The "Golden Brown" Menu

On the IPOD "Feels Like Home" By: Edwina Hayes

Well first off I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July and for those of you who get to take today off...I'm so jealous! I instead am doubling up my day today because I have a doctors appointment right in the middle of the day tomorrow.

I have to go on a rant today and I have to be honest and tell you that the hardest part of my job comes in the form of two requests. The first one I don't even have to explain to you..."Can you make me a really healthy, low fat, low calorie, low sugar version of _____ that tastes exactly like the original????" For the record I'm a chef not a magician! The second one is a tad bit more difficult, "I have three kids ages 6, 8, and 10 and I need you to cook healthy food for them that they will eat because all they will eat is junk!"

Unfortunately this is probably the most difficult... This is not your kids problem... it's yours and if you are smart you will try to change your ways now. We are lazy as a society. Our ancestors fought so hard for us to have freedom of choice but we hardly ever use it. How many times in the last year have you ordered your child a kids meal? I mean you're sitting in a great restaurant with lots of choices but your 5 year old in eating chicken nuggets (that the restaurant brings in frozen), Mac and cheese (that is being sold to the restaurants in premade cups that you just throw in the microwave), or a wonderfully processed hot dog. It is so easy to forget that when we were kids there were by far less options. Most of the time in a restaurant our parents ordered off the regular menu and we either shared with them or with each other.

I was lucky. I grew up in a home where my mom cooked every night. And she didn't cook two meals one for us and one for the adults, it was one meal and we hopefully chose to try it. Kids will never learn to try new foods if we continue to serve them the same foods all day long! They are growing up unaware of what real food looks like. They think it comes in a box with heating instructions! I actually had a child say to me two weeks ago that she only likes the apples that come already sliced in a bag. Are you kidding me? I remember losing teeth in the side of an apple! We are creating a society without taste buds. I have yet to open a freezer and not see some form of chicken nugget whether organic, all natural, or all processed. It is still a chicken nugget!

I remember having large family shabbat dinners on Friday nights. The menu was always the same:
Salad
Baked Chicken
Roasted Brisket with carrots and potatoes
Some sort of Green vegetable of the day
And little tiny rolls with poppyseeds on top

The Shabbat dinner I catered last week...the client brought in kids menu from a local restaurant:
Chicken Strips
French Fries
Onion Strings
and pasta with butter

(I saw at least 10 adults eating the kids menu as opposed to the by far healthier and better tasting adult menu)

What is wrong with this picture???? Kids food has turned into it's own food group, "Golden Brown"! I would say the funniest comment I've heard recently is when a child was home from camp one day and she asked me before she left, "Do you think you'll still be cooking when I get home?" My response was, "Most likely, Ive got lots to cook today." She followed up by saying, "Wow, I thought it only took 10 minutes to cook food!"

I'm not trying to be hard on you or even tell you that your child should never eat a chicken nugget again, but I think in general parents are frustrated because they want their kids to be healthier but when kids menus are shoved in your face everyday, and you are tired and stressed out and working too much, it is just easier to order off the "golden brown" menu than it is to argue over broccoli. Unfortunately the difference in generations is that we got chicken nuggets, french fries, and onion rings as a treat. That's why we still get excited sneaking food off the kids table. But for children today it is not a treat, it's just dinner...everyday! So I guess my chef advise is to stop ordering off the kids menu... start allowing your kids to experience real food so that one day when they are on a date thay actually know how to cut their own food and they don't ask for dipping sauce on the side! :)
xoxo chef a

Dangerous Words

ON the IPOD "Take Everything" by: Greg Laswell

So I've been going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to discuss this but it has turned into me feeling like I'm holding it in and we all know that that path tends to end up in my kitchen so I decided to discuss it.

I'm going to start out be saying that my brothers are truly two of my very best friends. We have obviously been through every detail of our lives together... and I love them dearly. But I would be lying if I said that I have never been jealous of them... They have never had a weight problem... and they have always had a choice on what family activities to be involved with (and I'm not talking about the good activities, I'm talking about doctors appointments, hospice calls, taking care of business activities that no one wants to do.) I am by no means saying that they have never done anything... I'm just saying that the responsibilities of a daughter are different than a son.

The reason I need to bring all this up is not to bash them in anyway, it is mainly to show you how dangerous words are...

About 3 years ago, during a time in which my father was very ill, the three of us with our respective partners at the time and I would say 3-4 of my closest friends were hanging out at a bar called "Meridian Room" in Dallas. The subject came up that I, except for some awesome trips, have lived here. I went to college here and I stayed here.

My brother Andrew started in on me saying that I've never explored the world or lived my life...and that all I do is take care of our Mom and Dad... The lecture went on to include my weight! I was risking my health and not thinking of him or the rest of my family. To tell you the truth it is hard for me to remember past the outburst of crying that night but I remember words like unhealthy, disappointment, overweight, embarrassment, bad choices... To have this said to me in front of my family and my closest friends was probably one of the lowest points of my life. I felt abused and attacked! I think the episode ended when somebody finally turned to him and said "Enough!"

The thing is that it was hard for me to get defensive about it. I did stay in Dallas because my Dad was sick... it was also because I met Mike and there were more business opportunities here at the time. But to tell you the truth, I don't have regrets about that...I would have had regrets about not seeing my Dad everyday, I would have regretted not getting to grow up with Mike, I would have regretted not having some of the most incredible culinary teachers and I would have regretted not building a friendship with my mom (I was pretty much a pain in high school). On the issue of my weight...what was I supposed to say ... "you're wrong!" Obviously he was right, I was overweight and I still am. But does he even have the slightest clue whats it's like...NO! Did he understand that my weight defined me growing up? Did he understand that I felt trapped by it?? Did I as a child decide, well obviously the way I want to deal with my emotions is by eating??? I'm going to go ahead and say no...

