't change the fact that you are heartbroken and if you could just sleep until you are pregnant again you would.  I'm going to guess that your main concern is not deciding when you will tell everyone the next time. And if this is G-d's way then I'm pretty sure you aren't a big fan right now...

You don't need me to tell you that you will survive this because honestly you've seen me do it and deep down you already know you will.  I've been pregnant 5 times and I have two beautiful boys...But I also can still remember every due date... And I can remember everything about the days that the pregnancies ended both the births and the D&Cs. I wish I could tell you that they fade into distant memory but they don't...

You are most likely mad at your body for not being able to perform the way we were always taught it would... You are sort of annoyed that the world is just going on... You will feel like you are staring at every pregnant person and also feel like they think that you are some sort of pregnant imposter... You will meet the odd woman who lost a baby but acts like it was no big deal and she just moved on... She is lying... If not to you, then to herself for sure! You will feel like your friends with babies are hiding from you, even if they are not. And you will undoubtedly feel like you have let the closest people around you down, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. 

So now you are one of us...like it or not.  And you get to be the most amazing friend to the next member. You get to tell her your story. You get to be there for her like not many friends can be. And you will show her how you survived just like she will. 

I hope that you will take the grieving process to heart and embrace every part of it because it is a gift that not everyone takes. I know you know that I am here for you now and forever. 

Love,
 me

xoxo chef a

Wipeout!

This is a picture of Levi and Kate at Gym Class (notice Levi's Batman costume with cape and his red nose...this is post wipeout!)

On the IPOD "Mockingbird" By: Carly Simon and James Taylor

So today started out great... Today was my first day off in forever. The High Holidays (most important Jewish holidays) are over and I'm finally back to the daily grind. It was nice waking up with no work responsibilities for a change. Anyways the plan was to take Levi to his gym class with his bestie Kate and then Tasha "Kate's mom" and I were going to treat ourselves to sushi for lunch.

Levi had a great morning...we slept in and cuddled with Daddy and then got up and played a little while I caught up on some DVRed sitcoms. We did our hair and got dressed and headed over to BeBe's house. Levi cuddled more with BeBe while I heated up some baby pancakes. Levi ate pancakes in bed with BeBe (I know nice habits I'm starting) while I packed his bag up. We loaded up in the car and headed to therapy...Levi fell asleep in the car and slept almost all the way through my appointment. My therapist fixed me for the week and we loaded back up and headed to gym. At this point I was feeling great...Levi had a great morning nap, I was sane again, and we were running ahead of schedule.

We got to gym a little early so we hung out in the car listened to great music and sang a little. Tasha and Kate were parked in front of us and to my amazement Kate also had a great morning nap. Could we be so lucky that everything was working out????

Ugh! This is when it all started....

12:05 Walk into the gym and put shoes and bags away

12:10 Gym Teacher lets us all in the room and I set Levi down on the mats

12:11 Levi crawls right to the foam stairs and crawls up with no help needed

12:12 Levi does an about face and literally jumps off the stairs past the gym mats and on to the rough carpeted floor face first!

12:13 Levi screams bloody murder as I watch his nose and forehead turn to a Rudolph shade of red

12:14 Levi calms down and heads straight for the stairs again...I quickly nip that in the bud and end up having to force him to sit in my lap.

12:15 Class begins

Class goes great although Levi's carpet burn seems to be getting more red by the minute...isn't bothering him as much as it is bothering me...

At this point we should have just gone home, but I'm obviously a masochist.

So we loaded the kids up and headed to the sushi restaurant across the street... Now just so you don't think we are completely insane. These are both restaurant kids...they have been going together their entire lives and up until today have always been perfect angels! Obviously when they were baby talking in class they came up with a terrible master plan!

So we walk in and the restaurant is nicely full but not crowded. They quickly seat us and we put the highchairs right next to each other on one side of the table in their usual spots! Within 2 minutes Levi drops a toy on the ground and when he looks for it he bangs his head right on the edge of the table. Of course he goes into full fledged "My life is over" mode, but I scooped him up and it quickly dissipated. Then if on cue Kate pipes up. Tasha breaks out the puffs and all is quiet again. We figure out our order while we both exclaim how thrilled we are to be out eating sushi. The babies are both playing nicely, but we are quickly running out of puffs. Just as the waiter sets down the salad and soup both of them start in...sort of taking turns...

This is a nightmare...Levi is screaming at the top of his lungs between each bite reminding me each time that I wasn't feeding him fast enough (on a good note he loves some sushi..He was all over that avocado roll like it was his b---h) while Kate is literally having an emotional meltdown next to him. We all look like we have been to hell and back...We're both apologizing to the tables around us while trying to stuff our faces between screams and cries and as they both finally pull it together I notice that we are both sweating, our hair is in our faces, and we are a far cry from covergirl ready. At this point there is really nothing to do except laugh or cry...thankfully this time we both laughed!

We payed our bill, tipping extra for the crime scene that we left under the table, and it seems as if we will all live to see another day...

Everybody is napping at our house sure hope its the same at Kate's house...

I don't know maybe work isn't so bad...just kidding I still wouldn't trade today for anything!!!!

But I sure hope they sleep tonight!

xoxo chef a

Support Groups AKA Playgroups

On the IPOD "Cathedrals" By: Jump Little Children

I am pulling double duty...I'm awake at 3:45 AM so I have decided to write a couple of posts. I am going to post them at different times so that you don't miss them but I would say that they will be online within 24 hours of each other so check back!

I would be lying if I said that I am completely focused on getting myself back on the track I was on BB(before baby). I do have a desire to be there again... I am just feeling a bit like I'm treading water and drowning at the same time... Even though I'm sure I was told "BB" that having a baby changes everything, I don't think I really understood that phrase. I didn't really realize that I would be actually teaching a baby how to learn, play, and survive the real world not just change diapers while trying to balance a marriage and a business. A friend of mine said at a playgroup this past week that... "The hardest thing about being a new parent is to learn how to fight for your marriage!" She couldn't be more right!

I have been in love with Mike for almost 14 years, we have survived major tragedies and wonderful celebrations but to be completely honest adjusting to a new baby is like learning how to love each other all over again. The reason I bring all of this up is because when this friend of mine made this amazing statement at playgroup I noticed that the rest of us let out this great sigh of relief. In this one moment we all realized that we were really not alone. And I realized that "playgroups" are really just another word for "support groups"! So my suggestion to all the new moms out there is to reach out to other new moms whether they are old friends or maybe you're just both in line at Buy Buy Baby because at the end of the day it might just save your marriage and your life!

It is interesting to me that having a baby also completely messes with your self image which I guess also adds to the stress of life. I really thought the hardest part was seeing my stomach grow during pregnancy but really I think its harder to deal with the aftermath. The new and unusual shape of my over pumped boobs and my lower tummy that now has a mind of its own. Lets not forget the hulk like strength I have in my arms from carrying the ridiculously heavy newborn carrier mixed with the lack of strength in my knees and back from picking up and holding Levi in odd positions all day long (you learn that even if you're completely uncomfortable...if the baby is comfortable than you just work through the pain!) So feeling the least bit sexy when everything hurts, you have spit up on your shoulder, you're extremely tired, you're moody, and not only have you been changing poopie diapers but you've also spent all day worrying about the color, texture and amount of poop makes for a very difficult challenge.

So I'm here to tell you that I've heard it gets better ;) ... So I'm going with that...I'm going to try to embrace the new "directions" (lol) my boobs point and the numbness I still have from them cutting me open to get this baby out and I'm going to do my best to wear perfume everyday to cover up the baby poop and formula smell (cause that's sexy right?) and I promise to take at least 30 minutes a day (hopefully more) to try to find myself again and I will do everything I can to fight for my marriage because I could not have picked a more wonderful man to share my life with. And it will get better....

xoxo chef a

Just A Normal Saturday Night...

On the IPOD "Wide Open Spaces" By: The Dixie Chicks

Two little tid bits of info that might be helpful to new moms out there...
#1 never say out loud that your child loves restaurants and is totally laid back and
#2 never ever publicly make arrangements for your husband to be the designated driver so that you can have an evening of bliss at one of your favorite restaurants or to be honest drown yourself in your favorite margarita.

I say this because chances are your kid will not be on board!

My child loves a restaurant...I mean on more than one occasion I've threatened to go the busiest happy hour (I know such a threat) just so that I could record the noise for 1 hour so that we could play it for Levi to help him sleep. So when we were invited last Saturday night to dinner with friends (and yes there were other kids there we didn't drag him to a couples night out or anything), I didn't even think twice about taking him. For the life of me I can't figure out how it turned as bad as it did so quickly!

Let me set this up for you... Our plans were to meet friends at this great Salvadorian restaurant that just opened a beautiful new location. When we arrived there was immediate seating available on their covered patio so because it was actually decently nice outside I agreed. (By the way even though there is no confirmation that the patio seating caused the horrible events I'm about to disclose...Patio seating will now be completely off limits for the Marrone Family!}

So anyways we sat down and I immediately ordered a mango margarita and let me tell you it was the best thing that happened Saturday night! When everyone got there (Me, Mike and Levi and my two girlfriends, one with her husband the other with her two kids} we went ahead and ordered dinner (And I ordered another margarita...}

At this point Levi was sound asleep in his stroller, like an angel! Well all of the sudden Levi woke up, he seemed fine, I got him up and we were playing a little before the food came. My friends were both hugging on him and he was doing just fine well until he was not! Like clockwork as soon as they brought me my margarita Levi started screaming, it was unlike anything I have even heard. By the way I am not a fan of the screaming restaurant kid, I think if you have the guts to take your kids out in public then you should as least take them out of the establishment if he or she is out of control. So I did just that, Levi and I excused ourselves to the parking lot where things just got worse. He was screaming so badly that I really felt helpless. I gave him Tylenol, gas drops, gripe water nothing was helping. Of course the stroller and car seat were at the table and my car was in the valet so I was really stuck there! I finally just got my keys so that I could take him to the car to check him out. When I tell you it was bad I mean I was checking his body for broken bones! I really thought we were going to end up at the hospital... Mike came to check on us and see if there was anything he could do, but there just wasn't anything anybody could do, Levi was officially having a complete meltdown! So I asked Mike to go back to the table box up dinner and pay what we owe. When my friend Jessica came to check on us, Levi and I were pacing the parking lot. I was a complete mess and Levi had been stripped down to just a diaper and was still screaming bloody murder! We made an executive decision to drive back to her house so that I could get a better idea of what was going on. This seems fast as I read it back but in all honesty we were in the parking lot for a good solid hour or longer. I would have just gone home but I didn't think he would make it that far that's how bad it was!

