Life...

On the iPod "When I Go" by: Over The Rhine

I feel like I'm ripping a scab off if that makes sense. I've started this blog post three times about other things but it all just seems a bit too surface or rather guarded and well, that's just not me. So here goes nothing...

I work a lot... Taking care of other people's families... Being a chef is just my everyday title but in truth I am part of these families.  Most of them know me like they would know their best friends... And I know them pretty much the same. I cook their meals, arrange their pantries, help them with computer problems, kid problems, housekeeper problems, nanny problems, family problems and even a couple high school math problems. I have been with most of them for almost 8 years and even as long as 15 years. And I absolutely love what I do...

But I'm not going to lie it is painfully hard sometimes. I started working these hours when I was a baby "20 year old".  I used to be able to party to the wee hours of the morning and still be at the grocery store by 7 AM and not even blink an eye. I don't even know what people do till the wee hours in the morning anymore. Please don't take this the wrong way because I love my boys more than anything in the world and I wouldn't give up being a mom for a million trillion gazillion dollars. But do I miss it...my old life...

Sometimes I feel like a rubber band being pulled in 500 different ways and I think to myself... When am I just going to break?  It seems like I have "to do" lists coming out of my ears.  Mike actually came home last week to find me sitting on the couch with the laptop in a chair (being used as a table, mind you) and he asked what I was doing... When I looked down I realized that I was typing nonsense into the log on screen because the computer had kicked me out since I had been idle for too long. In actuality I had fallen asleep completely sitting up while typing and when mike walked in I must have gotten startled and started typing again half asleep... When I realized what time it was, I literally had a 15 minute conversation in my head about whether or not it was even worth it to go to bed because if I did the baby would surely wake up soon and if I just sucked it up and stayed awake he would for sure sleep through! Just to #^%* with me!  And I know all of you mom likes will say "This too shall pass..." But right now it sucks a little...

So I guess at 11:33 pm on Monday night on September 8th, 2014 exactly 5 years since my very first post on this blog I can honestly say that I miss nia, I miss Thursday night karaoke at Meridian Room, I miss long baths without hot wheels cars driving into the water, I miss going to the bathroom alone, I miss afternoon cocktails at Snookies with my girls, I miss alone time with my husband without the fear of doors flying open or babies crying, and I miss being able to call in "rich" and do nothing for the day...wait never mind that last one was never in my life... I don't really miss my "old life" and more than anything I would miss this life more...well except for the more alone time with my husband part :-)

Goodnight... here's hoping for a little bit of balance in everyone's life...
xoxo chef a