On the IPOD "Ghost" by: Indigo Girls
So this fertility stuff is getting quite humorous. I went to the doctor Friday morning to get a trigger shot, not knowing that there was going to be a firm time table on when we had to "do laundry". When the doctor and I realized that the time table didn't work he explained to me that I could just give it to myself and the nurse went ahead and taught me how. I'm pretty sure that during the lesson I completely tuned her out and was just focusing on the prospect of putting a needle into my own skin... So I left the office knowing that I needed to find a way to get this shot in the next 4 hours. I called anyone who I thought might be able to do it and timing wise nothing worked. I finally had a last minute thought to call my vet. Yes you read correctly I actually called the vet to see if by any chance they would give me a fertility shot. You know you've hit rock bottom when you are getting shots at the vet :) . They were totally on board no problem at all thank goodness. I just wish I had a picture of me bending over right next to the dog scale!!!
Hey I went away thinking that if by chance I actually do get preggers at least I will have a really good story to tell my child about how much we wanted him/her.
To be honest the shot sucks, I feel slightly (lol) emotional and I'm surrounded by family, which leads to a fun mix to say the least!!! "May the force be with me!!!" Anyways I made an amazing dinner last night:
Chopped salad with cajun grilled shrimp and bloody mary sauce
Lemon Butter Grilled Mahi-Mahi
Smashed Potatoes
Oven roasted Asparagus
Yum so good!!
And now Im heading off for a run... to work off that lemon butter sauce!! Ill check back in later...
xoxo chef a
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility. Show all posts
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Checked Out
On the IPOD "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
What does the idea of NO MORE DRAMA mean? I think that in general we as a society have mixed feelings about it... On one hand we really don't want to be involved and on the other we just can't seem to look away.
It has been brought to my attention that I'm an easy target for drama. It probably stems from the fact that I'm a pleaser... I allow myself to be right in the thick of it... And I can't anymore!
When I wake up in the morning I have to make a conscience effort to pick myself. I'm so used to spending my time "working" on all of my friends that I can honestly say it is painful at times when the phone rings and I know that I shouldn't pick it up.
Yesterday morning I had a visit with the OB/Gyn. The nurse calmly sat me down in the waiting room and said, "I feel your tenseness, the stress needs to stop if you want to get pregnant." Ha! easy for her to say...trying to get pregnant is like waiting for water to boil. You want it to happen so quickly so you just sit there watching it, like somehow that is going to speed it up. Unfortunately the more she spoke with me the more I realized that she was not talking as much about my stress over the pregnancy, it was more about the outside stress that she could see permeating through my brain. Who knew I was so transparent??
I guess I'm a slow learner because it is just now hitting me that sometimes you just have to sit back and watch the drama pass you by...you can't help the ones drowning in it without drowning yourself. And it is extremely difficult to watch!
My friend Lisa and I have created a code word...whenever we are being engaged by the drama, instead to picking up the phone or sending a unnecessary text to the drama devils, we just simply text each other the word, vagina! I mean in general it's pretty hard to not laugh when you see the word (or derivatives of the word) pop up on your phone. I guess it's our simple cry for help...
I completely checked out yesterday...I needed a day to feel the frustrations of infertility. I needed to cry and mope and really give myself an opportunity to grieve over the fact that I'm not one of those girls that can just think about having a baby and then all of the sudden be pregnant (BTW I have thought I was this girl my whole life, like a Fertile Mertle) This infertility stuff is like a bad dream!
I ended my day with a chef meeting at a place called "Chocolate Secrets". They have the most beautiful delicious french chocolates. And it is true, chocolate just makes you feel better!!
I do have one exciting bit of news... I was shocked to get on the scale last night and see that I have lost 7.5 pounds in the last 10 days. WHOO HOO!!!
xoxo chef a
What does the idea of NO MORE DRAMA mean? I think that in general we as a society have mixed feelings about it... On one hand we really don't want to be involved and on the other we just can't seem to look away.
It has been brought to my attention that I'm an easy target for drama. It probably stems from the fact that I'm a pleaser... I allow myself to be right in the thick of it... And I can't anymore!
When I wake up in the morning I have to make a conscience effort to pick myself. I'm so used to spending my time "working" on all of my friends that I can honestly say it is painful at times when the phone rings and I know that I shouldn't pick it up.
