Another Day...Another Dollar

On the IPOD "Lucky Star" By: Madonna

Where does a girl find some luck? Less than two weeks ago I got a new car, the reason for the new purchase was 1. Because my lease was almost up 2. because after the 20th time I hurt my back while struggling to get my son's carseat into the middle seat of a way too narrow backseat and I was officially over it! And 3. because they gave me the deal that I wanted! I love my new car! It's so easy to get Levi in and out and it's in my signature color galaxy black (black with glitter.)

So anyways yesterday was my first day leaving Levi with my mom while I headed to a clients house alone. I unloaded all of the groceries and parked the new car right out front so it would be out of everyones way in the driveway. (Btw my client is in the process of moving their pool to a different location in their back yard so the driveway is full of construction type vehicles) As the door bell rang and the nanny called out to me that there was someone at the door who wanted to talk to me, my stomach dropped. You have got to be frickin kidding me! At the door was one of the contractors. His words exactly were "I'm sorry ma'am I just didn't see your (huge black! (my words added here not his)) vehicle!" And there on the back of my perfect car with the temporary tags still staring at me was a nice crease dent and a scratch. Don't get me wrong I know it's just a car and I know it will get fixed next week, but can't I just have it perfect for a little while??

By the end of the day I had decided that maybe this was a sign that it is just too early to leave the boy at home while I'm at work. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with it , but I'm realizing it doesn't take much to bring out some mom guilt!

On another note lets discuss the fact that Levi and I are going on a little adventure trip soon to sell jams and jellies. I'm not going to lie it could be a disaster! A tired new mom and a three month old at an outdoor show (we are at least under a pavilion so it will be shaded.) Levi will be all good... my friend Tasha is nice enough to let us borrow her cool joovy stroller that folds up real small but will also allow Levi to sprawl out and hopefully take some decent naps and he'll have his formula and toys so what more could a boy want. Now the tired Mommy on the other hand will be living on pinto beans (the only healthy food item sold at the festival!) And will lose the ability to say to Daddy at 8pm "Tag you're it!" But hey I'm sure we will make some memories and that's what it is all about, right? Is it acceptable to dress your son in a strawberry onesie at the strawberry festival, I mean how do you make strawberries look manly??? Although Levi's lucky that I don't buy him a pink and red tutu while we are there! Our adventures will include lots of pictures and I'm sure some stories to boot. Please keep your fingers crossed that I will lose 5 pounds while I'm there and that Levi keeps his poop in his pants!

My client menu for today:
Pan-seared Filet Mignon
Mock "Fried Rice"
Crispy Baked Chicken Drummettes
Low Fat Chicken and Cheese Enchiladas
Beef Fajitas
Spicy Chicken and Vegetable Stir Fry
Low Fat Chicken Salad
and some fresh veggies TBD

xoxo chef a

Goodnight Sweetheart

On the IPOD "Goodnight Sweetheart" By The Moonglows

I wish I knew what time it was, or day, or even month... I literally feel like the walking dead. I've decided what I need though...I just need two extra hours in the day preferably between the hours of say midnight and 2 am. Can somebody please make that happen for me???

I love how I had this all planned out ... I was going to have a baby... be back to work in three weeks and then he would just get it... He was supposed to sleep while I worked only waking up for a bottle and then if he was awake...he would just play quietly until I was done. He would never suck his thumb instead he was going to use a pacifier so that I could take it away at an appropriate age, he would never cry in public, and he would sleep around my schedule. We would only watch television if it was an educational show and Mike and I would still have an active social life.

Ha!

Well I did drag my tush back to work three weeks after... but my kid doesn't sleep...not during the day and not at night... He doesn't get the whole playing by yourself idea instead he screams as loud as possible to the tune of "waaaa! waaaa! waaaa!" until someone picks him up. The highlight of my weekend was that he finally found his thumb! I was so excited about it I sent this picture to one of my best friends while she was on vacation (geez I'm lame!) I'm lucky that he doesn't cry in public and that he loves the sound of a busy restaurant (I need to record it and play it in his room at night!) But he flips my schedule the bird on an regular basis! Think what you will but I do have to admit he watched the entire movie "My Sister's Keeper" last week and then watched me cry for 30 minutes afterwards. Mike says I'm going to turn him into a girl...I think I'm bringing out his sensitive side! Oh and about that social life... Thanks goodness we are keeping up with our plan of Saturday night date night because the only other time we see each other is to pass the baby or to watch "Modern Family" (not really but it
feels that way)

Two nights ago we started doing a twilight feeding at midnight to hopefully help Levi (really me) sleep through the night and all I got was a 4 o'clock wake up call instead of a 3:30 one... hey I shouldn't bitch...that 30 minutes is worth it!

But then I look at him here next to me sleeping in his boppy on the couch and I realize that it really doesn't matter. He is fine...perfect in fact! Maybe a schedule doesn't work for us...I'm not one to write down every feeding and what every poop looks like. I will sleep at some point! Having him at work with me is more important than a set schedule by some nanny, at least in my book. So my kid likes being held, who wouldn't? One day he wont want me to hold him anymore! And as far as the thumb... calling all orthodontists should I just write you a check now?

xoxo chef a

P.S. Does lack of sleep make you crave chocolate? Im going to go with that excuse! Grilled Chicken here I come again...just shoot me now! to be continued...

Grieving continued...

On the IPOD "Here Comes The Sun" By: The Beatles

Sorry it has been so long but I'm having a slightly difficult time getting everything done! My child seems to only sleep in 15 minute intervals during the day...

To say that I have had a rough month is putting it lightly. Between work and the baby and 2 trips to South East Texas it has just been well... busy.

I have to be honest though I have written and rewritten this post about a million times. I am dealing with some "stuff"... I have come to terms with the fact that I'm grieving... I'm grieving for the loss of my Grandmother... I'm grieving for my inability to produce enough milk to breastfeed...I'm grieving for the time that seems to be passing by so quickly...I'm grieving for the lack of control I have over everything at the moment... I'm not really "depressed" (its not slowing me down or making me think unrational thoughts) but I am extremely aware of my emotions. I never would have imagined that I would not be able to nurse my child. I never would have imagined that I would get so hung up on it or that it would effect the way I feel about myself but it has... It's the same feeling I had when I couldn't get pregnant... It's that heart wrenching feeling that I am some how less of a woman.

I know that other Mom's go through it and I know that my son is thriving, but I just never thought it would happen to me. I have taken all kinds of nursing meds and herbs and have dealt with all of their side effects... (They don't tell you on the back of the package that the number one use for herbs like Fenugreek is to help women in other countries gain weight...Thank you very much but I don't need help in that department!) I have called in specialists and I have pumped until well... lets just say I have fallen asleep on numerous occasions sitting up with the pump still attached... I have cried about it, laughed about it, and talked on and on about it. When I feed what little I am producing to Levi I refer to it as "Liquid Gold"... But I know that little by little day by day I am coming to accept that breastfeeding is just not in the cards for us this time. I have packed up the pumps and am nursing only a couple of times a day...

I am by all accounts going through my first failure as a mom... And that's ok with me... Listen you have to start somewhere right? I know in my heart that I need to learn how to deal with small "Hiccups" so that when he walks in with his nose pierced one day, Ill realize that its just a nose and even though that nose was made right here in me... its just a nose! (Hopefully he won't pierce his nose!)

So I'm ok with grieving... it just means that I'm taking the time to let it sink it, to go through all the stages of feelings I need to so that I can let it go...I'll try again with the next one, maybe it will be different, but if not I'll survive and so will he or she... It sure isn't slowing down this kid at 24 1/2 inches long and 14pounds.

My main goal in talking about this is to let those of you out there who have gone through this or are still going through this know that you are really not the only one. And that it's really ok to feel sad about it... Listen if everything went perfect in our lives what kind of people would we be... A very special person in my life told me long ago that having children brings you to your knees...I like it down here I think I'll stay awhile.

xoxo chef a

Part one of grieving...

On the IPOD "Amazing Grace" sung by Leann Rimes

This is partially a repeat of a blog I wrote last year about my Grandmother...I ended up changing it slightly and reading this at her funeral just a couple of weeks ago.

Being at my Grandmother's house was surreal... She has lived there over 50 years and although some things have moved around slightly there is something comforting about the sameness. The kitchen is small but efficient. Everything has it's place up to the dry measuring cups that hang on the wall. Central heat/air conditioning and a dishwasher were only added when my mother starting having babies. If I close my eyes tight enough I can taste the warm biscuit with butter and apple jelly that I ate for breakfast every morning there before we got back in the car and drove to Dallas.

Until the very end My Granny was still strikingly beautiful. She had a calmness about her. Some people might have thought that she was quiet but I've always thought that she just limited the pointless conversation and really just said what she means. I know her politics, I know that she paved a way for me by being a woman and a mother and holding down a job that was really intended for a man. She was the main provider for her family and from what I have heard my grandfather left a lot to be desired as a husband. When she got fed up enough with his alcoholic ways she sent him on his way, pulled her boots straps up and moved on. She lived a humbled life at times but always had food on the table.

