On the IPOD "More Than Words" by: Extreme
I am dedicating this entry to relationships it might be long so please bare with me... First off I want to discuss my relationship with my husband. I have been with Mike for 12 years as of December 15th. I am not going to bore you with the little fights and mistakes that each of us have made over those years because at the end of the day we chose to pick each other so as far as I'm concerned that's all that counts. I wish I could tell you that we like the same shows and music, and that after 12 years we are constantly on the same page. I would also like to say that we never hit below the belt when we fight, that we never go to bed a little angry, and that we constantly listen to each other. But I would be lying to you! The truth is that we struggle to equally split our time between sitcoms, soccer games, wild nights out and relaxing night in. There are great times when we are on the same page but there are others when I don't even know if we are in the same book. We have worked very hard to learn how to fight fair but there are still hurtful slip ups, lots of I'm sorrys, and even the occasional night facing opposite directions. There are times that I catch myself tuning out of the conversation and there are times when I'm talking to him that he looks at me like I speaking in a different language. The reason I am telling you this is because I know that someone is out there reading this blog thinking that there is some man or woman out there who is going to "save" you. Someone who will fit all of the ridiculous criteria that you think you want. Someone who will be completely excepting of all of your faults and who doesn't have any faults of their own. I have received comments on how I'm so lucky that I found a man who accepts me as I am. And I want to be real honest with you... you are right in that I am incredibly lucky to have a supportive husband who has stayed by my side at every weight and who has dealt with all of my self loathing bullshit. But please remember that it took a long time to get where we are today and although I am truly happy everyday we are far from perfect, we are a work in progress.
It has not been until recently that I have noticed how much my weight issues play into our everyday life. I really have always believed that I was strong and fearless and that I was somehow able to not let what others said affect me, but I was wrong instead I took the hurtful things that I felt and buried them deep inside myself and covered them up. And while on the inside I was having severe issues with my weight on the outside I was fighting about what to have for dinner and other pointless arguments that I don't think I even cared about. I am extremely sensitive and it is common for me to analyze a comment Mike makes and turn it into something completely different and most likely much more hurtful than he ever, ever intended. It is not fair to him...it is not fair for me to get mad at him over my own insecurities, but it happens... I would say that 95% of our arguments before we leave the house are really based in the fact that I'm uncomfortable with the way that I look. I don't expect for some of these feelings to ever really go away, but I do think it helps for me to be aware of them and for Mike to be aware of them as well. I think for years I thought that if I was honest with him about my weight issues that he would somehow realize that I was overweight...Funny right like he somehow never noticed! I love my husband and I'm trying to love myself...it is proving to be the hardest battle I have ever fought!
I have to go to work so I'm going to have to continue with more relationships a little bit later...stay tuned
xoxo chef a
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Where are you gonna put that shot!!
On the IPOD "The Heart of Life" by: John Mayer
So I woke up this morning feeling like I couldn't breathe. Unfortunately when you are an asthmatic kid it sort of stays there silently until you get sick and then it's like "Ya so you thought I was gone did ya?" Mike said I pretty much coughed all night, must have been real fun for him... Anyways I don't mess around with it because I know how quickly I can end up in the ER. I managed to squeeze in 2 clients and then I headed in for a 1:30 appt. My doctor has gotten smart over the years...she knows that if she gives me the prescription for a steroid (pretty much the only thing that will get me out of an asthmatic funk) I won't take it because I'm stubborn and I hate the side effects so instead she has started giving me a steroid shot in the office, well actually it was delicately pushed into my left ass cheek. The nurse said, "its a real fun shot, it makes you moody, emotional and hungry"....awesome I can't wait!! After that fun experience I had to go get a chest xray. Let me just take the time to say how much a truly appreciate the medical field for having such wonderful sizes of gowns to put on. My choices were...small and xxxxl (not joking) so I squeezed myself into the small because I was not about to put on the xxxxl. It was awesome!! After that delightful hour I headed to the drugstore to pick up my prescriptions all $360 worth!!!! I better feel like a princess again real quick! The doctor called this evening with news that I do have bronchitis...not surprising... Totally glad I caught it before it turned into pneumonia! So I'm resting at home tonight. My wonderful husband made me a great dinner...
Jalapeno chicken breast with onions and peppers and a mexican salad YUM!!
Goodnight!!
xoxo chef a
So I woke up this morning feeling like I couldn't breathe. Unfortunately when you are an asthmatic kid it sort of stays there silently until you get sick and then it's like "Ya so you thought I was gone did ya?" Mike said I pretty much coughed all night, must have been real fun for him... Anyways I don't mess around with it because I know how quickly I can end up in the ER. I managed to squeeze in 2 clients and then I headed in for a 1:30 appt. My doctor has gotten smart over the years...she knows that if she gives me the prescription for a steroid (pretty much the only thing that will get me out of an asthmatic funk) I won't take it because I'm stubborn and I hate the side effects so instead she has started giving me a steroid shot in the office, well actually it was delicately pushed into my left ass cheek. The nurse said, "its a real fun shot, it makes you moody, emotional and hungry"....awesome I can't wait!! After that fun experience I had to go get a chest xray. Let me just take the time to say how much a truly appreciate the medical field for having such wonderful sizes of gowns to put on. My choices were...small and xxxxl (not joking) so I squeezed myself into the small because I was not about to put on the xxxxl. It was awesome!! After that delightful hour I headed to the drugstore to pick up my prescriptions all $360 worth!!!! I better feel like a princess again real quick! The doctor called this evening with news that I do have bronchitis...not surprising... Totally glad I caught it before it turned into pneumonia! So I'm resting at home tonight. My wonderful husband made me a great dinner...
Jalapeno chicken breast with onions and peppers and a mexican salad YUM!!
Goodnight!!
xoxo chef a
The Lonely Candy Bar
On the IPOD "Sister and Sam" by: Sara Hickman
Ok so I when I left you I was heading to work with pretty much a thousand dishes to make. Oh what a rough day! I knew I had a chef meeting all the way up north at 5pm which wouldn't have been difficult except that I forgot we were having an appetizer competition and we each had to bring a dish and the recipe. So what was I going to make with the ingredients I had on hand???
I threw together a version of a dish I was making for a client and turned it into a appetizer... and I won the competition and a prize whoohoo! This would be great as a cold or hot pasta dish or twirled onto Chinese soup spoons as a one bite appetizer. I cut 3/4 of the fat out of the recipe (original called for full fat peanut butter and 1/2 cup vegetable oil) and you can totally play with the sauce to taste and even use it with chicken satay.
Szechuan Noodles
6 garlic cloves
2 T grated ginger
1 1/2 T sesame oil
1 tsp hot chili oil
1 cup reduced fat peanut butter ( i used 1/2 cup chunky and 1/2 cup smooth)
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce (can use less or more to taste)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 1/2 T Agave Nectar
dash cayenne pepper (I made mine pretty spicy)
1 pound whole wheat linguine
4 green onions, sliced
1 red bell pepper, julienned
1 yellow bell pepper, julienned
Blend first 9 ingredients with a hand blender or in a regular blender. Cook pasta in salted water as directed on package and drain.
Toss while hot with veggies and then with some of the sauce until coated to your liking. Most likely you will not need all of the sauce. Btw I never really measure the sauce ingredients I just eye it and then adjust.
