Finding a place

On the iPod, "When the Right One Comes Along" By Sam Palladio

There's something about the sound of the chord progression on a guitar. I can't even really put it into words...the notes go higher and lower and then back again and the sound is so vibrant that you can actually feel the musician's finger tips slide across the frets. For me it's euphoric...

I have been trying to find my place at Levi's school... I haven't really figured it out yet. There are a handful of people I have a connection with... One of which I would even say is sort of magical and will hopefully be a friend for life. But the whole experience makes me think back to high school and I try to imagine how people might remember me and if that is so different from who I am now.

Now I'm a mom and a wife and a chef.  But in the back of the closet in the playroom there sits a guitar that used to define me. I mean my senior pictures were with that guitar. I spent a lot of time with that guitar... writing songs about really important things like love and loss and even possibly a song about smoking pot and saving the world that I sang at the talent show of a highly respected college prep school that will remain unnamed for the time being out of respect for that fine institution... A 12-string Taylor was the epitome of who I was... well really of who I am. In a lot of ways at that time it was a security for me. It set me apart from the pack... And I was oddly comfortable with that. So since I can't walk around with a guitar strapped to me I have to get to a place of being comfortable without a safety net.

One of my friends said that making friends as an adult is like dating... You have specific traits that you look for and you really just aren't interested in the bullshit. You want someone who has your back and is willing to put the time and effort into creating a real, lasting friendship and not just another acquaintance. Because acquaintances are just overrated...  So I will continue to be exactly who I am and I will let in the special ones who get me.  I might never really find my place at any school my kids go to... But instead will continue to have special "go to" people in my life who I respect and who respect me as well. Because it's not really about how many friends you have at this age but more importantly the quality of the friend...

xoxo chef a