On the IPOD "Hey, Soul Sister" by: Train
I so wish I could have posted this yesterday but unfortunately my computer and I were in a fight!!!
Does making choices give you power?
Today in Nia class, Jule, the instructor, had us focus on making our own choices. She then discussed with us a little bit about how the freedom of choice can give a person power. At first I have to say that I felt a tad uncomfortable...The pleaser in me even thought hummm I wonder what choices I am supposed to make. I thought about what she said all day, "Are the choices I am making giving me power?"
Everyday I am forced to consciously make a choice to stay on track ... to eat right, to work out, to focus on the betterment of my life! Sometimes it feels selfish since it is so completely not in my nature to put myself first. But I am trying to truly get to the core of who I am and to realize that every second of every day I GET to make choices that deeply effect my life.
I always say that the best thing my parents ever did for me when I was growing up was that they let me switch schools four times. It was a blessing because I was able to reinvent myself each time. Now I probably could have taken more advantage of the situation and I don't think that at the time I was really trying to find my true self. I think I was just trying to play the part, but I was young. It did teach me that it was ok to change myself though.
For the last 20 years I have lived as a "fat girl" I have made many choices in my life to try and cover up my insecurities. I have even spent way too much time trying to fit into other people's molds all on the path to feel some kind of acceptance. But in truth it just screwed me up more. I found comfort in food which in turn made me feel like I was choosing to be a "fat girl." But I'm done with it, I'm not choosing it anymore!
In the last almost 7 months I have learned how to make good choices, not based on what someone else wants or needs, but I make them based on what I want. I didn't even notice until today that it gives me power...
Just three days ago my aunt said to me..."you even walk different now, like a dancer!" When she said it I thought to myself I know dancing can change your posture but is that really what has changed the way I carry myself?? I do think that I stand up straighter and I breath better and that is in direct correlation with dance classes but I think it is so much more than that...
I think I'm proud of myself... I think I like the choices I'm making and I think I'm even starting to respect myself...
xoxo chef a
p.s. Tonight I will be posting recipes trying to catch up from the computer issue yesterday!