So I'm going to admit that I have been trying to con my friends into trying new candy bars that are on the market. It's Halloween and all the new candy is out on the shelves. Now what most of you don't realize is that I'm an advertiser's dream...You make a new package...I buy a new package. Do you know how much it kills me to see new items of the shelves that I have yet to taste? I have reached a new low, I have spent a good 15 minutes (more than once) trying to talk different friends into sampling new goods on the shelves and reporting back to me. And after I do I have to say I feel a bit dirty...Its not that I want them to gain weight, I mean it, but somebody has to take the fall. The "snickers fudge bar" is soo lonely, why does it have to take the brunt of the American public finally deciding to stop the comfort food craze because we have all realized that we still have no money but we are all wearing a bigger pant size. I'm not being political here, by the way!! I'm just saying there has got to be one of you skinnies (or not so skinnies) out there who is willing to help a girl out. So please take this opportunity to let me live vicariously through you. If you have tried or want to try a new candy product from this Halloween season, please fill me in with details of it's deliciousness. Ill take this information as a comment or feel free to send me a private email if that makes it easier to admit. Thank you all for your help!!
xoxo chef a
Ok so I when I left you I was heading to work with pretty much a thousand dishes to make. Oh what a rough day! I knew I had a chef meeting all the way up north at 5pm which wouldn't have been difficult except that I forgot we were having an appetizer competition and we each had to bring a dish and the recipe. So what was I going to make with the ingredients I had on hand???
I threw together a version of a dish I was making for a client and turned it into a appetizer... and I won the competition and a prize whoohoo! This would be great as a cold or hot pasta dish or twirled onto Chinese soup spoons as a one bite appetizer. I cut 3/4 of the fat out of the recipe (original called for full fat peanut butter and 1/2 cup vegetable oil) and you can totally play with the sauce to taste and even use it with chicken satay.
Szechuan Noodles
6 garlic cloves
2 T grated ginger
1 1/2 T sesame oil
1 tsp hot chili oil
1 cup reduced fat peanut butter ( i used 1/2 cup chunky and 1/2 cup smooth)
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce (can use less or more to taste)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 1/2 T Agave Nectar
dash cayenne pepper (I made mine pretty spicy)
1 pound whole wheat linguine
4 green onions, sliced
1 red bell pepper, julienned
1 yellow bell pepper, julienned
Blend first 9 ingredients with a hand blender or in a regular blender. Cook pasta in salted water as directed on package and drain.
Toss while hot with veggies and then with some of the sauce until coated to your liking. Most likely you will not need all of the sauce. Btw I never really measure the sauce ingredients I just eye it and then adjust.
So I'm going to admit that I have been trying to con my friends into trying new candy bars that are on the market. It's Halloween and all the new candy is out on the shelves. Now what most of you don't realize is that I'm an advertiser's dream...You make a new package...I buy a new package. Do you know how much it kills me to see new items of the shelves that I have yet to taste? I have reached a new low, I have spent a good 15 minutes (more than once) trying to talk different friends into sampling new goods on the shelves and reporting back to me. And after I do I have to say I feel a bit dirty...Its not that I want them to gain weight, I mean it, but somebody has to take the fall. The "snickers fudge bar" is soo lonely, why does it have to take the brunt of the American public finally deciding to stop the comfort food craze because we have all realized that we still have no money but we are all wearing a bigger pant size. I'm not being political here, by the way!! I'm just saying there has got to be one of you skinnies (or not so skinnies) out there who is willing to help a girl out. So please take this opportunity to let me live vicariously through you. If you have tried or want to try a new candy product from this Halloween season, please fill me in with details of it's deliciousness. Ill take this information as a comment or feel free to send me a private email if that makes it easier to admit. Thank you all for your help!!
xoxo chef a
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Yoga Schmoga!
On the IPOD "Falling Slowly" by: Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Well all I know is someone was in my corner this morning because i happened to switch a client to later in the day and just as I walked through the kitchen I heard water pouring out of the laundry room...water heater was bursting all over the floor...Let me assure you that I would have been beyond pissed had I not been home to catch it...
I finally made it to hip hop yoga tonight. The class kinda started out on a weird note because when Jessica and I first got there it was kinda early and the teacher was all rubbing her belly telling us that this was going to be her last class for the next three month because rub rub rub, "she is with child." She then went on to tell us that she just never knew it could be so easy to get pregnant and that they just started to think about trying and here she was pregnant. Now don't get me wrong I'm very happy for her, but what she just didn't know was that she was talking to two girls who are both nervous about their own fertility. We both gave each other the glare of death and moved on. Our class was very small. The funny thing is that I knew everyone, well except the teacher. It was Me and Jessica and then a friend Lauren and her sister Kari happened to be there too. I'm going to start off by saying that I try so very hard to like yoga but I just don't. I like fast paced dancing that has passion, joy, and fun. To me yoga is slow and boring. I thought great hip hop music would make it different unfortunately it was more like a mix tape of top 40 slow jams with only a couple of songs I truly liked. Maybe it's just me I guess maybe I am confusing hip hop music with gangsta rap. What I want is a gangsta rap dance class I guess!! I kept thinking in my head..."I don't get downward dog and being in the fetal position does not make me feel like I'm working out it makes me want to cry!" I also like to look at myself in a standing position in the mirror...there is nothing pretty about this much body twisted into pretzel like poses on the floor. Anyways I'm glad to have come to a definite conclusion that yoga is not my thing!!
Today is going to be crazy... I have two clients and a very long menu...
Cilantro Lime Chicken with Mango Pico de gallo
Chili con Carne
Chicken Salad
Teriyaki Filets
Beef Fajitas
Veggie Fajitas
Shrimp Fajitas
Chicken Stir fry
Szechuan Whole Wheat Noodles
Winter Chopped Salad
Fresh Citrus Slices
and various side dishes too
Oh and I can't forget Reid and Davis' special Amanda cookies
Peace out yo!
xoxo chef a
Well all I know is someone was in my corner this morning because i happened to switch a client to later in the day and just as I walked through the kitchen I heard water pouring out of the laundry room...water heater was bursting all over the floor...Let me assure you that I would have been beyond pissed had I not been home to catch it...
I finally made it to hip hop yoga tonight. The class kinda started out on a weird note because when Jessica and I first got there it was kinda early and the teacher was all rubbing her belly telling us that this was going to be her last class for the next three month because rub rub rub, "she is with child." She then went on to tell us that she just never knew it could be so easy to get pregnant and that they just started to think about trying and here she was pregnant. Now don't get me wrong I'm very happy for her, but what she just didn't know was that she was talking to two girls who are both nervous about their own fertility. We both gave each other the glare of death and moved on. Our class was very small. The funny thing is that I knew everyone, well except the teacher. It was Me and Jessica and then a friend Lauren and her sister Kari happened to be there too. I'm going to start off by saying that I try so very hard to like yoga but I just don't. I like fast paced dancing that has passion, joy, and fun. To me yoga is slow and boring. I thought great hip hop music would make it different unfortunately it was more like a mix tape of top 40 slow jams with only a couple of songs I truly liked. Maybe it's just me I guess maybe I am confusing hip hop music with gangsta rap. What I want is a gangsta rap dance class I guess!! I kept thinking in my head..."I don't get downward dog and being in the fetal position does not make me feel like I'm working out it makes me want to cry!" I also like to look at myself in a standing position in the mirror...there is nothing pretty about this much body twisted into pretzel like poses on the floor. Anyways I'm glad to have come to a definite conclusion that yoga is not my thing!!
Today is going to be crazy... I have two clients and a very long menu...
Cilantro Lime Chicken with Mango Pico de gallo
Chili con Carne
Chicken Salad
Teriyaki Filets
Beef Fajitas
Veggie Fajitas
Shrimp Fajitas
Chicken Stir fry
Szechuan Whole Wheat Noodles
Winter Chopped Salad
Fresh Citrus Slices
and various side dishes too
Oh and I can't forget Reid and Davis' special Amanda cookies
Peace out yo!
xoxo chef a
Sugar Sucks!!