Mike drove and I sat in the back trying to keep Levi calm for the 5 minute trip. When we got to the house the screaming continued. I checked his entire body up and down, every joint, I even checked to make sure he didn't have a hair wrapped around his finger or something. He finally calmed down after my friend started blowing on his ear. I have no idea why it worked but it did so I'm not going to question it! I never really found out what was wrong with him...I just chalked it up to teething and bought every teething gel on the market the next morning...

It was a rough night to say the least... The moral of the story is never ever plan on having a wonderful night out...If it happens count yourself lucky and if not pray that you were smart enough to bring an arsenal of meds, 5 sets of clothing, 2 extra bottles, and a nanny. Or at least just remember that every new parent out there will eventually have this experience so you are not the only one!

xoxo chef a

Rebooting...

On the IPOD "Set Fire To The Rain" By: ADELE

Ive decided that the only way to be skinny while being a full time working mom is to have money and a nanny! I mean a nanny is not an option for us so I'm going to have to come up with a better solution, not that skinny is really even in my personal vocabulary... But I do want to be healthier so something has got to give! Levi and I get up for work between 5-6 am, Mike works till 7:30pm and lately Levi likes to scream for about 2 hours each night starting as early as 5 and ending sometimes as late as 9:30, which tends to make leaving to go workout at night difficult to say the least and early morning workouts are completely out of the question. So where does a girl find the time I ask you?

To be honest it is not helping that I am really having a hard time accepting my post baby body issues... between the numb looser tummy I've been sporting since the c-section and my boobs that spent way too many countless hours attached to a pump... Lets just say that it is definitely affecting my self esteem which in turn makes it harder to make the steps to do something about it. So lately I've been making myself feel better the only way I know how to...with food!

But I'm done... mainly because it's just not working obviously... I'm officially back on the quest to deal with my shit without the help of an m&m! And I'm also giving myself permission to put my needs first for at least a 1/2 hour a day because in the long run everyone wins with a happier Amanda!

xoxo chef a

A Bad Day For My $100 pants!

On the IPOD "House At Pooh Corner" By: Kenny Loggins

I'm going to start off by saying that my hair is falling out. I know that it's normal postpartum hair loss but it doesn't make it any easier. And I know everyone says it won't all fall out but I don't know, there is alot falling out!

Last night was an utter disaster! It all started when I dropped my mom off...Levi decided he was going to throw the fit of his life between my mom's house and our parking garage. I mean it was bad... There was screaming and heavy breathing and sometimes even a couple of times I thought he was going to quit breathing. I really just wanted to wiggle my nose and blink us home but of course I don't have that capability. I played music, sang, danced, made faces...nothing was going to help the fit of rage going on in the back seat. By the time we reached our street I was in tears as well.

As we turned into our place...Levi fell asleep. I pulled into my parking spot amd strategically came up with a plan to get the stroller loaded up while the car was still on and the music was still playing. Half way through I thought to myself, "huh I really have to go potty..." (And by potty I mean little potty not big potty, thanks in part to my new birth control that has a diuretic in it.} {You should also know that because of my horrible case of ADD I have a tendency to forget to go potty in the first place.) So anyways there I am rushing around packing up the diaper bag, my bag, a box of diapers, and Levi. As I reached to turn the car off and lock the doors I said to myself, "Oh Shit where is my fob for the garage door?" I mean by this point I started to panic...I thought about using a cup (no too complicated considering I was wearing pants), then I thought about copping a squat next to the car (pretty sure my garage has security cameras so that was out), then I thought about just jumping in the front seat and letting nature take its course on my new leather seats (Ya no that was completely out.) So there next to my new car while staring at my sleeping son, I peed in my $100 lululemon pants.

And then of course I found the stupid fob!

You know it's a bad night when you show up at your front door with no hair and you are wet from the waist down. I'm sure Mike is counting his blessing on this catch! (Hey it says in good times and bad, right?) I do have to admit that by the time I reached the door I was laughing hysterically I mean really...I can't even make up this stuff!

So needless to say Mike took over while I did laundry and took a shower! You would think that that is the end of the story but no just as soon as I got cleaned up, Levi decided to lose it again. After I finally got him settled down I thought to myself, "Tomorrow has got to be better than today!"

My goal for today is to come home with dry pants! I'm not reaching for the stars folks, just trying to stay afloat!

xoxo chef a