Thursday, September 23, 2010

The packed away 12-string

On the IPOD "Danny's Song" By: Kenny Loggins

Lately I have spent an odd amount of time thinking about who my son will be... Wondering what he will be like and what will be important to him. At the same time I have had this need to pick up my guitar again... I think I set it down the day that I decided to leave music school and become a chef. I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to give it up just so that I could start a new journey, but I did.

I'm not going to lie, my heart broke just a little bit that day... I think I really believed that I was supposed to be the next best thing... that some music executive was going to suddenly walk into the coffee shop and find me there... But instead I was busting my butt in a music class with 1500 other kids trying to become the next underpaid music teacher. At the time it was just easier to put the guitar back in its case and push it to the back of the room.

Over the last 10 years, I've picked it up from time to time and maybe even played a little with all of the doors shut... but there hasn't been any public acknowledgement of my entire high school identity... So the question is... why now when fitting a guitar in front of this baby belly is a challenge does it seem so important to pick up where I left off???

Something tells me that maybe this little boy has something to do with it... I have this overwhelming desire to share that part of my life with him...not so that one day he will become what I always thought I wanted to be but just because I don't want to have to tell him one day that his mom used to know how to play the guitar and that she doesn't play anymore because she didn't get the outcome she wanted so she just gave up. Maybe I never learned to play so that I would become the next singer/songwriter. Maybe the whole reason was so that one day when my child was screaming in the middle of the night I could pick it up and soothe him back to sleep. All I know is that I'm tired of starring at it in the case and I'm ready to find out what it means to me now...at this stage of my life.

xoxo chef a

1 comment:

Amy said...

I love it, Amanda! I'm so happy to hear that you want to pick up the guitar again and, whenever you decide to open the door and let others in to hear you play, give me a call and I'll be the first one there! Sending lots of love! Amy