On the IPOD "Black and Gold" by: Sam Sparro
I am so proud of myself for resting almost all day yesterday. The only things I did were to go do a walk through of our much anticipated new place and I did go to mahjong last night because Julie got a new puppy!
So let's start with the walk through... Yeah there is no way that our apartment is gonna be really in 10 days. They can say whatever they want but it's just not going to be ready, not to my standards at least. I don't even mind waiting at this point. So she showed me our apartment but on a higher floor. It was much better, definitely more complete... I think what they don't understand and what I've been real honest about is that if they rush us in there and it is not ready I might make their lives a living hell. I'm a chef, we have a certain amount of cockiness to us that at times can be unruly. I'm not a total bitch, but I'm right on the edge. Most of the time I expect the best out of people, shoot I expect the best out of myself, and I don't handle the word no very well. I am very sweet, I promise, but honestly if you screw with me the claws will come out. This is by no means a threat but it is a warning! :)
Then I went by the market to pick up some snacks for mahjong. I got some "Popchips" because I love them and some cut up strawberries, cantaloupe, and kiwi. And then I stopped by Subway and picked up a veggie delite on 9 grain with spicy mustard and a turkey on 9 grain with chipotle. Who knew that my choice would be the most popular. I have a big confession I love the veggie delite sandwich from subway, I never let myself get it because it is a lot of bread, but mahjong is a special occasion and everybody liked it yay!! And I was really proud of myself because I really took the day off, I thought about cooking some snacks, but I let go of a little bit of control and bought everything!! I had so much fun talking about everything with Julie, Jessica, and Jared (aka Amy for the night). Oh wait, and don't forget about the cutest puppy ever "Jager"!!! Bam! Dots! Balls! Cracks! Mahjong!
I am so looking forward to working out today...I am doing very good with food choices except for the hand full of chocolate covered almonds I grabbed at mahjong before I made Jessica take them away from me... Sugar is my worst enemy, I wish that it was different and that I could just count calories but it just doesn't work for me, I have to cut out sugar to lose weight. I've heard all the stuff about calories in versus calories out but I must be an exception to the rule because after I eat any kind of processed sugar my body is like "screw you, you re not losing any weight this week!" Anyways so I promised some recipes yesterday so here they are...
Chicken Lettuce Wraps
1 1/2 pounds ground chicken
6 oz can water chestnuts, diced
8 oz fresh mushrooms, diced
12-16oz bag of cole slaw mix (or shredded cabbage and julienned carrots)
a little bit of Soy Vay Hoisin Garlic Sauce, to taste start with a couple of TBspoons
1-2 tsp sriracha chili sauce
a dash of low sodium soy sauce
a head of iceberg lettuce
Brown chicken in non-stick pan over medium high heat until cooked throughout and crumbled, (I use a potato masher to break up meat while cooking, the old fashioned kind with the zig zag design). Add veggies and cook about 2 minutes. Add sauces to taste and cook until veggies are done. Serve in crisp, cold lettuce leaves.
Quick Low Fat/Low Carb Eggplant Parmesan Bake
2-3 Young Eggplants, sliced into 1/4 inch circles
8 oz 2% mozzarella cheese (EXTRA THIN SLiCED) ( can use fresh mozzarella too)
1 28 oz can Crushed Tomatoes
1/2 pkg Good Seasonings Garlic herb salad dressing (Dry mix)
6oz shredded italian cheese mix
On 2 foil lined pam sprayed cookie sheets line up eggplant slices and spray tops with pam. Bake at 425* until slightly browned turn over and continue to bake until this side is browned as well. Remove from oven.
In a baking dish overlap rows of eggplant and rows of mozzarella. Mix tomatoes and dressing mix and pour over top (might not need all sauce). Sprinkle with italian cheese blend. Bake at 400* for about 25 minutes or until cheese is bubbling and hot.
This recipe can be made obviously with homemade italian red gravy or store bought sauce. And can also be layered with other veggies including zucchini, squash, even grilled carrots. But Tracy wanted eggplant so that's what she got!!
xoxo chef a
I am so proud of myself for resting almost all day yesterday. The only things I did were to go do a walk through of our much anticipated new place and I did go to mahjong last night because Julie got a new puppy!
So let's start with the walk through... Yeah there is no way that our apartment is gonna be really in 10 days. They can say whatever they want but it's just not going to be ready, not to my standards at least. I don't even mind waiting at this point. So she showed me our apartment but on a higher floor. It was much better, definitely more complete... I think what they don't understand and what I've been real honest about is that if they rush us in there and it is not ready I might make their lives a living hell. I'm a chef, we have a certain amount of cockiness to us that at times can be unruly. I'm not a total bitch, but I'm right on the edge. Most of the time I expect the best out of people, shoot I expect the best out of myself, and I don't handle the word no very well. I am very sweet, I promise, but honestly if you screw with me the claws will come out. This is by no means a threat but it is a warning! :)
Then I went by the market to pick up some snacks for mahjong. I got some "Popchips" because I love them and some cut up strawberries, cantaloupe, and kiwi. And then I stopped by Subway and picked up a veggie delite on 9 grain with spicy mustard and a turkey on 9 grain with chipotle. Who knew that my choice would be the most popular. I have a big confession I love the veggie delite sandwich from subway, I never let myself get it because it is a lot of bread, but mahjong is a special occasion and everybody liked it yay!! And I was really proud of myself because I really took the day off, I thought about cooking some snacks, but I let go of a little bit of control and bought everything!! I had so much fun talking about everything with Julie, Jessica, and Jared (aka Amy for the night). Oh wait, and don't forget about the cutest puppy ever "Jager"!!! Bam! Dots! Balls! Cracks! Mahjong!
I am so looking forward to working out today...I am doing very good with food choices except for the hand full of chocolate covered almonds I grabbed at mahjong before I made Jessica take them away from me... Sugar is my worst enemy, I wish that it was different and that I could just count calories but it just doesn't work for me, I have to cut out sugar to lose weight. I've heard all the stuff about calories in versus calories out but I must be an exception to the rule because after I eat any kind of processed sugar my body is like "screw you, you re not losing any weight this week!" Anyways so I promised some recipes yesterday so here they are...
Chicken Lettuce Wraps
1 1/2 pounds ground chicken
6 oz can water chestnuts, diced
8 oz fresh mushrooms, diced
12-16oz bag of cole slaw mix (or shredded cabbage and julienned carrots)
a little bit of Soy Vay Hoisin Garlic Sauce, to taste start with a couple of TBspoons
1-2 tsp sriracha chili sauce
a dash of low sodium soy sauce
a head of iceberg lettuce
Brown chicken in non-stick pan over medium high heat until cooked throughout and crumbled, (I use a potato masher to break up meat while cooking, the old fashioned kind with the zig zag design). Add veggies and cook about 2 minutes. Add sauces to taste and cook until veggies are done. Serve in crisp, cold lettuce leaves.
Quick Low Fat/Low Carb Eggplant Parmesan Bake
2-3 Young Eggplants, sliced into 1/4 inch circles
8 oz 2% mozzarella cheese (EXTRA THIN SLiCED) ( can use fresh mozzarella too)
1 28 oz can Crushed Tomatoes
1/2 pkg Good Seasonings Garlic herb salad dressing (Dry mix)
6oz shredded italian cheese mix
On 2 foil lined pam sprayed cookie sheets line up eggplant slices and spray tops with pam. Bake at 425* until slightly browned turn over and continue to bake until this side is browned as well. Remove from oven.