Yesterday morning I had a visit with the OB/Gyn. The nurse calmly sat me down in the waiting room and said, "I feel your tenseness, the stress needs to stop if you want to get pregnant." Ha! easy for her to say...trying to get pregnant is like waiting for water to boil. You want it to happen so quickly so you just sit there watching it, like somehow that is going to speed it up. Unfortunately the more she spoke with me the more I realized that she was not talking as much about my stress over the pregnancy, it was more about the outside stress that she could see permeating through my brain. Who knew I was so transparent??
I guess I'm a slow learner because it is just now hitting me that sometimes you just have to sit back and watch the drama pass you by...you can't help the ones drowning in it without drowning yourself. And it is extremely difficult to watch!
My friend Lisa and I have created a code word...whenever we are being engaged by the drama, instead to picking up the phone or sending a unnecessary text to the drama devils, we just simply text each other the word, vagina! I mean in general it's pretty hard to not laugh when you see the word (or derivatives of the word) pop up on your phone. I guess it's our simple cry for help...
I completely checked out yesterday...I needed a day to feel the frustrations of infertility. I needed to cry and mope and really give myself an opportunity to grieve over the fact that I'm not one of those girls that can just think about having a baby and then all of the sudden be pregnant (BTW I have thought I was this girl my whole life, like a Fertile Mertle) This infertility stuff is like a bad dream!
I ended my day with a chef meeting at a place called "Chocolate Secrets". They have the most beautiful delicious french chocolates. And it is true, chocolate just makes you feel better!!
I do have one exciting bit of news... I was shocked to get on the scale last night and see that I have lost 7.5 pounds in the last 10 days. WHOO HOO!!!
xoxo chef a
Friday, April 16, 2010
Blame it on the Clomid...
On the IPOD "Crazy Bitch" by: Buckcherry
Have you ever had an out of body experience??? Well I can honestly say today I did!
Background story but not an excuse... I have not been feeling great...Infertility drugs are definitely wreaking havoc on my stomach, upside is I can't eat (lol) downside makes me a "tad" irritable. So much so that I cancelled my client Friday morning because I knew I had a big dinner party last night. And I just needed some time... I also don't normally discuss client issues but to tell you the truth I need to vent!
I would say that in general I'm pretty even tempered at work, but I have my moments... I do like things done a certain way but usually I'm pretty calm about it. Friday was different! This dinner party has been planned for months...the menu was agreed too as well as the price but about 2 days ago I was called and asked to add some things. I explained that adding the items would change the price and that I would send her the invoice asap. Yesterday I got a call from her pretty much screaming at me telling me that she hired me because she thought I would be cheaper than another caterer (One I actually know!), but now we were the same price! She went on to say that because I don't have as much overhead as him then my prices should be cheaper! Note to client: not a good idea to tell Amanda how to run her business when you have no idea what her business costs are and especially when they just raised her dose of clomid.
Well let's just say this rubbed me the wrong way... And I lost it! As my friend Jessica would say, I completely fell off my rocker! Just to be clear I am not in the business to be cheap! When you hire a large caterer you are paying some 20 year old kid who has no training and is making minimum wage to make your cheap food. When you hire me I do all the work myself with minimal help. I shop at local stores and buy the best ingredients I can. And guess what...my food is way better! It is like the difference of going to a real doctor and going to the nurses office at a high school. Come to find out later in the night that the real reason I was hired over the other caterer is that I can make one of her mom's recipes and "blah blah catering company" can't do it (they have tried and failed!) My real issue is that if you have a problem with the price just call me and we will figure it out. I am in no mood to be talked down to!
It took everything I had to pull it together before the party started but I did... Funny thing is that all I heard all night was how amazing the food was. There was even a man there who used to be a caterer in the Dallas area but has since moved and his remarks were simple, "Your food and service were magnificent. How do you do it all by yourself? It's really amazing!" That comment right there definitely made the night more worth it! I have worked way too hard in my career to be referred to as the cheap one!!!! Thank you very much!
xoxo chef a
Have you ever had an out of body experience??? Well I can honestly say today I did!
Background story but not an excuse... I have not been feeling great...Infertility drugs are definitely wreaking havoc on my stomach, upside is I can't eat (lol) downside makes me a "tad" irritable. So much so that I cancelled my client Friday morning because I knew I had a big dinner party last night. And I just needed some time... I also don't normally discuss client issues but to tell you the truth I need to vent!
