Friday, February 12, 2010

Broken Hearts

On the IPOD "You Make Me Wanna..." by: Usher and "Only Love" by: Wynonna Judd

On Thursday night while Dallas was getting buried underneath 12.5 inches of snow ( I know I know easterners 12.5 inches seems like nothing to you, but in all fairness we don't own snow plows!) I was trying to make a healthy version of some sort of chocolate cookie.... Lets just say it didn't end well...My mom said they tasted like passover cookies (For those of you who don't know Passover is a Jewish holiday where you can't eat leavened bread, meaning that baked goods are pretty much not great!) By the way this is the exact reason baking is not my thing...I mean don't get me wrong I can make a killer cake, cupcake, creme brulee, chocolate mousse, and even cookie as long as it is full of fat, sugar and every thing good!! Oh well I threw out the chocolate cookies and made a batch of the vegan cookies from last week lowered the oil to 1/3 cup and instead of cherries I added chocolate chips. They were to die for!!!

So I wanted to take a minute before Valentine's Day to discuss of all things getting your heart broken....

When I was in preschool I thought I was in love with a little boy named Tommy L. He took me on a date to Wendy's and kissed me on the cheek on the playground. I really thought he was the one until I found out that he also was taking my friend Missy to Wendy's! At the time I thought my heart was broken...Oh I had so much to learn...

I can honestly say that in my short 31 year love life I have had my share of broken hearts... I was always the best friend and never the love. I was great at putting myself in the position to be used, I think at times I prided myself in it! When I was younger I fell hard and fast for pretty much any guy who gave me a chance... I even continued to talk to a boy who once told me that he could've seen himself falling in love with me if I had just been skinny... Obviously I was into self abuse! I did my share of abusing others as well... I'm actually very lucky that I was forgiven by my own husband for some bad decisions and hurtful remarks...not to say that he has been perfect either ;). But thankfully by all accounts Mike and I have worked very hard at working through all the hurt feelings of the past and that is probably the very reason that everything is sooo good now!

Unfortunately the hurt feelings and broken hearts that happened in my younger years were never really dealt with on an adult level so the feelings lie there and wait for just the right moment to shake me up. It is actually quite amazing how long a hurtful remark that was said to you by someone you "loved" effects your life... Unfortunately somewhere down the line we all learn how to give the power of our self worth to the people around us instead of creating it ourselves. Some people are lucky to get the power back before they get married others like me are sort of a work in progress...

I had a friend tell me a couple of weeks ago that they needed to talk to an ex so that they could get closure...Is there such a thing as having closure for a broken heart or is the only way to really cure a broken heart to find someone who wants to put it back together? I wish the closure came from something someone else was going to tell me, but I personally believe that closure comes from your own heart... At a certain point it just hits you that it is time to let it never really completely goes or not that I have tends to leave just a little bit of a scar.

xoxo chef a

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