Being the youngest of the grandchildren I got left out a lot. At the time I hated the fact that I was left back at the house while they cruised the neighborhood but looking back I was the lucky one because I got to sit and hear my father and her tell stories of their life. I treasure those memories now.

I have always known what an incredible woman she is...I could see it in my father's eyes. She has worked hard her entire life and did it with grace. I love her with all of my heart and I have never doubted the fact that she loves me back.

Being here to celebrate her 95th Birthday last year was bittersweet...It was priceless to be able to spend some quality time with her but after we hugged and said our "i love you's" it was hard to hold the tears back while driving away... I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that my Dad should have been here. He should get to see her still driving and planting and trying to not let me wash the dishes.

As the years have gone on our short "Hi, bye, I love you phone calls have turned into sometimes lengthy 1 hour ones. On our last long phone call the day before I gave birth to my son, Granny gave me a few words of advise... She told me to not worry about the baby being cute, take lots of pictures, come and visit me as soon as you can and she told me to not worry so much about getting back to work. She said she spent too much of her life worried about paying bills and working and that I should take some time to enjoy being a mom because it goes too fast...

I'm so very glad that Levi and I got the time we did with her last week... I got a call telling me that she had fallen and broken her hip, but we decided we should wait to come until after the surgery because they were going to have her on very strong medication. So our plans were to go on Thursday but when I spoke to my cousin on Tuesday night she said "She is asking when y'all are coming...I'm afraid she is waiting for you to get here." That's all it took on Wednesday morning I packed Levi and my Mom up and we headed to South East Texas. We got there in time for Levi and Granny to have a special moment together but by the next morning she was in ICU. On Friday morning I had a strong urge to go and talk with her. So at about 5 am I placed Levi on my Mom's chest and told her I would be back soon. When I got there she was tired...I talked with her about my Dad, my future, Levi's future... I told her that we would all be okay and that I loved her but I didn't want her to suffer any longer. I knew that she loved the song "Amazing Grace" and in truth there could not be a more perfect song for her. So we listened to it together as I held her hands while trying to hold back my tears and she seemed to relax. Later that afternoon she passed away still fiercely in dependant just the way she has always been.

I can only hope that I will be able to live up to the example that she has set forth. I hope that I can teach my children about the sacrifices that she made so that their grandfather, my father, could survive and flourish. And I hope that I can exude some of the grace that I have witnessed in her.

I love you Granny and Thank you for teaching me to have passion, to work hard and to always strive for the best

Levi James Marrone

On the IPOD "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" By: Eva Cassidy (Levi's Favorite Song)

Wow what a month! So to catch you up as the dust slides off the top of my laptop... Levi James Marrone was born on January 8th, 2011 at 10:07 AM, He was 8 pounds 13 ounces and 21 inches long. I ended up having a c-section and thank goodness because he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and he was also wedged in so tightly that they actually still had to use some maneuvering tactics to get him out. But we both did great and I was actually up and walking around before the end of the night. Breastfeeding got off to a great start but then we had a set back due to some jaundice issues, so we are still working on it...To be honest breastfeeding is a million times more difficult than I thought it would be...I guess I was a little naive.

Levi sleeps great during the day, nighttime is slightly different but hey what can I say he already likes to party! I never knew that it was possible to love something so much... I started back to work part time today... Levi came with me...it went pretty well...my old 20 minute morning routine has become more like an hour and 20 minutes although I know that it will get better. Having a baby is definitely an emotional adjustment...I have been lucky to not really experience the baby blues, but the lack of sleep can make tensions around the dinner table elevated to say the least! I guess the good thing is that we are both so tired that 30 minutes later neither of us can remember what we are even upset about!

On another note, I have never discussed poop so much in my life...it has become the hot topic of every conversation I have... I do have one extremely funny story to tell you... A couple of days ago my mom, aunt, uncle, Levi and I decided to grab an early dinner out at this small restaurant that we knew wouldn't be filled with sick children. The dinner part went great...He slept the whole time and only woke up at the very end. I decided to feed him before we left... All of the sudden I started to smell something rank...I asked my aunt to check to see if they had a changing table in the restroom, but they didn't so I thought well no biggie I'll just take him next door where I knew they had one. Well as soon as I tried to get him back into his carrier I noticed that I had poop on my hands and then I noticed that Levi had poop all down his legs...we were officially having a blowout! So we left my uncle at the table and the rest of us headed to the bathroom. Thank goodness my mom was there... she had Levi undressed and in the sink for a rinse off faster than I could even think about it... We all ended up with poop on our hands and his outfit was lucky that I had a plastic bag in the diaper bag because otherwise it would have ended up in the trash. Within minutes it was all over but the memory of this experience will last a lifetime! How is it possible for something so small to make such a mess?

What I have learned from parenthood so far is that none of us are better than anyone else when we have poop on our hands, planning and schedules don't mean anything to a newborn, my family and friends are amazing, I have never had more respect and appreciation for my mom, I miss my dad more and more everyday, and love makes everything easier!

xoxo chef a

On to the New Year...

On the IPOD "Let It Be" The Beatles

Well Hello... I know it has been quite some time, but I'm sure those of you who have been pregnant understand that the last couple of weeks are beyond not fun...

First I'll give you an update on little Levi... I was scheduled to be induced on Jan 8th unfortunately Levi has clammed up and decided that he is not willing to come out the old-fashioned way. He has decided that the birth canal is really not on his agenda so unless he changes his mind I will instead be most likely having a Cesarean on Jan 8th. Something tells me that he is taking after my husband and likes to take his sweet time to do things. I feel like the phrase, "Levi where are your shoes???" might be heard quite a bit in the mornings at our house. Either way it looks like 8 days from now I will be holding my baby boy instead of feeling him kicking me in the ribs!

On another note I feel like I have worried about my weight this entire pregnancy.. I have gained about 22 pounds, 2 of which are in the form of water weight in my puffy little hands. I am surrendering this last week though... I can honestly say that I don't care... I refuse to step on another scale or count calories in my head all day... the funny thing is that I will most likely lose weight because I wont be so focused on it! I have worried that my blood pressure would spike or my sugars would be high, but thank goodness that hasnt happened. My doctor even said this week, "I cant believe your blood pressure is still so low!"

I have learned many things over this last year of pregnancy some are good some not so good... I have learned how to throw up in every possible bathroom in the state of Texas. I have learned that when cooking over a gas stove while 8 months pregnant you must remember that your baby belly is at the exact height of the open flames. I have learned that I am not the type of girl who loves being pregnant...I actually think the girls that say they love it are really liars! I have learned to have tissues ready when I call the medical insurance company because I always end up in tears. And I have learned that most things are completely out of my control! Oh and one more thing...Ive learned that the only thing that saved the girl, whos never been pregnant, from being punched in the face when she actually told me last week that "I needed to just suck it up for the next weeks" is the fact that I couldn't roll myself off the couch quick enough to hit her!

I hope everyone has the most wonderful New Years Eve and Day. And I hope the next year is filled with love, adventure, and peace for each and every one of you! I will update you with any news as soon as it happens... For more up to the minute details I would check in on my facebook page!

xoxo chef a

Whatever you do...Don't bend over!

On the IPOD "The Chipmunk Song" By: The Chipmunks

Wow I can't believe I only have three weeks left of this miserable pregnancy... My hands look like those over sized tickle me Elmo gloves that are so popular this year. They are extremely puffy, red and all sorts of not cute! The only saving grace is that I have not had any swelling in my legs or feet...yet! I can not fully explain how badly my hands hurt...If I had only known that carpal tunnel was so bad chances are I would have chosen a career that isn't so hard on your hands. I'm trying to use them as sparingly as possible so that maybe it will go away when Levi comes...

My doctor gave me some pain pills to help at night and the first night they worked beautifully. Unfortunately I obviously built up a tolerance to them overnight because since that glorious night of sleep it has been all down hill! It was so bad yesterday morning that when I tried to wash out a glass in the sink with one of those long dish scrubbers, my hands just wouldn't work. I literally could not do it...it was so frustrating that I almost threw the brush across the room... the only thing that stopped me was that I realized I would have to bend over and pick the brush up which raises an entire other issue! Bending over is like a joke...I need a person on each side of me just to help me back up! Not to be graffic but they are telling you the truth when they say that during the last month your pelvic bones start making room for baby. Although "making room" is really a nice phrase for "splitting down the middle!"

I would be lying if I didn't say that every morning I wake up and pray that my water breaks... I know I should want him to stay in as long as possible but I'm over it! I mean even right now at 5:30 am Levi has such bad hiccups that my stomach looks like I'm having convulsions.

I'm really ready to stop working...I dont know what made me think I would want to work through New Years! Oh well, it's off to work I go!

Until later...

xoxo chef a

4 1/2 weeks...

On the IPOD "Baby, It's Cold Outside" By: Glee Cast

I would have to say there is nothing like lying on the couch and watching your unborn child do somersaults across your stomach... I mean last night I got a clear view of two little feet and a tushie. Pretty cute! Well it's cute to me... it does sort of look like I have an alien creature living inside of me!

Writing the blog is becoming a little difficult because I have a killer case of carpal tunnel and I'm trying to save my hands for chopping as much as possible...so my posts might be quickies for the remainder of this pregnancy. I finally succumb to taking some pain meds my doctor called in for me last night and to be honest I had the best night ever!

