Sunday, November 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Mike!!

On the IPOD "Be Be Your Love" by: Rachael Yamagata

So I had to take some time off because of the holiday weekend (Thanksgiving and Mike's Birthday), but now I'm back. Not only back on track with the blog but also totally back on track with food. I mean I'll be honest I did eat whatever I wanted this weekend but not nearly the amount I have eaten in the past. I will give you an example, every year for as long as I can remember I have always had a piece of pumpkin pie the morning after thanksgiving and I always eat it with a sterling silver cocktail fork from the set of silver my mom has. For those of you who don't know me I love silver and china and glasses and crystal and all things pretty and nice. I don't only love the silver cocktail fork for it's beauty but also for the fact that it's miniature and although I am not miniature, i love miniature things. Anyways this year I didn't eat the pie, I don't really know if I didn't want it because I just don't seem to care about eating food as much or the more likely reason that it was a tradition I had with my dad and now that he is not here it just doesn't feel the same...

I do have to say that Mike's whole family joined ours for Thanksgiving this year and it went remarkably well (our families thank get along, thank goodness), but I did get very sad in the middle of dinner because I thought to myself what a shame it was that Mike's father wasn't able to really know my father. Even though Mike and I have dated for almost 12 years, we never really mixed families until after my father passed away...Mike's family really only knew my dad from what Mike told them and from what they heard the Rabbi say at the funeral. Mike was extremely close to my dad...he drove him to and from almost every radiation treatment, worked with him, and spent countless hours just hanging out with him. There was never a doubt in my mind that my father completely loved and approved of Mike. My therapist told me a long time ago that when you lose someone it is a lump. When they first die the lump is right in your throat, as time goes by it moves sometimes it is in your heart, sometimes in your stomach and sometimes it ever rest sort of comfortably in your foot. But on certain days it goes right back to your throat again.

This weekend it has been in my throat...I miss him! It does not seem like it has been even close to two years. It makes my heartbreak that Mike's parents will never get to meet the man that their son cared for enough to spend his time with. As much as my father made my life a living hell sometimes. As judgemental and hurtful as he was, that hurt does not even compare to the hurt there is of not having him here. So I have to admit that my sadness made it a little harder to put down the fork, ok a lot harder...

Other than that, today is my wonderful husband's birthday, oh and my Aunt Leen's birthday and one of my best friend Tiffany's birthday! It's is a very special day! We worked on the new place a little and then my aunt and uncle and Mike's sister and our nieces came to see the new place. Everybody loved it, our nieces loved it even more because it is within walking distance to the American Girl Store (which we did take a little detour to...) Then we went to a small birthday dinner where I only ate half of my food and brought the rest home...hey these are all little steps but they do truly change your life or they have changed mine. Now I am going to go and spend the rest of the evening with the most wonderful husband in the world!! I know I'm extremely mushy...its least we don't believe in p.d.a.!!

xoxo chef a

No comments: