Happy?

On the IPOD "Thank You" by: Dido

On Wednesday night I had sent a request to my Nia instructor, Jule, asking her to do any routine in class that possibly had a little Ingrid Michaelson music in it. Ingrid's music makes me happy, even the sad songs... So Thursday night came along and Jule started off class asking everyone what they hoped to get from class. The responses varied from joy, community, stress relief, sweat... And then Jule asked me, "Amanda, what are you hoping to get from this class?" And I said, "Happiness" Her response, "why happiness?" I admit the question caught me a little off guard. "Because I want to feel happy after all the stresses of the day."

Not exactly a great answer but it felt more comfortable to say that in front of a room full a people. I guess I didn't feel that it was an appropriate time to have a mini breakdown... Let me explain; I am happy! I love my husband and my family. I love my job on most days, even though it is terribly difficult to make everyone happy and I wish everyone could grasp the idea of text messaging!

But I'm over this body... It feels like it is constantly working against me! Every single day it is a struggle...what am I going to eat? How much am I going to work out? Why haven't I lost a pound in the last two day? Why do I have to take this stupid medicine that makes my cheeks bright red and gives me hot flashes? Why do I have to work twice as hard to lose weight? I'm so freaking annoyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also annoyed at the news! What happened to reporters telling people the NEWS and not their agenda of the news... And why when watching the news, do I have to see 85 million commercials about "nutri system", "jenny craig", and every freakin weight loss surgery center in the area!!! I'M OVER IT!

So should I have said that in class?? What about the fact that it pisses me off that I can't seem to sit with me knees in front of me, hugging them, because my fat doesn't fold that way!!! And yes I know that there are other ways to stretch and modifications, but it doesn't make me more comfortable with the fact that I can't do it!

AS YOU ARE MY WITNESS I BETTER LOSE A FREAKIN POUND TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Menu for today:

Salad
Veggie Sticks
Dijon Mustard Vinaigrette
Black Bean Sour Cream Enchiladas (I'm sorry Amy I promise to send recipe!!!)
4 cheese Truffled Mac and Cheese
Special "Caroline" Tuna Salad
Barbecued Baby Back Ribs
Chicken Fajitas with Fresh Pico De Gallo
Mozzarella Heirloom Tomato Salad with a Balsamic Reduction

xoxo chef a