In a baking dish overlap rows of eggplant and rows of mozzarella. Mix tomatoes and dressing mix and pour over top (might not need all sauce). Sprinkle with italian cheese blend. Bake at 400* for about 25 minutes or until cheese is bubbling and hot.
This recipe can be made obviously with homemade italian red gravy or store bought sauce. And can also be layered with other veggies including zucchini, squash, even grilled carrots. But Tracy wanted eggplant so that's what she got!!
xoxo chef a
Monday, October 19, 2009
Nice Butt!!
On the IPOD "All I Wanna Do" by: Sugarland
Alright first off I have been sick and I really don't do sick very well. I have a very low tolerance for pain and I am not a sit in bed at home all day kind of girl. I'll give you the timeline of the past 4-5 days. So Wednesday as you know I felt the sore throat, went to the doctor, started meds, and didn't work. Thursday no work, spent an hour in court (thank goodness a had a lawyer for this one and only had to check in), pretty much slept the rest of the day. Friday, slept in, I was feeling better, and I had a client who was having a party so I worked in the afternoon but then I went home and crashed. Saturday morning I woke up feeling great, I didn't even have a cough, so I decided to go ahead and enter the breast cancer bread baking contest at the fair (it is one of the few I can actually enter) on Sunday. The Italian Sweet Bread I was baking takes 18 hours to make so I started on Saturday, knowing that in the past ( because of childhood asthma) I have never been able to get over a flu or cold in 3 days but I was being optimistic. So anyways Sunday morning came around and I went to pick up Jessica who was entering Jalapeno Sausage Cheese Bread in the same competition and then she was also entering her cinnamon rolls in the regular baking competition. We got there and while checking in the most amazing thing happened...I have to start a new paragraph for this...
While I was handing over my bread I heard Jessica say from behind me..."Oh my God you have lost weight in your butt...it looks great!!" Much to her surprise the results of the baking contest didn't even matter at this point, She had just made me the happiest girl in the world!!!!
My bread turned out great, perfect crumb and sweetness. I actually was really happy with it, but obviously it was a little too advanced for the judge's palate :). No win for me, Oh Well! But Jessica scored another honorable mention in the sweet roll competition for her cinnamon rolls, Yay!! We still both believe there is something fishy about how the same people consistently win (cough cough Dorothy!) But all in all it's really fun and it gives us an excuse to go to the fair. And while she reported her win to everybody she knows...I reported my butt complement and her win to everybody I know!!
But just as the clock stuck 3 I felt some wheezing in my chest...I immediately left the fair and headed straight to the drugstore to fill my prescription for an antibiotic. I don't really mess around with this because I was on oral steroids for the better part of my childhood and lets just say they don't help with weight loss so I try to avoid them at all costs. By 6 pm I was in a full blown asthma regime. I am going to be smart and give myself I break...I guess... but I am really missing the gym I hope to be back tomorrow. Who ever thought I would say that I miss the gym... I will be posting recipes this afternoon, including the requests that I have had.
Have a wonderful Monday!!
xoxo chef a
Alright first off I have been sick and I really don't do sick very well. I have a very low tolerance for pain and I am not a sit in bed at home all day kind of girl. I'll give you the timeline of the past 4-5 days. So Wednesday as you know I felt the sore throat, went to the doctor, started meds, and didn't work. Thursday no work, spent an hour in court (thank goodness a had a lawyer for this one and only had to check in), pretty much slept the rest of the day. Friday, slept in, I was feeling better, and I had a client who was having a party so I worked in the afternoon but then I went home and crashed. Saturday morning I woke up feeling great, I didn't even have a cough, so I decided to go ahead and enter the breast cancer bread baking contest at the fair (it is one of the few I can actually enter) on Sunday. The Italian Sweet Bread I was baking takes 18 hours to make so I started on Saturday, knowing that in the past ( because of childhood asthma) I have never been able to get over a flu or cold in 3 days but I was being optimistic. So anyways Sunday morning came around and I went to pick up Jessica who was entering Jalapeno Sausage Cheese Bread in the same competition and then she was also entering her cinnamon rolls in the regular baking competition. We got there and while checking in the most amazing thing happened...I have to start a new paragraph for this...
While I was handing over my bread I heard Jessica say from behind me..."Oh my God you have lost weight in your butt...it looks great!!" Much to her surprise the results of the baking contest didn't even matter at this point, She had just made me the happiest girl in the world!!!!
My bread turned out great, perfect crumb and sweetness. I actually was really happy with it, but obviously it was a little too advanced for the judge's palate :). No win for me, Oh Well! But Jessica scored another honorable mention in the sweet roll competition for her cinnamon rolls, Yay!! We still both believe there is something fishy about how the same people consistently win (cough cough Dorothy!) But all in all it's really fun and it gives us an excuse to go to the fair. And while she reported her win to everybody she knows...I reported my butt complement and her win to everybody I know!!
But just as the clock stuck 3 I felt some wheezing in my chest...I immediately left the fair and headed straight to the drugstore to fill my prescription for an antibiotic. I don't really mess around with this because I was on oral steroids for the better part of my childhood and lets just say they don't help with weight loss so I try to avoid them at all costs. By 6 pm I was in a full blown asthma regime. I am going to be smart and give myself I break...I guess... but I am really missing the gym I hope to be back tomorrow. Who ever thought I would say that I miss the gym... I will be posting recipes this afternoon, including the requests that I have had.
Have a wonderful Monday!!
xoxo chef a
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sick...
On the IPOD "Yellow" by: Coldplay
Ok well I'm admitting that I'm definitely sick...I'm hoping today is the last day because I really have to work tomorrow. The fact that I called the doctor yesterday is pretty much proof that I felt like I was dying, I usually try to fix medical issues myself without getting doctors involved. Anyways my appointment was at 1:45 and I got there a little early and laid across the waiting room chairs when I say I didn't feel good I really mean it. So about 5 minutes later the nurse came to get me and tried to convince me to get on the scale...first of all I don't believe in getting weighed at the doctor unless I'm pregnant, I'm a kid, or I'm about to go into surgery and the anesthesiologist is asking. I mean lets be honest obviously I'm overweight, if I have lost significant weight I would be happy to let you know, and the last time I checked tamiflu is not prescribed by weight. So my doctor came in first thing she said was "you look great!" obviously she was talking about my weight loss not the fact that I looked like I was dying. Then she asked "how are you doing it?" my response was simple, "I'm writing a blog and dealing with my shit!" She was so excited and is probably reading today!!
I left the doctor and went to the drugstore to pick up meds and Gatorade (sickness staple). I then went home ...by the way my husband was not thrilled I was coming home I think he not so secretly wanted me to take my disease over to my mom's house. I made a real quick chicken noodle soup...it actually was really good and took like 20 minutes to make.
Chicken Noodle Soup (Quick Sick Version)
3 quart size boxes of chicken stock (I used two swanson and one imagine brand)
4 carrots, peeled and diced
1 rotisserie chicken ( I only used white meat obviously you could use dark too) diced meat
1 cup ditalini pasta
1/4 cup acini di pepe pasta
Lawry's seasoned salt and pepper to taste
Pour stock into a large soup pot. Add carrots and chicken and bring to a boil. Add pasta and reduce to a simmer until pasta is cooked and carrots are soft. Season to taste.
