On the iPod, “River” by: Bishop Briggs
About two months ago, I was in a different place than I am right now. I felt like I was constantly yelling at my kids for just being kids. I was always tired. To be honest, I was pretty much constantly annoyed with everyone in my life and in general was feeling pretty negative about myself. While becoming a mom I had somewhere along the lines forgotten how to be me.
This might be way too much information but I think in general I’ve always had a pretty good self image. I grew up in a house where I feel like sexuality was promoted. It definitely wasn’t the hush hush thing that wasn’t discussed. I might not have been the skinniest girl in my upper teens and early 20s but I took a lot of pride in learning how to take care of business, if you know what I mean, and with that came a lot of confidence. For the record I’m way sexier in my head than I am in real life and that seems to be a chubby girl thing. 😂 But lately I just felt off... I was struggling to feel sexy. There are a lot of things about my marriage that aren’t perfect... shocking right, 😝 but sex has just never been one of them. So when I found myself struggling to be interested in that I knew something was up.
I started to realize that I had in fact lost a connection with my own body. And I had just given up in a lot of ways. For years now my body has turned into a vessel for someone else’s needs. From marriage to pregnancy to nursing to just constantly being pulled and pushed and hung on... 9 times out of 10 someone is fucking touching me. I had slowly built up this wall of separation from myself and it was now affecting everything in my life.
So now that I knew what the issue was I had to really make a choice to change it. I headed back to dance class. At my first class back the instructor said “before we get started find your character, who are you going to be? Do it now...because if you wait it will be too late and it will be much harder to get out of your head.” Not only did those words help me get through the class but they have gone on to help me get back. Monday night at Pound class I found myself worrying less about hitting the right beats and instead the lyrics to the last song hit me so hard that tears started to roll down my cheeks. The balance of life is a struggle for everyone but for those of us who are really in touch with our emotions the balance can feel stifling. A lot has happened in the last couple of months... the blogging, the dancing, the weight loss, the incredible friendships, and well I got my groove back.
In celebration of this MoveStudio and I are inviting you to the studio for a free class of your choosing in the month of March! Simply follow this link and enter the promo code platefullofboys and go find your groove.
Love,
Me
P.S. this song should be your new anthem
2 comments:
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