But me bawling in the middle of a bar surrounded by family and friends was not exactly the most constructive way to bring up any issues he had with my choices...

What my brothers don't understand about my choice to be here, is all the stuff that is taken care of behind the scenes while they play. They don't know about the sick days, medical procedures, birthday parties, mothers day brunches, good days, bad days, sad days, and days when my mom's t.v. doesn't work. To tell you the truth I used to be mad about it (honestly sometimes I still am), but now I just feel sorry for them because they are missing out on her. And I am lucky enough to really know her...

I don't know why brothers and sisters are so critical of each other. Maybe it has to with loving a person so much that you feel like its safe. I, of course, forgave my brother for his outburst as I am sure he has forgiven me for things I have said. Because at the end of the day I know that he loves me and I love him, but it did effect my brain. It made me doubt myself, and I think of it often...

My brothers will never truly understand what it is like to be the daughter...They will also never understand what it was like to grow up as a chubby little girl with two older brothers that ate whatever they wanted and never gained a pound. Even though we grew up under the same roof at the very same time, our stories are so different which makes us kind of different and I guess that is what makes a family... A group of very different people, bound by blood...

xoxo chef a

Expectations of Gold Stars

On the IPOD "Save Me From Myself" by: Christina Aguilera

Yesterday was a tough day! As I said to my friend Jamie I seem to be just frustrated with my own personality. I know I have touched on the fact that I'm a pleaser, but I am discovering little by little that it is deeply related to my issues, food included! I think it has less to do with the actual pleaser part of me and more to do with my expectations of how I should feel after the pleasing is done. I guess in some ways I'm looking for a gold star. It is really not fair to my family and friends that I tend to give them so much power over how I feel about myself. I don't think anyone wants to feel like something they say or do is really going to phase someone else's self esteem. But I think probably more times than not our actions do phase others even if we don't want to...

I have a sometimes annoying need to spread the wealth... I feel very lucky that I have such amazing clients and that I have had unbelievable opportunities in my career. That being said I sometimes feel like it is my duty to help out the new guys on the block, whether they are other chefs or just friends that are small business owners. I think I sometimes forget how hard I worked to get where I am today... 11 years ago I think I might have walked away with about with $25 on my first cook day which easily took 7 hours. To get in with the right clients I have done much more than a standard cook day...I have organized their kitchens and gotten involved in their charities, I have rocked their kids to sleep and counseled their teenagers, I have been a secretary, a toddler tamer, a carpooler and a friend. I have been there when they first made their money, when they almost lost it and when they made it back again. I have cried with them, I have hugged them and I have in most cases I have become part of their family. My job is much more than just being a chef...sometimes I might bitch and moan about it, but I know that the dues that I paid have in general made me a better business owner.

So that being said I think I need to just stop helping people so much! Mainly because I am obviously not doing it just for them, I am somehow expecting to get something out of it, like say a gold star! To say that I'm going to stop helping my friends and family is a joke, it won't ever happen. But I really need to work on what my expectations are because the under appreciated feeling really sucks!

I still can't get over the fact that I rely so heavily on food to make me feel better. It is like in my head I have decided that it is just the miracle cure for anything. Unfortunately then the cycle continues... I have a bad day...blame myself for it...try to find some amount of comfort in food (and believe me its not a grilled chicken breast)...then I feel horrible guilt for eating the terrible off limits food...and then I just end up feeling bad again...

I know some of you feel that at times I am too hard on myself, well in general you are right but writing about this in such an honest way seems to be an eye opening experience and even though it doesn't always stop the behavior it at least allows me to see it and really be aware of it...

xoxo chef a

The Power of Choice

On the IPOD "Hey, Soul Sister" by: Train

I so wish I could have posted this yesterday but unfortunately my computer and I were in a fight!!!

Does making choices give you power?

Today in Nia class, Jule, the instructor, had us focus on making our own choices. She then discussed with us a little bit about how the freedom of choice can give a person power. At first I have to say that I felt a tad uncomfortable...The pleaser in me even thought hummm I wonder what choices I am supposed to make. I thought about what she said all day, "Are the choices I am making giving me power?"

Everyday I am forced to consciously make a choice to stay on track ... to eat right, to work out, to focus on the betterment of my life! Sometimes it feels selfish since it is so completely not in my nature to put myself first. But I am trying to truly get to the core of who I am and to realize that every second of every day I GET to make choices that deeply effect my life.

I always say that the best thing my parents ever did for me when I was growing up was that they let me switch schools four times. It was a blessing because I was able to reinvent myself each time. Now I probably could have taken more advantage of the situation and I don't think that at the time I was really trying to find my true self. I think I was just trying to play the part, but I was young. It did teach me that it was ok to change myself though.

For the last 20 years I have lived as a "fat girl" I have made many choices in my life to try and cover up my insecurities. I have even spent way too much time trying to fit into other people's molds all on the path to feel some kind of acceptance. But in truth it just screwed me up more. I found comfort in food which in turn made me feel like I was choosing to be a "fat girl." But I'm done with it, I'm not choosing it anymore!

In the last almost 7 months I have learned how to make good choices, not based on what someone else wants or needs, but I make them based on what I want. I didn't even notice until today that it gives me power...

Just three days ago my aunt said to me..."you even walk different now, like a dancer!" When she said it I thought to myself I know dancing can change your posture but is that really what has changed the way I carry myself?? I do think that I stand up straighter and I breath better and that is in direct correlation with dance classes but I think it is so much more than that...

I think I'm proud of myself... I think I like the choices I'm making and I think I'm even starting to respect myself...

xoxo chef a

p.s. Tonight I will be posting recipes trying to catch up from the computer issue yesterday!