Mike ate the soup too! Well only after I assured him that I have an airborne illness and he will not catch it from the soup. I wish I could say that when I'm sick I don't want food but unfortunately that is not the case I seem to be even more hungry... All I could think about last night was how much I really wanted a hot piece of cheese pizza with just the right amount of sauce on it...or a cherry and coke slurpee. To tell you the truth I don't really even care about the calories at the moment I just couldn't physically make myself leave the house to get it, which I guess is a good thing! So instead I had soup and Pop-chips, the best thing ever invented. It is slightly unnerving how swollen my face is, I looks like I've gained about 10 pounds but I know it's just my throat, I know this because I've weighed myself probably 5 times just to make sure ;)! Well I took the day off today except for the fact that I have to show up for my court date, I tried to get out of it but the court system wants me to spread my germs... Ill check in later.
xoxo chef a
Ok well I'm admitting that I'm definitely sick...I'm hoping today is the last day because I really have to work tomorrow. The fact that I called the doctor yesterday is pretty much proof that I felt like I was dying, I usually try to fix medical issues myself without getting doctors involved. Anyways my appointment was at 1:45 and I got there a little early and laid across the waiting room chairs when I say I didn't feel good I really mean it. So about 5 minutes later the nurse came to get me and tried to convince me to get on the scale...first of all I don't believe in getting weighed at the doctor unless I'm pregnant, I'm a kid, or I'm about to go into surgery and the anesthesiologist is asking. I mean lets be honest obviously I'm overweight, if I have lost significant weight I would be happy to let you know, and the last time I checked tamiflu is not prescribed by weight. So my doctor came in first thing she said was "you look great!" obviously she was talking about my weight loss not the fact that I looked like I was dying. Then she asked "how are you doing it?" my response was simple, "I'm writing a blog and dealing with my shit!" She was so excited and is probably reading today!!
I left the doctor and went to the drugstore to pick up meds and Gatorade (sickness staple). I then went home ...by the way my husband was not thrilled I was coming home I think he not so secretly wanted me to take my disease over to my mom's house. I made a real quick chicken noodle soup...it actually was really good and took like 20 minutes to make.
Chicken Noodle Soup (Quick Sick Version)
3 quart size boxes of chicken stock (I used two swanson and one imagine brand)
4 carrots, peeled and diced
1 rotisserie chicken ( I only used white meat obviously you could use dark too) diced meat
1 cup ditalini pasta
1/4 cup acini di pepe pasta
Lawry's seasoned salt and pepper to taste
Pour stock into a large soup pot. Add carrots and chicken and bring to a boil. Add pasta and reduce to a simmer until pasta is cooked and carrots are soft. Season to taste.
Mike ate the soup too! Well only after I assured him that I have an airborne illness and he will not catch it from the soup. I wish I could say that when I'm sick I don't want food but unfortunately that is not the case I seem to be even more hungry... All I could think about last night was how much I really wanted a hot piece of cheese pizza with just the right amount of sauce on it...or a cherry and coke slurpee. To tell you the truth I don't really even care about the calories at the moment I just couldn't physically make myself leave the house to get it, which I guess is a good thing! So instead I had soup and Pop-chips, the best thing ever invented. It is slightly unnerving how swollen my face is, I looks like I've gained about 10 pounds but I know it's just my throat, I know this because I've weighed myself probably 5 times just to make sure ;)! Well I took the day off today except for the fact that I have to show up for my court date, I tried to get out of it but the court system wants me to spread my germs... Ill check in later.
xoxo chef a
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Locked in the Steam Room
On the IPOD "Who Says" by: John Mayer
Today started off great except that Mike started his new job yesterday and they informed him that for the next month he has to be there at 6:30am which means he has to get up by no later than 5:00am, pretty rough for everyone even Wonton. But Wonton and I are thrilled that Mike loves his new job and that we might actually even have real benefits eventually! Yay!!
After 4 grocery stores and two clients I decided to go back to the richy richy health club (Equinox). This time I was by myself. I will workout with friends, but I am completely ok by myself. I am like my father in that I have no problem going to lunch, dinner, a movie, or a concert completely by myself so working out is pretty much the same thing. Don't get me wrong I'm completely social maybe that's why it it easy for me, who knows... Anyways I power walked on the treadmill for about 20 minutes, rowed for about 10 minutes, rode the bike for 10 minutes and even tried out the mountain climbing machine for 5, no joke you can even pick the mountain you want to climb. So for 5 minutes of my life I was a mountain climber! Ha! and I did all this with a cold eucalyptus towel around my neck, I don't even know if I like it but it's available and I'm gonna use it. I have to admit it though I really came back for the steam room... So I'm gonna set the stage for you...I don't go in the steam room naked first of all the towel would barely cover one ass cheek and second of all the towel would barely cover one ass cheek! So I go in wearing my crocs (because I don't wanna know what kind of bacteria grows in there), my yoga pants, my sports bar and a tank top. I know I might as well throw a jacket on too! Just so you know the temperature gauge said 126* today...wow! There I am in the steam room sitting on two towels and all I keep asking myself is, "Amanda, what if somebody locks you in here what are you going to do? Hmmm...I wonder if this glass would break or is it shatter resistant? What if it just kept getting hotter...would I die?" And then I said to myself, "stop thinking this way, you are in control, nobody is going to lock you in here. You can do it!" Yeah well about 2 minutes later I got up and quickly walked out. I mean if I have to be killed I do not want it to be in a steam room...I mean I don't really like the idea of dying at all but there are about a 100 other ways that would be more pleasant. This is why I don't watch horror movies and why I occasionally make my husband come to get me at the car when I come home late.
I finished the evening going to one of my favorite restaurants Houston's with Mike. It is a little difficult to go to a restaurant where you can't order what you really want but I'm trying to get past it. I am a complete planner so I always call before I go to ask; What are the specials?, What are the vegetables of the day? and What is the fish on the fish sandwich? It really helps me to pretty much know what I'm going to order before going into the lion's den, if you know what I mean. I also knew my husband was going to order a salad to start and that means I'm going to order a salad too because I would end up eating part of his salad if I didn't and that wouldn't be a smart move...So I ordered a traditional salad minus the croutons and bacon, with salsa on the side, Oh and I gave my cheese bread to Mike. Then I ordered the fish sandwich (Grilled halibut tonight no butter completely dry and no bun) and steamed broccoli. Boring.... The funny part is that I used to work in restaurants and I once saw a chef dip a woman's grilled chicken in a pot of melted butter when she ordered it a specific way so that always runs through my head. I guess it's about trying to be healthy if somebody else messes you up I mean what are you going to do you just have to go on with life.
My throat is oddly sore...The difficult part of my job is that when kids get sick they stay home and then super fun Amanda is there cooking and they want to help. I love kids and typically can not say no to them helping in the kitchen mainly because I know that some of them don't get the opportunity because I cook all of their meals that is why today I ended up tasting a healthy appetizer of celery stick stuffed with steamed julienned carrots which Sam referred to as la celery carrota ( his version of French for the celery with carrots) very cute thank goodness he wasn't sick but they all are carriers I tell you!!
Goodnight all!
xoxo chef a
Today started off great except that Mike started his new job yesterday and they informed him that for the next month he has to be there at 6:30am which means he has to get up by no later than 5:00am, pretty rough for everyone even Wonton. But Wonton and I are thrilled that Mike loves his new job and that we might actually even have real benefits eventually! Yay!!
