The Letter

On the iPod "Forever Young" By: Alphaville

Oh my... I have so much to write... Do you ever have those times when you have about a million ideas/thoughts running through your head but just not enough time to focus on them?  

Well anyways my next post will be about Nia or Sunday supper clubs but tonight I'm writing a blog to a good friend, who happens to be going through something that is near and dear to my heart... Losing a baby...

Dear love-

When I received your text today telling me how sorry you were for not being able to be there for me when I lost the babies like I am for you now it made me sad that you have to know that... Mainly because it is very hard, even sort of impossible, for someone who has never lost a baby to truly understand what it is to lose a baby and I hate that now you know. 

You are dealing with unfortunate comments like... 

"Well you didn't want an unhealthy baby, right?"

"It's G-d's way."

"So next time... Maybe it's best to not tell everyone so early..."

"You got pregnant so fast. It will happen again, at least you know you can get pregnant!"

Blah... blah... blah... 

You lost a baby... You didn't miss carry it... You didn't do anything to make it happen... 

And even if the baby wasn't healthy it really doesn't change the fact that you are heartbroken and if you could just sleep until you are pregnant again you would.  I'm going to guess that your main concern is not deciding when you will tell everyone the next time. And if this is G-d's way then I'm pretty sure you aren't a big fan right now...

You don't need me to tell you that you will survive this because honestly you've seen me do it and deep down you already know you will.  I've been pregnant 5 times and I have two beautiful boys...But I also can still remember every due date... And I can remember everything about the days that the pregnancies ended both the births and the D&Cs. I wish I could tell you that they fade into distant memory but they don't...

You are most likely mad at your body for not being able to perform the way we were always taught it would... You are sort of annoyed that the world is just going on... You will feel like you are staring at every pregnant person and also feel like they think that you are some sort of pregnant imposter... You will meet the odd woman who lost a baby but acts like it was no big deal and she just moved on... She is lying... If not to you, then to herself for sure! You will feel like your friends with babies are hiding from you, even if they are not. And you will undoubtedly feel like you have let the closest people around you down, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. 

So now you are one of us...like it or not.  And you get to be the most amazing friend to the next member. You get to tell her your story. You get to be there for her like not many friends can be. And you will show her how you survived just like she will. 

I hope that you will take the grieving process to heart and embrace every part of it because it is a gift that not everyone takes. I know you know that I am here for you now and forever. 

Love,
 me

xoxo chef a