I've got about 4 1/2 weeks left and this is my last completely full week of work...I will still be working but I will be keeping it to one client a day! Here are some of the things I'm cooking over the next couple of days...

Minstrone
Hearty Beef Stew
Chicken Alfredo Casserole
Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas
Chicken Tagine with Spring Vegetables
Seared Filets
Chili
Beef Tortilla Casserole
Jalapeno Chicken
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Chicken Spaghetti
Smoked Jalapeno Cheese Sausages
Lemony Spanish Chicken
Seafood Scampi

And 22 wrapped and decorated pans of Brownies!

I have gained 17 pounds which to be honest feels more like 50 when I'm walking or waddling around...my stomach feels like it has it's own zip code! Well I better get ready for work but I am going to post some holiday recipes for you in the next day or so...so stay tuned!

xoxo chef a

Time To Let Go!

On the IPOD "Whiskey Lullaby" By: Alison Krauss and Brad Paisley

To all of you who knew this was going to happen I commend you on your foresight!

I have realized that maybe I was unrealistic about my working schedule both before the end of the year and after Levi gets here.

I'm a workaholic by nature... I have a very difficult time saying no to clients... I work almost every day of the week. I really like making money and to be honest our financial stability depends on the money I make. Although I love working for myself the downside is that private insurance does not include maternity benefits so let's just say little Levi is a very expensive package!!!
And to add insult to injury my career does not come with a whole lot of job security... ie: I can't really call the human resources department if someone stops using my services while I'm out on maternity leave!

Anyways because of all of these reasons my plans were to work up until delivery and then to take a couple of weeks off and then to jump right back into work with a baby in tow!

Well yesterday morning after sleeping a total of 2 hours and waking up to sharp shooting pains from the top of my uterus to my pelvic area... I broke down and thought maybe I'm being a tad bit unrealistic...

The anxiety that came over me as I headed to work did not include any of the fears I have read about... I'm not scared of the actual birth nor do I have fears about caring for a newborn... I, Amanda Marrone, am extremely afraid of not being able to work... Well actually it's more that I'm afraid of not making money!

When I called the doctor to let them know what was going on they assured me that it is normal and most likely braxton hicks and that my body is just getting ready but that they would check to make sure I wasn't dilating or anything at my next appointment. The nurse went on to say that because I work on my feet all day it might be time to slow down and think about going on maternity leave. As the tears hit my cheek I thought to myself... What is this maternity leave you speak of??? Heck I can't even get my private insurance to pay a doctors bill!

After work I took a long nap, Mike called on his way home and after I shed some more tears, he reassured me that it will all work out... And if I can't continue to work up until Levi gets here then I just won't! It did make me feel better that he is behind me with whatever needs to happen in the coming weeks!

I'm not going to lie... my expectations of what I will be able to accomplish work wise while on very little sleep after the boy is here are probably still completely unrealistic but at least I know that I am able to break down a little bit and realize that it most likely won't go according to my plan.

xoxo chef a

Thanksgiving

On the IPOD "Put You In A Song" By: Keith Urban

Hey all I hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving!!! Mine was extremely busy... 
Black eyed pea dip
Artichoke dip
Butternut squash soup
Harvest salad
Cranberry orange sauce
6 turkeys in all
Traditional, Cajun, and Garlic Herb
2 Peppercorn crusted beef tenderloins
Corn bread dressing
Whipped sweet potatoes with praline topping
Mashed potatoes
Roasted potatoes
Green bean casserole
Broccoli cheese rice casserole
Haricot verts almondine 
Pumpkin Ginger roll 
Mixed berries

This was obviously for more than one family!!! I can't explain my joy when it was all over!  Mucho thanks go out to my aunt and my mom for helping me get everything done this year!

It's very nice to know that I only have regular clients, no parties, through the end of the year, because the little boy is making it much more difficult to work.

On Friday I did just a little bit of shopping before nia and then I headed out to the art museum with my family. It was so nice to have a real day off and it felt extremely decadent.

Saturday turned into a full day with a wonderful birthday lunch for my aunt and then I hosted a Marrone family dinner to celebrate my husbands birthday on Monday. 

With 6 weeks left I have definitely started nesting and really trying to get everything done.

Blogging has been more difficult because

#1 I'm exhausted

#2 I have some serious carpel tunnel from the pregnancy plus all of the cooking I do which makes my fingers numb making typing a tad difficult.

#3 I have baby brain meaning all I'm really thinking about is Levi and how uncomfortable I am making blogging more of a bitch fest! 

On the weight front I have gained about 15 or 16 pounds so far.  I'm sure it will go up some more and I'm ok with that...  

I think it's time for a Sunday morning nap... Check in with y'all later! 

xoxo chef a

P.S. I hope to post some nursery pics this week so if you are interested keep your eyes peeled!

Birthing Class

On the IPOD "Firework" By: Katy Perry

So Ive come to a conclusion that it is amazing I made it through high school! My attention span is terrible. I can't tell you the last time I had to sit through a class while not on ADHD meds but let's just say that the first half of birthing class was painfully difficult...

Our class started at 9 am and they consider this particular class to be the crash course on babies. We went into it knowing that it would be an all day affair and that we would leave knowing most of everything we need to at least get Levi home. I was a nanny for about 7 years until I went full time personal chef but that was a good 10 years ago so I knew I would be a tad bit rusty.

When we got to the full class we all went around and said our names, our due date, sex of baby, and name if we had it. I'm going to go ahead and say the group was definitely a mixed bunch... some married, some not, some older, and some most likely still in high school. It did make me grateful that we are at the stage in our life that we are. Everybody seemed nice enough although the guy next to Mike had I would say the worst dandruff Ive ever seen, he definitely needs a good sterilization before his child comes!

The first half of the class was about the actual birth. Breathing techniques, positions, med choices, and films and slides of what actually happens to your body. Lets just say I almost lost it when they showed what 10 cm really looks like. An anesthesiologist came to speak with us about an epidural and that might have been the best part of the first half. It was incredibly nice of him to take time to answer everyones questions.

By 12 pm I didn't know if I would be able to sit any longer...thank goodness we went on a tour of the hospital. We visited labor and delivery, the nursery, and postpartum. The teacher explained to us the importance of having everyone leave the room after the birth and giving ourselves an opportunity to breastfeed and bond until they move us to the postpartum room. After the tour we took a break for lunch.

After lunch we started on baby care. Each couple got a baby and we learned about the first bath and how to take care of the umbilical cord and circumcision site. We also learned soothing techniques, diaper duty, and swaddling. We discussed SIDS, colds, and pediatricians. And we spent a good hour talking about breastfeeding including positioning, pumping, and problems. After we cleaned up our bathing mess she passed out the CPR babies. We took turns and learned infant CPR and the Heimlich. And finish off the class by discussing car seats and baby safety.

The second part of the class was by far my favorite...I'm definitely a hands on kind of person! By the time we got home I was exhausted! Unfortunately I've been fighting with third trimester "morning sickness" and have been sick every night lately. This next week is going to be crazy. This is the last holiday I'm working before the baby comes...I swear...well for clients at least.

All in all even with the ADHD I'm so glad we went to the class. I'm so glad that I feel like a have a timeline and that I know what I need to go ahead and take care of and that I feel even more confident of my birthing decisions. Best of all Mike and I are totally on the same page as far as baby care and I feel confident that if I can't handle something at any given moment...he can. We walked in as Amanda and Mike and walked out as Team Marrone. Pretty cool if you ask me!

xoxo chef a

News...

On the IPOD "Dont Hold Me Down" By: Colbie Caillat

So as you can see we have decided on the little boy's name... Levi James Marrone.

After many long and frustrating hours it's picked....well unless... I'm kidding this is it!

The next seven weeks really can't go fast enough now...I'm beyond ready!

So this is sort of a public service announcement... I registered for a breast feeding pillow that I really really wanted and actually two of my closest friends got it for me which I was thrilled about because I could keep one in my car. Unfortunately when I took it out of the package to try it on...one of them was covered in someone else's breast milk. GROSS! First I called Buy Buy Baby the main store I'm registered at and they were beyond helpful and apologetic. They looked through their records and even when they realized that it wasn't purchased there they told me to come in and they would take care of it...I should've just gone there because when I called Babies R Us, where I found out it had been purchased, their response was simply, "Ok bring it back and we will exchange it!" Sorry if that didn't really cut it for me... When I got to the store I asked for the manager who by the way wouldn't even open the package because he said it kind of grossed him out. When I asked him why it wasn't checked when it was brought back his response was to the tune of, "well we ask the customer if it is damaged and unless they say yes, we put it back on the shelf." He put the money back on a gift card and told me I was welcome to look around for something else...

As I was walking around I really couldn't shake the feeling of disgust...even when I looked at their packages of bottles all I could think about was them being returned used and placed back on the shelf. I might be over-reacting but I'm not sure I can go back there... I feel like breast feeding pillows should be single person use only. Maybe the stores should have demos that you can try on but the new ones should be sealed and if returned they should be donated or at least not resold. Today I will be calling the corporate headquarters because I just don't feel like the store manager understands the real issue. My friend felt horrible but it is not at all her fault...when you buy something at a store you should feel confident that the item you are spending your money on is in new perfect condition and if a baby store can't guarantee that who can?