After 4 grocery stores and two clients I decided to go back to the richy richy health club (Equinox). This time I was by myself. I will workout with friends, but I am completely ok by myself. I am like my father in that I have no problem going to lunch, dinner, a movie, or a concert completely by myself so working out is pretty much the same thing. Don't get me wrong I'm completely social maybe that's why it it easy for me, who knows... Anyways I power walked on the treadmill for about 20 minutes, rowed for about 10 minutes, rode the bike for 10 minutes and even tried out the mountain climbing machine for 5, no joke you can even pick the mountain you want to climb. So for 5 minutes of my life I was a mountain climber! Ha! and I did all this with a cold eucalyptus towel around my neck, I don't even know if I like it but it's available and I'm gonna use it. I have to admit it though I really came back for the steam room... So I'm gonna set the stage for you...I don't go in the steam room naked first of all the towel would barely cover one ass cheek and second of all the towel would barely cover one ass cheek! So I go in wearing my crocs (because I don't wanna know what kind of bacteria grows in there), my yoga pants, my sports bar and a tank top. I know I might as well throw a jacket on too! Just so you know the temperature gauge said 126* today...wow! There I am in the steam room sitting on two towels and all I keep asking myself is, "Amanda, what if somebody locks you in here what are you going to do? Hmmm...I wonder if this glass would break or is it shatter resistant? What if it just kept getting hotter...would I die?" And then I said to myself, "stop thinking this way, you are in control, nobody is going to lock you in here. You can do it!" Yeah well about 2 minutes later I got up and quickly walked out. I mean if I have to be killed I do not want it to be in a steam room...I mean I don't really like the idea of dying at all but there are about a 100 other ways that would be more pleasant. This is why I don't watch horror movies and why I occasionally make my husband come to get me at the car when I come home late.
I finished the evening going to one of my favorite restaurants Houston's with Mike. It is a little difficult to go to a restaurant where you can't order what you really want but I'm trying to get past it. I am a complete planner so I always call before I go to ask; What are the specials?, What are the vegetables of the day? and What is the fish on the fish sandwich? It really helps me to pretty much know what I'm going to order before going into the lion's den, if you know what I mean. I also knew my husband was going to order a salad to start and that means I'm going to order a salad too because I would end up eating part of his salad if I didn't and that wouldn't be a smart move...So I ordered a traditional salad minus the croutons and bacon, with salsa on the side, Oh and I gave my cheese bread to Mike. Then I ordered the fish sandwich (Grilled halibut tonight no butter completely dry and no bun) and steamed broccoli. Boring.... The funny part is that I used to work in restaurants and I once saw a chef dip a woman's grilled chicken in a pot of melted butter when she ordered it a specific way so that always runs through my head. I guess it's about trying to be healthy if somebody else messes you up I mean what are you going to do you just have to go on with life.
My throat is oddly sore...The difficult part of my job is that when kids get sick they stay home and then super fun Amanda is there cooking and they want to help. I love kids and typically can not say no to them helping in the kitchen mainly because I know that some of them don't get the opportunity because I cook all of their meals that is why today I ended up tasting a healthy appetizer of celery stick stuffed with steamed julienned carrots which Sam referred to as la celery carrota ( his version of French for the celery with carrots) very cute thank goodness he wasn't sick but they all are carriers I tell you!!
Goodnight all!
xoxo chef a
The Richy Richy Club
On the IPOD "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by: The Charlie Daniels Band
What a Day! I had two client yesterday and then I had to show up for a court date at 1:30pm downtown. First of all the ticket in reference to the court date was for not having proof of my insurance in the car with me, it was a month out of date. I understand the need for everyone to carry current information but honestly I think you should be able to show it at the court clerks office instead of wasting the courts time and MONEY. The up side of my court date was the 5 gentleman who reminded me how culturally insane the average white man is for not being able to appreciate a plus size girl. So this is the funny part...I had to show up knowing that my officer would not because he was kicked off the force 6 months ago for bad conduct (interesting). So after two hours the Judge walked into the room and said "Well it doesn't look like any officers will be joining us, Please wait for your name to be called to get your dismissal." Ok so I'm not going complain because I have yet another court date on Thursday this one for speeding (it was a very bad week last year, don't judge!) and I did get hit on 5 times so really it was worth it...kidding.
So I ran back to the apartment to change clothes and wash off the smell of beef stew(work) and sweaty balls(courtroom). Because Jamie was letting me be her guest at the richy richy health club. I'm not gonna lie I liked it there... I mean they have a stretching room with a ballet bar and some kind of weird floor that is squishy. After stretching we went to the cardio area...10 minutes treadmill, 10 minutes elliptical (never again I don't care what anyone says...it kills my low back and not in a good way), 15 minutes bike, and 5 minutes crazy death machine I don't know what its called I will find out and report back. Then I stopped by the refrigerator for a cold eucalyptus towel, freaking awesome. I finished the workout by making Jamie sit in the eucalyptus steam room, ok it was hot but great, almost worth the price of membership. And I have to say my sweat did look a little more golden...just saying. We made a quick trip for fro yo I got sugar free vanilla and a little bit of pumpkin with chopped almonds, yum so good. And then I made her go with me to pick up stuff for dinner. Mike and I had decided on taco salad, which is great for me because I make it with lots of veggies, extra lean ground beef, low fat cheese and lots of pico de gallo and salsa, no real need for dressing. Another yum so good I might be able to eat this every night!!! So now Im on my way to work today and I don't know what to do I have another free day(all week) at the richy richy club but it's also Tuesday and I really wanted to go to hip hop yoga at move studio.... Decisions Decisions... Leave me some comments today...I'm feeling like I need a little push.
xoxo chef a
What a Day! I had two client yesterday and then I had to show up for a court date at 1:30pm downtown. First of all the ticket in reference to the court date was for not having proof of my insurance in the car with me, it was a month out of date. I understand the need for everyone to carry current information but honestly I think you should be able to show it at the court clerks office instead of wasting the courts time and MONEY. The up side of my court date was the 5 gentleman who reminded me how culturally insane the average white man is for not being able to appreciate a plus size girl. So this is the funny part...I had to show up knowing that my officer would not because he was kicked off the force 6 months ago for bad conduct (interesting). So after two hours the Judge walked into the room and said "Well it doesn't look like any officers will be joining us, Please wait for your name to be called to get your dismissal." Ok so I'm not going complain because I have yet another court date on Thursday this one for speeding (it was a very bad week last year, don't judge!) and I did get hit on 5 times so really it was worth it...kidding.
So I ran back to the apartment to change clothes and wash off the smell of beef stew(work) and sweaty balls(courtroom). Because Jamie was letting me be her guest at the richy richy health club. I'm not gonna lie I liked it there... I mean they have a stretching room with a ballet bar and some kind of weird floor that is squishy. After stretching we went to the cardio area...10 minutes treadmill, 10 minutes elliptical (never again I don't care what anyone says...it kills my low back and not in a good way), 15 minutes bike, and 5 minutes crazy death machine I don't know what its called I will find out and report back. Then I stopped by the refrigerator for a cold eucalyptus towel, freaking awesome. I finished the workout by making Jamie sit in the eucalyptus steam room, ok it was hot but great, almost worth the price of membership. And I have to say my sweat did look a little more golden...just saying. We made a quick trip for fro yo I got sugar free vanilla and a little bit of pumpkin with chopped almonds, yum so good. And then I made her go with me to pick up stuff for dinner. Mike and I had decided on taco salad, which is great for me because I make it with lots of veggies, extra lean ground beef, low fat cheese and lots of pico de gallo and salsa, no real need for dressing. Another yum so good I might be able to eat this every night!!! So now Im on my way to work today and I don't know what to do I have another free day(all week) at the richy richy club but it's also Tuesday and I really wanted to go to hip hop yoga at move studio.... Decisions Decisions... Leave me some comments today...I'm feeling like I need a little push.
xoxo chef a
Sunday, October 11, 2009
A Loss
On the IPOD "Here Comes Goodbye" by: Rascal Flatts
Wow, what a busy weekend I really don't know where to start so I'll just dig in. I left you on Friday when I was heading to the fair with Jessica to rule the pie competition. Well drum roll please, Jessica took an honorable mention for her Coconut Cream Pie! Yay so exciting, the competition is very intense let me just tell you the people who compete in these competitions are fierce so the fact that she walked away with a ribbon is incredible!!!!
