A Bad Day For My $100 pants!

On the IPOD "House At Pooh Corner" By: Kenny Loggins

I'm going to start off by saying that my hair is falling out. I know that it's normal postpartum hair loss but it doesn't make it any easier. And I know everyone says it won't all fall out but I don't know, there is alot falling out!

Last night was an utter disaster! It all started when I dropped my mom off...Levi decided he was going to throw the fit of his life between my mom's house and our parking garage. I mean it was bad... There was screaming and heavy breathing and sometimes even a couple of times I thought he was going to quit breathing. I really just wanted to wiggle my nose and blink us home but of course I don't have that capability. I played music, sang, danced, made faces...nothing was going to help the fit of rage going on in the back seat. By the time we reached our street I was in tears as well.

As we turned into our place...Levi fell asleep. I pulled into my parking spot amd strategically came up with a plan to get the stroller loaded up while the car was still on and the music was still playing. Half way through I thought to myself, "huh I really have to go potty..." (And by potty I mean little potty not big potty, thanks in part to my new birth control that has a diuretic in it.} {You should also know that because of my horrible case of ADD I have a tendency to forget to go potty in the first place.) So anyways there I am rushing around packing up the diaper bag, my bag, a box of diapers, and Levi. As I reached to turn the car off and lock the doors I said to myself, "Oh Shit where is my fob for the garage door?" I mean by this point I started to panic...I thought about using a cup (no too complicated considering I was wearing pants), then I thought about copping a squat next to the car (pretty sure my garage has security cameras so that was out), then I thought about just jumping in the front seat and letting nature take its course on my new leather seats (Ya no that was completely out.) So there next to my new car while staring at my sleeping son, I peed in my $100 lululemon pants.

And then of course I found the stupid fob!

You know it's a bad night when you show up at your front door with no hair and you are wet from the waist down. I'm sure Mike is counting his blessing on this catch! (Hey it says in good times and bad, right?) I do have to admit that by the time I reached the door I was laughing hysterically I mean really...I can't even make up this stuff!

So needless to say Mike took over while I did laundry and took a shower! You would think that that is the end of the story but no just as soon as I got cleaned up, Levi decided to lose it again. After I finally got him settled down I thought to myself, "Tomorrow has got to be better than today!"

My goal for today is to come home with dry pants! I'm not reaching for the stars folks, just trying to stay afloat!

xoxo chef a

Attack Of The Maternity Pants

On the IPOD "Every Girl Like Me" By: Sugarland

Have you ever tried to put on a pair of maternity pants when you couldn't really see your feet? I'm going to go ahead and say that if you haven't been pregnant you haven't experienced this one...just a guess. Well let me try to set it up for you... Imagine a pair of really nice black maternity slacks... long regular pants with a strange 8 inch band of foreign stretchy material at the top that make them look like they are a size 0... At first you might even think, "Ya there is no way those are going to fit over this!" But oddly enough when you try them on in the store at about 6 months pregnant they work and have plenty of room for growing so you buy them and think these are gonna be great. You take them home and hang them up for your next big event and return to your $20 yoga pants that still fit. Now all of the sudden something happens when you hit your seventh month... one morning you just wake up and suddenly your view has changed from admiring your feet to instead stretching to see your toe nail polish color. But as far as your concerned nothing has really changed you're still your usual limber self just with a limited view.

Well let me explain the wake up call when you pull those beautiful expensive maternity slacks out for a spin... Lets just say they should have a warning on them saying "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT THESE ON WHILE STANDING UP!" Because there is nothing cute about a really pregnant girl trying to find the leg holes in pants where the elastic top shrinks to a size 0 while not on your body! It could actually be a really funny youtube video, but probably not the best idea for you or your unborn child. And let me assure you if it was this hard to put on the pants today...I can't imagine what it will be like in a month or two. So in conclusion I have found yet another unexpected danger while carrying a child...It seems as if everything could harm your baby's health even getting dressed! Next time I will try to put the pants on while sitting down so that at least the hardest task will be lifting myself off of the couch instead of tripping over my own feet and landing on the floor!

Ah if only the house was rigged with cameras so that I could win a million dollars on "America's Funniest Home Videos" ...

Have a great day everyone!

xoxo chef a