I would say that in general I'm pretty even tempered at work, but I have my moments... I do like things done a certain way but usually I'm pretty calm about it. Friday was different! This dinner party has been planned for months...the menu was agreed too as well as the price but about 2 days ago I was called and asked to add some things. I explained that adding the items would change the price and that I would send her the invoice asap. Yesterday I got a call from her pretty much screaming at me telling me that she hired me because she thought I would be cheaper than another caterer (One I actually know!), but now we were the same price! She went on to say that because I don't have as much overhead as him then my prices should be cheaper! Note to client: not a good idea to tell Amanda how to run her business when you have no idea what her business costs are and especially when they just raised her dose of clomid.
Well let's just say this rubbed me the wrong way... And I lost it! As my friend Jessica would say, I completely fell off my rocker! Just to be clear I am not in the business to be cheap! When you hire a large caterer you are paying some 20 year old kid who has no training and is making minimum wage to make your cheap food. When you hire me I do all the work myself with minimal help. I shop at local stores and buy the best ingredients I can. And guess what...my food is way better! It is like the difference of going to a real doctor and going to the nurses office at a high school. Come to find out later in the night that the real reason I was hired over the other caterer is that I can make one of her mom's recipes and "blah blah catering company" can't do it (they have tried and failed!) My real issue is that if you have a problem with the price just call me and we will figure it out. I am in no mood to be talked down to!
It took everything I had to pull it together before the party started but I did... Funny thing is that all I heard all night was how amazing the food was. There was even a man there who used to be a caterer in the Dallas area but has since moved and his remarks were simple, "Your food and service were magnificent. How do you do it all by yourself? It's really amazing!" That comment right there definitely made the night more worth it! I have worked way too hard in my career to be referred to as the cheap one!!!! Thank you very much!
xoxo chef a
Friday, March 12, 2010
Baby fears
On the IPOD "All the Pretty Little Ponies" by: Kenny Loggins
I've been extremely productive today...I spent half of the day cooking and the other half doing office work...its pretty amazing considering that on a normal day I would find anything else in the world to do rather than using the other side of my brain...
I have kind of a cool annoucement...You can now find my blog at Chef-Amanda.com ! You can still find it however you are now, but it's just an easier address to tell your friends how to find it :)
So on to the serious stuff...
You would laugh if you knew how many sentences I have written on this post and then erased, it is actually becoming quite entertaining... Ok here it goes no erasing....
Deep breath.... So I have been on meds to gets preggers for 3 months...And it has always been the plan that we would try this for three months and then add on a little Clomid (another baby drug) and try that for a couple of months. But when discussing it with my doctor, I kind of spewed out, "Well maybe we should just wait until I've lost more weight!" His responce was, "no, no you'll do fine. I really only want you to gain about 15 pounds during a pregnancy so the eating plan you are on now is actually ideal." I said ok...
It wasn't until later that night that I really felt my heart pounding in my chest and realized that I was having a mini panic attack about this decision... I'll tell you why...
Don't get me wrong I want a baby, I've always wanted to be a mom, Mike and I both have always wanted 3 and I am almost 32, so you do the math. But I'm completely freaking out... For starters I'm just kind of getting used to this body. I'm actually not completely disappointed when I look in the mirror. I also don't want to give up dancing...I look forward to it and I can't imagine not being able to do it even for a couple months. The idea of feeling sick and tired and still working on not using food for comfort is completely frightening. I just don't want to feel like I'm giving up... Then it hits me maybe all these feelings are just covering up the fact that I have fears of miscarring again. With the amount of nausea I'm feeling right now you would think I'm already preggers. Oh wait, thats what happens when you actually dealing with your feelings....
Then I start to feel selfish, this was always the plan...I know I can do this. I still have time, I just need to focus on taking care of myself and if I get pregnant great. When I do, I will add 300 healthy calories to my diet and I will dance until I can't and when I can't anymore Ill still go to class, sit on an exercise ball and dance like I do when I'm driving in the car. I will work everyday, just like I do now, to not use food for comfort and I will not give up! I will try as long as I have to for a healthy viable pregnancy while knowing that I have you and my family and friends to help me through any difficult times.
Alright I got my fears out...I'm sure there are many more in there, but this at least make me feel a little more comfortable that all of you know I'm slightly terrified...
I never would have thought that losing weight would change my feelings about everything....
xoxo chef a
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