I will let you all know what corporates response is but I will be looking for a breast feeding pillow that is completely sealed, thank you very much!

xoxo chef a

Bathroom Breaks

On the IPOD "Is This Love" By: Corrine Bailey Rae

Oh my I'm sorry it has been so long but when I say I have been working my tail off I really have ...yesterday alone I had count them 3 clients in Fort Worth which is a good 45 minutes from where I live... It was nice to get them all done in one day but my body is taking a beating for sure!

Over the weekend I had some 3D/4D sonogram pictures taken, I posted one on the blog but feel free to check the others out on my facebook page. It was an awesome experience I can't believe he already has a little personality in there... it made everything even more real.

I think that the worst thing about being 8 months preggers is the constant need to go to the bathroom...especially in the middle of the night when my legs dont want to cooperate. Anyone who works on their feet all day know what im talking about when I say that my feet and legs just take a little bit more time to start going in the middle of the night and in the morning but mix that with a bouncing baby boy on my bladder and the need to go potty like 5 minutes ago and what you get is a waddling uncomfortable pregnant girl running to the bathroon in the middle of the night with no feeling in her legs and more times then not a need to take a shower afterwards because she didnt quite make it. Im really ready for January!

I guess the point of all of this is so you are so humiliated by the time you give birth that you no longer really care what people think when your kid is screaming in the middle of the grocery store! But of course, I have no idea about kids screaming in public because my son will be a perfect gentleman...ya right!

Well I guess I should get myself ready for another day at work...Ugh!

xoxo chef a

Our Responsibility

On the IPOD "The House That Built Me" By: Miranda Lambert

So first of all I have to tell you about this amazing ice cream I found...it's not low fat, low sugar, or low calorie, but it happens to be completely worth it! It's Blue Bell "Spiced Pumpkin Pecan!" I happen to be a pumpkin fan but even if you don't think its your thing... could anything be better than creamy pumpkin ice cream with sugared spiced pecans and a ribbon of caramel. All I'm saying is we will definitely be having a Spiced Pumpkin Pecan ice cream cake for thanksgiving this year!

On a more serious note....

Although I don't normally talk about current events I am going to discuss why Demi Lovato is in a treatment center. I don't know all of the details of her personal story obviously... But I do know what it feels like to be bullied growing up and not in a beat you up after science class kind of way. It was more of a say such hurtful things to you it makes you hate yourself from the inside kind of way. I think I would have rather just been taken out on the playground...

I have gone into detail about growing up as a chubby kid and being tormented by other girls. I have also discussed refusing to go to school for almost an entire year because of it. I feel lucky that I was personally strong enough to never hurt myself in a physical way but I can definitely see how easy it would have been to go in the other direction.

Our country is facing a horrible truth... Unfortunately the society image we are teaching our children through our own actions and those portrayed on television and in the movies is finally catching up with us. As much as we are worried about health insurance and taxes we should be forced to worry about what is happening in our schools as the suicide rate climbs and climbs and the ages get younger and younger.

At what point will we take responsibility for creating hate??

I honestly don't know the answers to how to fix this but I do know that it needs to be addressed because it would be a real shame if we end up with a generation of kids who can play every sport, two musical instruments, and get accepted into all the best colleges but who are so stressed out and unhappy that they end up not being able to function in the real world! Maybe our priorities need to shift a bit...

I hope the mothers and fathers out there really hear this blog today because I think that the emotional safety of your children lies in your hands... We have to teach our kids how to stand up to the bullying, how to treat their peers with respect and love and more than anything we need to make sure that self confidence is built at home where our children should feel loved and supported no matter what their strengths and weaknesses are because not every kid is going to be a star football player or dancer. And not every kid is going to be a straight A student and most of all not every kid is going to look the way you hoped they would. They might not be skinny or they might be too skinny, you might not like the clothes they pick out and they might not be popular... But fortunately school is very small portion of a persons entire life and our goal as parents should be to help our kids love themselves as much as possible so that they can grow up and do great things for this world!

Xoxo chef a

Pain in the Back!

On the IPOD "Time Warp" Rocky Horror Show Soundtrack

Why oh Why have I been awake since 3 am...Ugh! This has been the longest week ever... I'm so excited to announce that I have just under 10 weeks to go. I'm definitely uncomfortable...don't worry I'm fully aware that it is going to get worse. To say that my back hurts is an understatement...it is like I can feel my insides moving around to make room for the little boy and I'm a tad bit over it! I have decided that there isn't a comfortable seat... well... anywhere!

To top it off I have a full day of cooking later today...

I have gained 13 pounds so far. I'm hoping to keep it at under 10 more, yet as I sit here eating a small bag of mini oreos at 4:30 am, I admit weight loss is not at the top of my list of "To do's" at the moment.

I can't believe I have to go to work right now...there are some days that I wish I had a sick line that I could just call and say I'm taking a personal day. See you would think because I work for myself that I could just take off whenever, but unfortunately that is just not how it works!

So after I make...
Chicken Drumettes
Seared Pork Chops
Miso glazed Salmon
Butternut Squash Soup
Chicken Fajitas
Hamburgers
Turkey Meatballs
Veggie Lomein
Shredded Chicken Tamales
and various side dishes

I will be taking a nice long afternoon nap.

If anyone has any miracle tricks to easing the 3rd trimester aches and pains please enlighten me, so far I have tried warm baths, heating pads, Tylenol (which I'm pretty sure is just a sugar pill!), and every pillow on the market!

Any new ideas would be lovely! I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween and at least got one bite of their favorite candy...Halloween candy doesnt have calories if you eat it standing up, right? I mean everyone knows that!

xoxo chef a

Passed!

On the IPOD "Vole" By: Celine Dion

So I PASSED the annoying glucose test with flying colors!!!! Whoohoo! My bloodwork in general was great except for being a little anemic, oh well I guess I'll be eating lots of spinach and taking an iron supplement!

I worked all day today...
Crab Cakes with Creole Mustard Sauce
Garlic Herb Mussels
Veggie Fried Rice
Roasted Chicken
Four Cheese Mac and Cheese
Roasted Brisket with carrots and potatoes
Winter Chopped Salad
Pecan Crusted Tilapia
Butternut Squash Soup

After work I nested a little by completing the babies closet and I even worked on fixing up an antique dresser that I need a couple of knobs for... By the way If anyone out there knows where to get old skeleton keys, I would appreciate the info! I even worked on some thank you notes... Amazing!

I forgot to tell you that last week I showed up to our regular monthly chefs meeting and was surprised with a chef baby shower! It was wonderful. I can't even tell you how nice it is to have so many thoughtful friends!

I'm so excited to be going to nia tonight... Little bit is already dancing in my tummy so hopefully a dance around the room will lead to a nice little nap!

Nia was fantastic!
And now to sleep... Lately my favorite time of the day :) !!!

Xoxo chef a

Tests, Shots, and New Pants!

On the IPOD "Save Me From Myself" By: Christina Aguilera

Well today is the big doctors appointment... fasting blood work, sonogram, flu shot and the rhogam shot. For those of you who don't know when you have a negative blood type and you have a baby, you have to get a shot so that your body doesn't build up antibodies against the babies. Anyways there could be a hundred mornings where I'm never hungry but yet just the thought that I cant eat anything puts me into a tail spin. I even had a dream that I accidentally ate a carrot in my sleep and messed up the test... Oops! I'm gonna be late I'll write more later...

Ok I'm back, the test was terrible... Thank goodness I got through the blood draw but as soon as I got into the car after lunch let's just say food on a sugary empty stomach is a recipe for disaster! I got so sick that I not only threw up but I also peed my pants... Ah the joys of pregnancy! When I called the doctors office the nurse informed me that this happens alot especially when you take the one hour test on an empty stomach. I better pass because I refuse to take the three hour test... I would rather just go on a sugar free diet!

Today, Saturday, I'm helping my mom with a jelly show at J.J. Pearce high school in Richardson. If your around you should stop by , the only time I won't be there is between 11-2:30 because I'm going to a friends baby shower. It's also open tomorrow... There are a crazy amount of vendors with really good stuff so something tells me I'll be shopping too... Let's hope someone has some really cute baby boy stuff!

The baby is measuring almost 3 pounds and he looks perfect. Unfortunately he is still breech! Here's to hoping that he turns around and gets into the right position!

So I hope to see you at the show this weekend and then you can see this baby bump up close and personal!

Xoxo chef a

Attack Of The Maternity Pants

On the IPOD "Every Girl Like Me" By: Sugarland

Have you ever tried to put on a pair of maternity pants when you couldn't really see your feet? I'm going to go ahead and say that if you haven't been pregnant you haven't experienced this one...just a guess. Well let me try to set it up for you... Imagine a pair of really nice black maternity slacks... long regular pants with a strange 8 inch band of foreign stretchy material at the top that make them look like they are a size 0... At first you might even think, "Ya there is no way those are going to fit over this!" But oddly enough when you try them on in the store at about 6 months pregnant they work and have plenty of room for growing so you buy them and think these are gonna be great. You take them home and hang them up for your next big event and return to your $20 yoga pants that still fit. Now all of the sudden something happens when you hit your seventh month... one morning you just wake up and suddenly your view has changed from admiring your feet to instead stretching to see your toe nail polish color. But as far as your concerned nothing has really changed you're still your usual limber self just with a limited view.

Well let me explain the wake up call when you pull those beautiful expensive maternity slacks out for a spin... Lets just say they should have a warning on them saying "DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PUT THESE ON WHILE STANDING UP!" Because there is nothing cute about a really pregnant girl trying to find the leg holes in pants where the elastic top shrinks to a size 0 while not on your body! It could actually be a really funny youtube video, but probably not the best idea for you or your unborn child. And let me assure you if it was this hard to put on the pants today...I can't imagine what it will be like in a month or two. So in conclusion I have found yet another unexpected danger while carrying a child...It seems as if everything could harm your baby's health even getting dressed! Next time I will try to put the pants on while sitting down so that at least the hardest task will be lifting myself off of the couch instead of tripping over my own feet and landing on the floor!

Ah if only the house was rigged with cameras so that I could win a million dollars on "America's Funniest Home Videos" ...

Have a great day everyone!

xoxo chef a

Work Work and More Work

On the IPOD "Raise Your Glass" By: Pink

I have been working to the max...I guess it has to do with my overwhelming need to put everything into place before the baby gets here and knowing that I am going to have to take off a little bit of time forces my ocd self to strike while the iron is hot. Unfortunately the downfall of this is that I haven't had a day of this week and I'm even working on Saturday as well...

I'm feeling pretty good just tired...I've had some Braxton Hicks contractions not terrible just a little nerve wracking. I swear this child is kicking me all night long which makes sleeping a luxury! I'm having a major craving for pumpkin bread so I hope to spend a little time this weekend trying to come up with a killer version, hopefully somewhat low in fat and sugar...I'll let you know how it goes... My Mother in law is hosting a tea for me with her closest girlfriends tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to a fun relaxing afternoon. I was going to work a little in the morning but my mom stepped in and vetoed that decision, so instead I'm treating myself to a deluxe mani pedi.

Sorry I've been sort of absent lately but it is really difficult to write a lot since I feel like I'm just complaining about the state I'm in. I swear I'm just wondering where are the girls that think pregnancy is the best thing since sliced bread and why can't I catch a little of their positive attitude! Cause I feel like I'm in complete bitch mode and I'm pretty sure that everyone around me agrees!

xoxo chef a

Is this kid ever full????

On the IPOD "Come On Get Higher" By: Matt Nathanson

First of all the blog is on a contest on the MoveStudio fan page on facebook. To vote you have to first like the MoveStudio page and then you can vote by commenting on the voting post. Please vote for #3 "The Special Place". Thanks xoxo

I can't explain to you how hungry I am... I'm trying to make good choices but I swear this kid is always hungry... I woke up at about 2:30am and tried and tried to go back to sleep but it just didn't work. Of course the second I got up you know who was starving. So I got a single serving of 2% cottage cheese and finished it off with my new favorite thing... an Archer Farms (Target brand) Cinnamon Home style chunky apple sauce cup. I finally fell back to sleep on the couch at about 6 and then was up again by 7 and hungry again by 7:15 this time I had about 2/3 cup of granola with milk. I'm thinking that I need to spend some time today grilling some chicken breasts so that maybe I can force down some protein instead of just eating carbs and dairy (my two favorite things!) I am fully aware that now that I am in my third trimester the little guy is growing faster and I will gain weight more quickly, but I would be lying if I said that I don't obsess somewhat over the scale.

I went back to Nia on Saturday and I got through about 45 minutes before the sciatica got unbearable and I had to sit on a ball in the back. The ball happened to be the best idea ever! So I will be heading back tonight with a big smile on my face that I can actually be there!

As much as I'm "enjoying" this pregnancy I have to say that I can't wait to be able to get back to regular weightloss blogs with I'm sure some funny tales of a first time mother. I hope you can't wait too!

xoxo chef a

The last few days of my second trimester...

On the IPOD "Belong" By: Cary Brothers

I have been fighting with some major allergies/sinuses this week making it very difficult to get up in the mornings, hence the lack of blogs, but I'm hoping if I just take it easy this weekend that maybe by Monday I'll feel like myself again...

I had a doctors appointment this week, everything is looking good...no swelling, no massive weight gain (I gained 2 pounds this month for a grand total of almost 9), and baby is kicking up a storm lately so those are all good things. I have to go back in two weeks...I'm not really looking forward to it... I have to get an rh negative shot because my blood type is negative and I have the sugar test which I better frickin pass! By then I will be soaring into my 3rd trimester and I'm really really ready.

The doctor also said it is looking like we will most likely induce on January 8th if I don't go into labor before that... kinda weird and cool that it is the day after my Dad died... I guess we will just see what happens... It is slightly overwhelming to make all of these big decisions before the baby gets here like life insurance and writing our will, but I guess its just part of being a parent. We also just signed up for birthing classes next month which should lead to at least one hysterical blog.

Well today is an extremely full day at work, I have a regular client downtown and then a kosher shabbat dinner to cook on the other side of town. I will feel much more calm at about 5:30pm. I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!!

xoxo chef a

A Special Place

On the IPOD "The Scientist" By: Coldplay

Well what I thought were just allergies turned into a body aching, itchy eyes, sneezing fits kind of cold and to say that I'm over it is an understatement! The unfortunate thing is that I missed the Movestudio Anniversary event last night...

I decided to talk a little bit about how Movestudio helped me to change my life.
For years I drove by this dance studio close to my moms house...every once in a while I looked up the schedule and talked myself out of actually showing up to a class with excuses like; I don't have the right clothes, I'll never be able to keep up, I'll be too embarrassed. But a year ago that all changed... I decided to face my weight problems head on through this blog and without thinking twice I joined my mom for a chair yoga class. From the moment I walked in I felt extremely comfortable. That first class was really geared more towards my mom's age group, but not only did I feel great for actually getting through the hour class but I ended up with a funny tale to tell from the experience. When I left that day I decided to just dive right in and try more classes.

The next day I showed up for Jule's Nia class... I stood in the back row on the right side and had no idea what I was doing but I fell in love with being there. As the weeks went on I came back more and more and finally found my spot in the back row but on the other side of the room. The most amazing thing happened... I built relationships with the other dancers. They eventually became followers of my blog and more importantly became advocates in my life. They have made it possible for me to be strong in moments of weakness and to be present in the class when it felt like I was failing in the outside world. Being in Nia class gave me the strength to to try other classes like Zumba and eventually the Zensual classes which in the darkest moments of infertility helped me to feel like a woman even when it felt impossible. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel like Movestudio has changed my life. It has not been all perfect, there are times when I dance in the wrong direction and even a moment when I fell to the floor in 7 inch platforms. But it made me realize that I would rather try something and have an embarrassing funny story to tell then to not have tried it at all...

In the last year I have lost 60 pounds, I have been through a grueling round of infertility, I have become a dancer, I have gained unmeasurable amounts of self esteem, and I am now 6 1/2 months pregnant with a baby boy! Although this pregnancy has been a tad bit difficult and I have missed more classes than I have wanted to. I know that my place remains. Knowing that my Nia girls and boys are waiting patiently for my return makes each pound I gain a little less painful. And knowing that I will be bringing my son up around such amazing and supportive friends makes Movestudio hold a very special place in my heart. I hope that those of you reading this blog are lucky enough to find a place like Movestudio, a place that helps you to change your life from the inside out.

To another 10 years...

xoxo chef a

6 months down...

On the IPOD "Picture Window" By: Ben Folds and Nick Hornby

Something happens when you are pregnant... that thing in your brain that makes you stay calm and relaxed goes out the door and those who say obnoxious things to you take the chance of getting an earful in exchange. I guess you could call it...losing your internal filter. I can't even tell you the amount of times in the last week that I have just sort of lost it. I wish I could say that I want my filter back but I really don't... I really believe that most of society really needs to evaluate the garbage that comes out of their mouth and if it takes a baby boy who is sitting on my sciatic nerve to help me not take crap from people then I guess it's all worth it! :)

On a side note we went to the opening day at the state fair on Friday. A couple of interesting things happened...The first thing is that nothing really even sounded good to eat except of course for my favorite popsicle the "Nestle triple blast". They are huge and I had two! The second thing is that as if it happened over night my usually gracefull stride has taken a more waddle like appearance which honestly I'm not too thrilled about, but I guess it is just part of the fun! So I will just keep on waddling!

I am officially past the 6 month mark so just another 15 weeks until Baby Marrone is here! It really has gone by fast even if it feels like an eternity at the moment. I hope everyone has a wonderful Tuesday and I promise to try and control my rage against the nation...well unless someone says the wrong thing :)

xoxo chef a

The packed away 12-string

On the IPOD "Danny's Song" By: Kenny Loggins

Lately I have spent an odd amount of time thinking about who my son will be... Wondering what he will be like and what will be important to him. At the same time I have had this need to pick up my guitar again... I think I set it down the day that I decided to leave music school and become a chef. I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to give it up just so that I could start a new journey, but I did.

I'm not going to lie, my heart broke just a little bit that day... I think I really believed that I was supposed to be the next best thing... that some music executive was going to suddenly walk into the coffee shop and find me there... But instead I was busting my butt in a music class with 1500 other kids trying to become the next underpaid music teacher. At the time it was just easier to put the guitar back in its case and push it to the back of the room.

Over the last 10 years, I've picked it up from time to time and maybe even played a little with all of the doors shut... but there hasn't been any public acknowledgement of my entire high school identity... So the question is... why now when fitting a guitar in front of this baby belly is a challenge does it seem so important to pick up where I left off???

Something tells me that maybe this little boy has something to do with it... I have this overwhelming desire to share that part of my life with him...not so that one day he will become what I always thought I wanted to be but just because I don't want to have to tell him one day that his mom used to know how to play the guitar and that she doesn't play anymore because she didn't get the outcome she wanted so she just gave up. Maybe I never learned to play so that I would become the next singer/songwriter. Maybe the whole reason was so that one day when my child was screaming in the middle of the night I could pick it up and soothe him back to sleep. All I know is that I'm tired of starring at it in the case and I'm ready to find out what it means to me now...at this stage of my life.

xoxo chef a

Shopping...

On the IPOD "A Little Bit Stronger" By: Sara Evans

Sorry I've been MIA this weekend but to tell you the truth I was slightly overwhelmed with cooking for Yom Kippur (Probably the most important Jewish holiday!) I'm starting to realize that I'm going to have to really be selective and slow down over Thanksgiving and the December Holidays and mainly just focus on my regular clients... that should go over well!

On another note I finally bit the bullet and took my first trip to the maternity store... I was pleasantly surprised when I tried on my pre-pregnancy jean size and they ended up being 2 sizes too big and not in the places that I will grow while pregnant. The funny thing is that when I tried them on the sales lady said, "Wow, those are way too big you need a smaller size." I'm going to go ahead and say that that was the first time that I've ever heard that statement! When the lower sized jeans didn't come in the right color I realized how ridiculous I was being in the first place... There is no way that I'm going to wear maternity jeans I don't even own a pair of regular jeans so I don't really know what I was thinking... Instead I ended up with a super cute pair of bootcut black pants (in the smaller size!) and a black dress for special occasions. Besides that I'm just going to wear the heck out of my stretchy black yoga and Nia pants and some simple black camisoles with wraps and sweaters.

The greatest part of this coming week is that The State Fair of Texas opens on Friday! I cant wait to be out there with good friends and I'm hoping Baby Marrone will cooperate... I'm not going to be stupid though...I'm taking my own car, I'm going to drink lots of water, and I will try to stay indoors most of the day.

I can't believe I am 6 months preggers and only have 4 months to go! It's just crazy before I know it I will be posting baby pics and discussing spit up. Oh and I will gladly return to my weightloss struggles!

I hope everyone has a perfect Monday and now that the holidays are over for awhile I should be posting more regularly!

xoxo chef a

What a pain in the leg...

On the IPOD "Parachute" By: Ingrid Michaelson

To be honest I'm having a rough week... My work load is at an all time high, which is great financially but I'm having a major issue with sciatica. If you are unaware of what sciatica is, it is pain caused by nerve compression in the lower spine. Mine unfortunately has taken root in my left thigh and I have to admit that I actually considered ripping my leg off yesterday. It feels like my leg is on fire on the inside... Anyways besides being a pain during the work day it is also making Nia a bit of a challenge. Last night I found myself limping to bed while questioning how I'm going to make it through the holidays without slowing down.

My doctor suggested I get a pregnancy harness, it's like a bra for your growing belly that supposedly really helps woman who stand alot. Let's just say it isn't super sexy... but I guess if it works then it might just be the sexiest thing in the world. And since we are discussing bellies, mine has surpassed my boobs... I mean it is like it happened overnight...I mean I looked in the mirror in Nia last night and I swear it looked like I was carrying a line backer! I know those of you who have been through this before are probably saying..."Just wait!" but for me this is a very new thing and I can't even fathom what my tummy will look like in the next 4 months.

Anyways I'm really hoping that the harness thing works because if not I might just have to learn how to cook and dance from a seated position! Well since I fell asleep in the middle of writing this, it is unfortunately work time again. Ugh!

xoxo chef a

The First Year....

On the IPOD "Breathe Again" By: Sara Bareilles
(Sorry to repeat the artist two posts in a row, but the album is just tooo good!)

The last three days have been rough! Who knew a knee replacement surgery was maybe one of the hardest surgeries ever. My mom's pain threshold is extremely high and yet the pain put her in tears. I'm just glad to be past day three! Thanks for all of your comments on facebook wishing her well!

Anyhow I left the last blog asking you who your worst critic is....the reason I asked is because when I was hangin with a couple of my favorite girls last week we were pretty much discussing how much "body hate" is ok. I know it seems weird to put it like that...I'm mean in a perfect world we would love our body no matter what, but yet our world is far from perfect.

Over the last year many things have changed in my life. A year ago I started this blog...I have relinquished almost all of my secrets to maybe get to a point that I would have to be completely honest with myself. In the process, I lost 60 pounds in 6 months and then after a year of trying, I got pregnant with the help of the best doctor ever, some lovely hormones, a husband, a veterinarian, and a relaxing trip to Rosemary Beach. It takes a village! Believe me when I say, I still have a ways to go on the weight loss front and it will be confronted as soon as this little boy is born, but the question still lingers over my head... Is my relationship with my own body healthier than it was a year ago???? That's a hard one...in many ways I would say yes, but yet even at 5 1/2 months pregnant, the 4 1/2 pounds that I've gained are still difficult and it's hard for my to not jump off the scale and watch every bite I take in complete and utter disgust. It seems that the line between being an over eater and being a fanatical weight watcher is getting thinner and thinner.

There was a time when I would have said that the people around me were my worst critics... but that has definitely changed I have realized that yes their comments were harmful to me and might have even exposed me to the news that I was heavier than the other kids, but it was me who turned their comments into a minute by minute battle within myself. If I continue to put the blame on them...I'll never really be able to have the control. And isn't that what I'm really searching for???? Whether I'm controlling myself by eating a snickers bar under my covers or looking up the calorie count of a restaurant menu before we go out to eat, it seems that what I'm really trying to feel is control. I have to say that's one of the most difficult parts about being pregnant... I really never have the control. Which could possibly put me in a tail spin when the baby comes and then my weight ends up being the only part of my life I can control...

I guess my conclusion is that this blog has saved my life! Not only in health, but by giving me the best gift ever and that is the line between my brain, my fingers, this keyboard, and you... Whether you are reading because you've known me my whole life and you find this window as a guilty pleasure or because you have no idea who the heck I am but maybe we share something beyond our place in this world. I thank you for listening and for your comments and for your good karma. And I hope one day to say that I have a good mixture of really healthy self love with a little bit of good old "body hate." I mean I wouldn't want to be plastic...

So to the next year....

xoxo chef a

A Sweet New Year!

On the IPOD "Kaleidoscipe Heart" By: Sara Bareilles

So this is going to be short and sweet mainly because it is the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah and I'm slammed! On top of that I'm sitting in the waiting room at the hospital because my mom is having a knee replacement... This is my menu for the holiday for four different families...

27 pounds of Balsamic Braised Short Ribs
40 pounds of Roasted Brisket
16 pounds of Baked Chicken Drumettes
30 pounds Roasted Chicken
Sweet Potato Tzimmes
Green Bean Casserole
Spinach Soufflé
Roasted Carrots and Potatoes
Roasted New Potatoes
Israeli Couscous
Sweet Peas
Apples and Honey
Low Fat Blueberry Cheesecake
Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cake
Fresh Berry Triffle

Oy Vay! I sure hope I can fit everything in!

To the Jew Crew, I hope you have a wonderful and extra sweet new year!

I'm going to leave you with a question or a thought to be discussed at the next post....

Who is the your worst critic? And what role does it play in your everyday life?

P.S. This is the one year anniversary of my blog... I have not forgotten and tomorrow's post will reflect that!

Xoxo chef a

Deep breaths

On the IPOD "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" By: The Smiths

How is it possible that I could love a man so much yet be on such a different page regarding our child's name??

This question has unfortunately left me in tears for the better part of two day... I'm sure it is not the only thing...it is a mixture of hormones, pressure, and of course some body image issues all rolled up together...

But I'm pretty sure I've got a problem when it's midnight and I'm typing into "Google", "Is it normal to be crying so much at 5 months pregnant?"

This morning, crying was pretty much the first thing I did...I don't really know why I'm putting so much pressure on myself to find this perfect name that makes our entire family happy and that honors all the people we are supposed to... At first I thought that by honoring someone in my son's name it will somehow help him to remember the great men who came before him, but in realty our son will know the great men because we will take time to tell him stories about them. By using someone's name it is not like it somehow brings them back, but yet it still pulls at my heartstrings to not do it. Mike on the other hand thinks that our child deserves his own identity with no connection to anyone or anything (well except when we thought it was a girl because then all of the sudden "Sofia Vergara" sounded like a perfect name! Just kidding, kind of...). The hard part is that I do want my child to have his own identity, but I think there can be a compromise. I guess we will see what happens...

I'm going to try to de-stress myself at Nia this morning and hopefully gain some sort of peace regarding all things baby. As far as I'm concerned the only thing that might make me feel better is a really nice dinner... Maybe my husband will get the hint! Until Nia I plan to mope on the couch with my favorite blanket and eat some cereal.

Until tomorrow...
Xoxo chef a

A Rant...

On the IPOD "Fallin' For You" By: Colbie Caillat

So this is old news for those of you who are friends with me on facebook, but for the rest of you...We finally found out that it is most definitely a BOY! Since we found that out we have been bombarded with name game questions and we are yet again tabling the discussion on names but I do promise to let everyone know at a specific time before he gets here. I used to get so annoyed at people for keeping it a secret but I completely understand now...even when I change my wording from "what do you think about...?" to "We are thinking about..." I continue to get the same response of "Oh I hate that name!" or "No, you should change it to..." Let me explain the correct etiquette if you ask someone what names they are thinking about and they actually tell you...your response should point blank be "Oh that's (wonderful, beautiful, perfect....)" I'm not quite sure how one would think that by asking you what names you are considering it gives them the right to give their opinion... especially when you never asked for it! If you really want to name a kid then you go through the morning sickness, back pain, ligament stretching, and heartburn. Until then either figure out a way to smile and say you love it or don't ask!

Sorry for the rant but to tell you the truth the most important thing to me is that Mike and I agree and the last thing I need is people making me second guess our extremely difficult decision! I mean maybe I'm the only one but I have never met someone and thought to myself "Ugh, I hate their name, I refuse to be friends with them!" It seems like the only time people discuss the kid's name is before they are even born! After that they are just who they are and that's the end of the story! So please know that when I finally announce our son's name it will be to the tune of....Suck it up this is his name!

Well at least I feel better now! This morning I woke up to a baby doing somersaults... and now he is currently in his favorite sleeping position which includes him jamming his feet into my lower back and directly into my sciatic nerve. It's awesome...NOT! Well I'm off to cook so that maybe I can make my Nia class tonight...

Jalapeno Chicken
Sauteed Broccolini
Pan-Seared Chicken with Proscuitto Fig Sauce
Stir-fried Haricot Verts
BBQ Glazed Salmon
Sauteed Chopped Veggies
Balsamic Braised Shortribs
Grilled Mexican Corn
Mexican Tortilla Casserole
Peppered Pork Loin with Creamy Cheddar Grits
Chicken Spaghetti

Hope everyone has a great day today!

xoxo chef a

Dreaming Of Sleeping

On the IPOD "Shine On" By: Ryan Cabrera

Do you ever feel like you can't wait to get into bed... I mean not a normal "Oh I'm so tired", but more like a "you're the best bed I've ever had in my life and my pillows are my new best friends!" Yeah it sounds bad but if you are or have been pregnant I'm guessing you know exactly where I'm coming from... Unfortunately waking up at 3 am with killer heartburn was not part of the plan...

This week is another crazy work week, it's part two of the back to school rush. Tomorrow's menu includes:

Beef and Barley Soup
Pan-seared Filet Mignon
with Roasted Asparagus
Lemon Sole Picatta
with Oven Baked Potato Wedges
Grilled Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo
Creamy Tuna Salad
Chicken Salad
Beef Soft Tacos
Honey Baked Ham
with Sauteed Green beans

After work I'm heading to Nia and then taking it easy before a huge cook day for clients in Fort Worth on Wednesday. I am getting a little bit nervous about working so much while in the last half of this pregnancy but I guess I'm just going to take it one day at a time and see how it goes...

I'm going to make myself fall back asleep, hopefully...

xoxo chef a

When A Craving Goes Bad!

On the IPOD "Please Speak Well Of Me" By: The Weepies

So yesterday I was watching a little "Everybody loves Raymond" and in walks Marie with a two layer cross cake...well that got me thinking about a two layer white cake with buttercream frosting for dinner and to tell you the truth the one I wanted was the said cross cake. Unfortunately a Jewish girl doesn't really know where to by a cross cake! So let's just say it ended with me driving to the store and buying a white cake with buttercream frosting and eating it with a plastic fork from the deli in the store parking lot. (And yes I wish I'd worn my "I'm Pregnant" t-shirt so that I didn't feel so bad walking out of the store with a cake and a plastic fork!) My thought was that I would buy just one piece so that I could take care of the craving and then I wouldn't have any leftovers but as you can see from the picture above the smallest one they had was a single layer 8x8 and yes I did bring it home and yes I just recently took a couple more bites. So yes that is two days worth of cake eating... (Notice the scraped off icing that I thought was saving me some calories!)

Although I don't want to make this a habit... So far weight gain has not been an issue, I actually lost weight over the weekend which nobody is really thrilled about. I think it is due to the fact that I just keep getting sick for one, second is that I'm really trying to eat every two hours which I'm starting to think really could help me lose weight after the pregnancy and that maybe at 5 months pregnant I just don't have the room to consume enough calories to gain weight. I'm not complaining, although I do feel like at some point I'm sure it will catch up with me. Besides the cake other current favorites are watered down apple juice with lots and lots of crushed ice and thin spaghetti with turkey meatballs and arrabbiata sauce.

Work has been good and bad this week. I love being extra busy but the baby doesn't love it so much... The baby is ready for a nap at 2 in the afternoon and lately that's been impossible. With school starting and everybody getting back into the swing of things...and my need to please everyone...Baby and I have been working 12 hour days everyday this week and we are so ready for the weekend!

So I hope my honest portrayal of a pregnancy craving gone bad at least made you laugh because when I was sitting in the car in the grocery store parking lot with an entire cake on my lap and a black plastic fork, I even started to laugh!

xoxo chef a

The Calm Before The Storm

On the IPOD "Lift Me Up" By: Christina Aguilera

Well I just got home from Austin, we stayed with my brother Andrew, at his new house which is awesome and had a really nice time. I have to say that the news from Friday was a tad bit shocking especially since it was a last minute decision to go in to get a special sonogram to check the babies organs on our way out of town. I had scheduled the visit a long time ago before I knew that I was going to get a sono at my doctors last week... When I got there the baby was not cooperating and I was going from side to side just to see if we could get a glimpse. The tech finally saw what she thought are boy parts but could not give me a definite answer just saying that if I were to ask her she would say a boy. I think I left more confused than anything else. It really took me the weekend to wrap my brain around calling him a he instead of a she. Sunday night my doctor looked at the sonogram and told me that he felt it was a tad bit inconclusive since I came in so early at 18 weeks 6 days and that he really wanted to scan me again in two weeks to make sure that what they saw wasn't a shadow since the baby had his knees locked... I'm going with a boy though, it is what I have felt from the beginning and it just feels right, but I guess this is what I get for being in such a rush to find out and for trying to control the situation!

Of course we are thrilled either way and although little girls are really fun to dress there is nothing like a sweet little boy especially the only little boy in an Italian family that will carry on the family name! For everything that we have been through to get here I'm just over the moon that it is a healthy baby!

Austin was great with the exception of Sunday morning when I had a bout with the morning sickness fairy. Who knows why, I haven't been sick in a couple of weeks but obviously something didn't agree with me and I was extremely tired and hot... We headed home soon after that and I took a much needed nap the whole way home.

This week is insane, everybody is home from vacation and all the kids are starting school which means that my days of hanging out in the afternoons are over for the most part. Before I know it there will be holiday music in all of the stores and parties on every weekend. I have to admit that I love it though... I love being busy and it is actually easier for me to focus on work when I have more of it, if you know what I mean!

Thank you all for your sweet calls, emails, and messages about the boy news. We are really excited either way and although lots of you commented on twins...let's not get ahead of ourselves! I will let you know when I know or maybe it will just be a surprise in January, I guess I will just have to let the control go for awhile and just enjoy the fact that there is a tiny miracle growing inside of me.

xoxo chef a

Surprise Surprise

So I don't even have time to look for a song to list but I have some news....

I should've listened to my dad...never get news on Friday the 13th!

I went back in today for my 20th week sonogram and low and behold there was a penis and testicles.

We are having a BOY!

I think my jaw hit the floor when they told me but we are thrilled!

The baby looks healthy and perfect in every way!

And the name hunt starts all over again...

xoxo chef a

Credit Cards and Mommy Friends

On the IPOD "Straighten Up And Fly Right" By: Natalie Cole

Yesterday could have possibly been the worst day...it really started the night before.

On Monday we went to Buy Buy Baby to pick up the stroller I decided on and I was thrilled when I took it out of the box and took it for a spin, but then when it came to closing it up and then unloading it at my house let's just say it was a shame nobody was filming me. There were wheels going in every direction and handles hitting the floor and after a really frustrating walk into the building I was ready to take the stroller back. So I had a tiny emotional breakdown and then went to bed.

I knew going into Tuesday that it was going to be a hard day... I had two clients with extremely big menus and one of them has possibly the hardest kitchen floor ever invented! When I got to the first grocery store I rushed through to pick up all the items I needed only to find at the checkout line that I had lost my credit card... Luckily I had a check book, but it didn't take care of that sinking feeling of not having the card. As soon as I left the store I started calling Mike and my Mom to search for the card, Of course nobody could find it. I spent a good solid hour calling every store I had been to the day before, but didn't have any luck. By 9 am the card was cancelled and they were over nighting me a new one...

The first house I cooked at had 6 kids and 3 nannies in total playing within 20 feet of the kitchen. Between lunch and literally 8 snack times I have to admit that I questioned my ability to handle motherhood at least twice. By two o'clock my feet looked more like little sausages and less like feet... But I kept on to the next house... By 5:30 pm I was just wrapping everything up... It could not have been a longer day.

After realizing that there was no way I was going to make it to Nia, I decided to call my friend Lauren to see if I could bring the new stroller by to get her opinion... If there is anything I have learned from this experience it is that you should keep a mommy friend in your back pocket at all times... She showed me all kinds of good things about it that I couldn't even see because I was so overwhelmed with the mechanics. By the time I left I felt confident that the stroller was indeed for me. I think in general all strollers have their issues and with use most of them are fine it just might take a little time to get adjusted to them... Now I'm super excited about my stroller and I cant wait to get to use it!

Anyways to make a long story a little shorter...I ended up finding the card although it was useless since I had cancelled it... Oh well at least some creep doesn't have it. I had a feeling I would find it but you just can't take any chances. Oh well, thank goodness today is a new day!

xoxo chef a

What's in a name?

On the IPOD "More Than A Feeling" By: Boston

So Mike and I have been putting off the name game until after we found out the sex...not that names were not discussed but there was no pressure. Now, there is a tad bit of pressure... I'm pretty sure we have narrowed it down, but then again I could be wrong. Mike could possibly be at his breaking point where he just says, "Whatever you want..." but that's just not as fun... I am starting to understand the whole philosophy of not telling anyone because as much as I love everyone around me...it is hard enough for Mike and I to agree let alone both of us and the rest of the world... I think when most people tell you the names they are thinking about what they want to hear is, "Oh I love it...It's beautiful!" All I can say is that we are doing our best to pick a name that is not too different but different enough...whatever that means!

We finally bought our changing table... it is the only piece of furniture that we bought from a real store and not from craig's list and I have to say that it is very disappointing that we have to wait 8-12 weeks for it, but once we do get it I will post some pics of the baby's room. I am in the process of starting to register is there any must have baby products??? I would love to hear from you about anything from swaddling blankets to swings...

As far as my weight is going...I feel really good I didn't weigh at the doctor on Friday, but by the home scale I think I've gained about 3 pounds so far. I'm finding out that so far this is the hardest part for me eating wise. Mainly because most of the time I've starving and protein in general is still really hard for me to eat which leaves most of the bad stuff... I finding out that I really have to do a better job of eating small meals and not waiting till I want to eat my hand off!

Well today is that last shorter Monday of work before school starts for most of the families I work for. I'm most likely going to enjoy the last half of the day by the pool... and think about names of course!

And again please help me with baby products... What do I need???

xoxo chef a

Drumroll Please....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It's a GIRL!

No name yet but we are working on it...

Just wanted to let you all know!

xoxo chef a

Baby Gear Drama

On the IPOD "Sundrenched World" By: Joshua Radin

For those of you who have never been pregnant, I feel like the best way to describe it is to say that every feeling is to the extreme. It is sort of like your body is on strike! I actually don't understand girls who don't know that they are pregnant...I'm even going to say that they must be in denial because I don't think it is possible not to know!

Tuesday morning was like any other day... I woke up and got ready, ate an apple with some peanut butter and then headed for the grocery store. For some reason on the way there I started to have a weird craving for enchiladas, but I pushed it away and kept on shopping. After the third store I was on my way to my clients. At the first stop light I realized that I was starving, and not just any kind of starving but baby starving which by the way is completely different than regular hunger...I actually caught myself about to rip open a package of whole wheat hamburger buns until I gave it a second thought and realized I would much rather spend the calories on the string cheese that was with the cold food in the way back of the car.... So yes you guessed it...I jumped out of the car, ran to the back, opened up the cooler and grabbed the freaking cheese. I'm sure the car behind me was less than thrilled but I was back in before the light even changed so they can just chill out. Never get between a pregnant girl and a hungry baby!

The rest of the day went smoothly until I decided to take yet another trip to the baby store, this time I was by myself. I think it was worse... Have you ever had an anxiety attack over a breast pump or a swing? Well if not then you have not been pregnant in the 21st century, because let me assure you there are just two many choices... I mean do you know what it is like to have your husband ask you, "Are you really sure a hands free breast pump is made for your size boobs???" After my silent response I got a, "Well I mean that in a good way..." Anyways although he is so sweet to pick out the swings, bouncy seats and stollers he likes online to give me direction...I feel like when I'm in the store they are all different and huge and it sort of feels like I'm making a life or death decision, which with all of the recalls lately I am! We tried to go to the store together once but I think it just made me more overwhelmed.

I hope that all of this at least makes you laugh... The best decision I made was yesterday afternoon when I was with my mom and my aunt and we had about an hour of free time and I asked if they were interested to go into buy buy baby and check it out. They both were totally on board...My mom had been once before but for my aunt it was all new. I think she was pretty shocked by all the choices, but for her it was just pure excitement which I have to say changed the vibe of the experience... I actually picked out a stoller and carseat which by the way was in a completely different direction than where I was orignally going, but it has in a way changed my whole outlook and I have been able to really focus on what I want and was finally able to be excited about it instead of being scared... which is a feat in itself.

xoxo chef a

Hot Hot Hot

On the IPOD "Like a Star(Live)" By: Corinne Bailey Rae

It is so Hot! To tell you the truth it is difficult to go the grocery store and to cook in this heat. The air-conditioning in the car can not even keep up...I find myself hitting the button a million times to make it cooler and it just won't move. To those of you reading this who are 8 or 9 months preggers...I don't know how you are doing it!

My menu for today:

Summer Chopped Salad
Truffled Mac and Cheese
Shrimp Quesadillas with Fresh Pico de Gallo and Guacamole
Creamy Chicken Spaghetti
Peppered Beef Sliders
Fiesta Lime Chicken with Mexican Salad
Beef and Barley Soup

While writing this I'm trying to ignore the fact that my allergies are out of control... isn't is too hot for things to grow???

Anyways I scheduled my next sonogram and I've decided that I'm not going to leave the doctor's office until I know what I'm having...My friend Jessica thinks this is hysterical by the way... She says she would never find out what she is having and she just thinks it's soooo funny that I want to know so badly but that my child won't cooperate.

How do people think that this guessing game is fun???? Just tell me already!

xoxo chef a

And then there were two of us

On the IPOD "Turn on the Radio" By: Reba McEntire



I have reached the point where I finally feel like there is someone else with me all of the time. What works for me is no longer what's important... my diet has turned into what works for you know who, because it really only takes that first night when you have downed a half a bottle of tums and you still feel like your chest is going to explode before you realize that whatever it was is just not worth it!

I have gained about a pound so far which my doctor seems pleased about. Although that is less than most at this stage it makes sense for me since I went into pregnancy still overweight. I'm still fighting with my normal response to stress which includes heading to the closest processed food available... While shopping at Buy Buy Baby yesterday I suddenly felt a tad bit overwhelmed and tore open a box of100 calorie bags of M&Ms devouring 2 bags within 15 minutes. Oddly enough it did make me feel better!

Lately my cravings have included broccoli salad, spaghetti and turkey meatballs with arrabbiata sauce, fruit of all kinds, and I keep having dreams about eating some amazing piece of cake but when I try to nail down the flavor I'm hoping for my mind just goes blank so I guess I will just have to keep dreaming about it...

The other weird thing is that the baby is now able to hear our voices and music so I definitely think more about the music I play in the car. You all know how important music is to me and was to my dad so I feel like it is my duty to expose this kid to the best of the best at the very youngest age. I also make Mike talk to my stomach because since he is at work so much I want the baby to get to know his voice as often as possible. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy...

And now on Saturday morning I'm watching "Raise Your Voice" in tears (gotta love hormones) before I head to my redo birthday Nia Class (power went out last week.) I'm really looking forward to getting back into the swing of Nia and working out in general, I have really been missing it. I never thought it would be such a challenge to get my body ready to work out again but 3 months of throwing up can really take a toll.

Broccoli Salad Recipe (This recipe is not low fat but it's southern and really good and you can add extra veggies and substitute light mayo to make it a better choice)

•5 cups fresh broccoli florets
•1/2 cup craisins
•1/2 cup sunflower seeds
•1/2 cup cooked, crumbled bacon (Optional, don't use if you want it to be lower calorie)
•1/4 cup of red onion, chopped
•Dressing:
•1 cup mayonnaise (you can easily use light mayo and use a tad less sugar)
•2 tablespoons vinegar
•1/2 cup sugar
Preparation:
Combine broccoli florets, craisins, sunflower seeds, crumbled bacon, chopped onion in a large serving bowl. In a separate bowl or large cup, whisk together mayonnaise, vinegar and sugar. Add dressing to the salad and toss to mix well; chill thoroughly before serving.
I sometimes add cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, carrot slices, and/or celery

xoxo chef a