Moving on to a more serious topic... I had a girls happy hour this weekend and one of my friends is going through a very difficult time in her marriage. She has been trying for years to conceive a child and after 2 miscarriages and lots of fertility treatments they are having a very hard time coping with this kind of loss as a couple. This is a very touchy subject for me because I had a miscarriage earlier this year. It is honestly the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, probably more difficult than losing my father. If you have never been through a miscarriage you more than likely can not understand the emotional impact that it plays on a woman's life. Still to this day there is a certain amount of guilt that I feel. I worry at times that I did something wrong, that my bath was too hot, that I worked too much on my feet, that my weight caused it, that I ate the wrong things, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, I know that it is because there was something in the genetic makeup of the baby that wasn't right and that there was nothing I could've done. And that I should be happy that I know that I can get pregnant. But in reality, it doesn't take away from the fact that I had names picked out and that everyday I would walk through the baby aisle at Target picking out products that I wanted, and that when we first looked at the building we will soon be living in I worried about every little detail of every room thinking that we would soon have a little one crawling around. It also doesn't help the heartbreak when I think of being at the doctor's office and having the sonogram and seeing a black hole on the screen where there used to be a baby and then unfortunately making the tearful phone calls afterwards to let everyone know. At first I couldn't wait to get pregnant again. All I could think about was how fast can we replace this feeling with a baby. And then came the grief...Thank goodness I have a husband who allowed me to grieve for a baby that wasn't planned, that was actually a complete accident. Thank goodness he allowed me to cry and scream and act like a lunatic. I can honestly say that there were nights that I went to bed crying and couldn't bear to be touched and he laid there and listened to me cry and respected my desire to just fall apart. I can't imagine having to go through it without him.
Now we have put the whole baby thing on hold for a little while...it definitely scares me to try to conceive, I would be lying if I told you that I have no fears. It completely plays a part in me losing weight. I do not want my weight to be a factor in conceiving or being able to carry a baby to term and everyday when I step into the gym it motivates me. I hate it when people try to tell me that it will be okay and that we can try again and that we are so lucky that we are so young and have so much time (I'm 31, not really a spring chicken). I know that nobody knows what to say and that they are just trying to be supportive and I do truly appreciate it but I'm just being honest with you... it sometimes makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. It doesn't make it any easier that on a regular basis I receive coupons and formula and magazines congratulating me on the upcoming arrival of my first child. Oh how I wish I could get off the mailing list!!! When I think about the fact that I would be 9 months pregnant right now it kind of makes me feel like I am riding 60 miles an hour down the tallest hill of a roller coaster (The moment right when your stomach hits the floor).
I do know my time will come and I know that I will be someones mother someday. And even though I am scared, I will not let the fear rule my life. To the women and men out there going through this right now, my hope for you is that you give yourselves the gift of grieving for this child that most of the world does not even consider a child yet because it really has nothing to do with what stage of life your child is in, it has to do with your dreams of baseball games and dance recitals and names and midnight feedings. It is not only the loss of your child but it is the loss of what could have been. So if nothing else know that there is someone else in the world who knows your pain, but who is also learning to move past it day by day.
On a side note I did find a healthy snack at the State Fair of Texas ... They have very good rotisserie chicken, who knew right???
Tomorrow's client menus:
Jalapeno Chicken
Greek Chicken
Chicken and Beef Fajitas
Beef stew
Meatloaf
Cajun Tilapia
Mac and Cheese
all with fresh veggie packs ready to cook to order
Roasted Turkey legs with brown gravy
Shredded Chicken Tostadas with spanish rice
Mediterranean Tilapia topped with Artichokes, olives and feta with
roasted broccoli, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts
and Turkey meatballs with sauteed spinach and wild mushrooms
xoxo chef a
Wow, what a busy weekend I really don't know where to start so I'll just dig in. I left you on Friday when I was heading to the fair with Jessica to rule the pie competition. Well drum roll please, Jessica took an honorable mention for her Coconut Cream Pie! Yay so exciting, the competition is very intense let me just tell you the people who compete in these competitions are fierce so the fact that she walked away with a ribbon is incredible!!!!
Moving on to a more serious topic... I had a girls happy hour this weekend and one of my friends is going through a very difficult time in her marriage. She has been trying for years to conceive a child and after 2 miscarriages and lots of fertility treatments they are having a very hard time coping with this kind of loss as a couple. This is a very touchy subject for me because I had a miscarriage earlier this year. It is honestly the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, probably more difficult than losing my father. If you have never been through a miscarriage you more than likely can not understand the emotional impact that it plays on a woman's life. Still to this day there is a certain amount of guilt that I feel. I worry at times that I did something wrong, that my bath was too hot, that I worked too much on my feet, that my weight caused it, that I ate the wrong things, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, I know that it is because there was something in the genetic makeup of the baby that wasn't right and that there was nothing I could've done. And that I should be happy that I know that I can get pregnant. But in reality, it doesn't take away from the fact that I had names picked out and that everyday I would walk through the baby aisle at Target picking out products that I wanted, and that when we first looked at the building we will soon be living in I worried about every little detail of every room thinking that we would soon have a little one crawling around. It also doesn't help the heartbreak when I think of being at the doctor's office and having the sonogram and seeing a black hole on the screen where there used to be a baby and then unfortunately making the tearful phone calls afterwards to let everyone know. At first I couldn't wait to get pregnant again. All I could think about was how fast can we replace this feeling with a baby. And then came the grief...Thank goodness I have a husband who allowed me to grieve for a baby that wasn't planned, that was actually a complete accident. Thank goodness he allowed me to cry and scream and act like a lunatic. I can honestly say that there were nights that I went to bed crying and couldn't bear to be touched and he laid there and listened to me cry and respected my desire to just fall apart. I can't imagine having to go through it without him.
Now we have put the whole baby thing on hold for a little while...it definitely scares me to try to conceive, I would be lying if I told you that I have no fears. It completely plays a part in me losing weight. I do not want my weight to be a factor in conceiving or being able to carry a baby to term and everyday when I step into the gym it motivates me. I hate it when people try to tell me that it will be okay and that we can try again and that we are so lucky that we are so young and have so much time (I'm 31, not really a spring chicken). I know that nobody knows what to say and that they are just trying to be supportive and I do truly appreciate it but I'm just being honest with you... it sometimes makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. It doesn't make it any easier that on a regular basis I receive coupons and formula and magazines congratulating me on the upcoming arrival of my first child. Oh how I wish I could get off the mailing list!!! When I think about the fact that I would be 9 months pregnant right now it kind of makes me feel like I am riding 60 miles an hour down the tallest hill of a roller coaster (The moment right when your stomach hits the floor).
I do know my time will come and I know that I will be someones mother someday. And even though I am scared, I will not let the fear rule my life. To the women and men out there going through this right now, my hope for you is that you give yourselves the gift of grieving for this child that most of the world does not even consider a child yet because it really has nothing to do with what stage of life your child is in, it has to do with your dreams of baseball games and dance recitals and names and midnight feedings. It is not only the loss of your child but it is the loss of what could have been. So if nothing else know that there is someone else in the world who knows your pain, but who is also learning to move past it day by day.
On a side note I did find a healthy snack at the State Fair of Texas ... They have very good rotisserie chicken, who knew right???
Tomorrow's client menus:
Jalapeno Chicken
Greek Chicken
Chicken and Beef Fajitas
Beef stew
Meatloaf
Cajun Tilapia
Mac and Cheese
all with fresh veggie packs ready to cook to order
Roasted Turkey legs with brown gravy
Shredded Chicken Tostadas with spanish rice
Mediterranean Tilapia topped with Artichokes, olives and feta with
roasted broccoli, cauliflower, and brussel sprouts
and Turkey meatballs with sauteed spinach and wild mushrooms
xoxo chef a
Friday, October 9, 2009
It's your life
On the IPOD "Try" by: Asher Book
Alright well that whole writing at night thing didn't work... I'm having a fat morning! I hate being a girl today and my hair is not cooperating. Not a pretty day people! And its raining and I am supposed to go with my friend Jessica to The State Fair of Texas to support her in her mission to rule the Pie Competition. It should at least give us some funny life experience.
But first I have to go to work...
Winter Chopped Salad
Cut cucumber, celery and carrots
Low Fat Baked Ziti
Tofu Stir fry
Tuna Salad
Chunky Veggie Chili
Low Fat Brownies
Grilled Salmon with Corn and Pepper Relish
Jalapeno Chicken
This is not going to be an eating day at the fair so it should be interesting. It just shouldn't always have to be about food when you go to an event right? I just wish I wasn't feeling so very unattractive!!!
Im going to end this morning's blog by saying that everyday I feel so very lucky to have Mike in my life. I know it might sound cliche, but he truly, without trying, forces me to become a better me. And what Charlotte says in the Sex in the City movie about how often she is happy in her relationship and she says, "Well not all day, every day but yes, every day.." That's how I feel. And I am telling everybody out there that you deserve that. You deserve to feel loved and to be happy at least a little every day and if your not get out, change your life, find someone who tries to bring out the best in you. And not always in a perfect way but a challanging way. Be positive, give yourself the power to change your own path. I'm not trying to be all self help or anything but I am ready for the people in my life to start fighting for what they want in their lives instead of bitching about what they have... Look everyday I struggle with my weight, with how I look, with what to eat, and it sucks and I could sit around like I have for the last 25 years not dealing with it or I can fight for my life... I'm choosing to fight! Don't worry I'm still gonna bitch but I'm fighting !!!
xoxo chef a
Alright well that whole writing at night thing didn't work... I'm having a fat morning! I hate being a girl today and my hair is not cooperating. Not a pretty day people! And its raining and I am supposed to go with my friend Jessica to The State Fair of Texas to support her in her mission to rule the Pie Competition. It should at least give us some funny life experience.
But first I have to go to work...
Winter Chopped Salad
Cut cucumber, celery and carrots
Low Fat Baked Ziti
Tofu Stir fry
Tuna Salad
Chunky Veggie Chili
Low Fat Brownies
Grilled Salmon with Corn and Pepper Relish
Jalapeno Chicken
This is not going to be an eating day at the fair so it should be interesting. It just shouldn't always have to be about food when you go to an event right? I just wish I wasn't feeling so very unattractive!!!
Im going to end this morning's blog by saying that everyday I feel so very lucky to have Mike in my life. I know it might sound cliche, but he truly, without trying, forces me to become a better me. And what Charlotte says in the Sex in the City movie about how often she is happy in her relationship and she says, "Well not all day, every day but yes, every day.." That's how I feel. And I am telling everybody out there that you deserve that. You deserve to feel loved and to be happy at least a little every day and if your not get out, change your life, find someone who tries to bring out the best in you. And not always in a perfect way but a challanging way. Be positive, give yourself the power to change your own path. I'm not trying to be all self help or anything but I am ready for the people in my life to start fighting for what they want in their lives instead of bitching about what they have... Look everyday I struggle with my weight, with how I look, with what to eat, and it sucks and I could sit around like I have for the last 25 years not dealing with it or I can fight for my life... I'm choosing to fight! Don't worry I'm still gonna bitch but I'm fighting !!!
xoxo chef a
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Gummy Cokes
On the IPOD "Sticky-Sweet" by: Erin McCarley
My husband loves gummy cokes and although they were never my favorite growing up, I have grown to love them, not just any gummy coke though I am a purest I only eat Harbro. So we were watching a movie last night and I thought to myself you know what Amanda you deserve a couple. What I should've done at this point was to go and get a plastic sandwich bag and put like 10 in there, but of course I thought I could handle it... So I usually take two at a time so I have for each side of my mouth (don't ask me my mother taught me this). After about my 10th reach into the bag, Mike slowly grabbed the bag and moved it to the other side of him. My first instinct was to yell and scream at him about how this is my issue and to let me handle it, but a funny thing happened I looked over at him with a pout and asked some questions. My first one was, "Are you afraid I'm going to eat them all?" His response, "No babe, if you want them you can have them." Number 2 "Why did you move them over there?" response..."I just wasn't sure if you wanted them right here." Number 3 "Are you trying to help me?" response..."yep" my response..."ok." Now you have to understand how monumental this was because I have never been ok with people helping my with my weight loss. I would've thought that he was punishing me and that he thought I was gross and most likely my claws would have come out and I would have fought with him about how he overstepped his boundaries and if I wanted his help I would have asked for it. But I guess I have kind of changed...I am by no means saying that I want him or anyone else constantly taking food away from me, but for this brief moment I put my defenses down and accepted the help. It's very exciting!!
Today is a big ball of fun... I have therapy, the dentist and then shopping for clothes with Mike for his new job!!! And a workout is in there somewhere... It's fun to have the day off even if that means I am working all weekend! I will most likely be writing tonight because this whole writing at the break of dawn thing is overrated...Much love to my wonderful supporters out there, your texts, comments and emails are remarkable and thoughtful and are truly helping me so much! If you are reading this and are not a follower please join it just takes a minute and it means so much to me!!! And I finally... hit the big 25 pounds lost this morning, Thank you gummy cokes ;) !!
xoxo chef a
My husband loves gummy cokes and although they were never my favorite growing up, I have grown to love them, not just any gummy coke though I am a purest I only eat Harbro. So we were watching a movie last night and I thought to myself you know what Amanda you deserve a couple. What I should've done at this point was to go and get a plastic sandwich bag and put like 10 in there, but of course I thought I could handle it... So I usually take two at a time so I have for each side of my mouth (don't ask me my mother taught me this). After about my 10th reach into the bag, Mike slowly grabbed the bag and moved it to the other side of him. My first instinct was to yell and scream at him about how this is my issue and to let me handle it, but a funny thing happened I looked over at him with a pout and asked some questions. My first one was, "Are you afraid I'm going to eat them all?" His response, "No babe, if you want them you can have them." Number 2 "Why did you move them over there?" response..."I just wasn't sure if you wanted them right here." Number 3 "Are you trying to help me?" response..."yep" my response..."ok." Now you have to understand how monumental this was because I have never been ok with people helping my with my weight loss. I would've thought that he was punishing me and that he thought I was gross and most likely my claws would have come out and I would have fought with him about how he overstepped his boundaries and if I wanted his help I would have asked for it. But I guess I have kind of changed...I am by no means saying that I want him or anyone else constantly taking food away from me, but for this brief moment I put my defenses down and accepted the help. It's very exciting!!
Today is a big ball of fun... I have therapy, the dentist and then shopping for clothes with Mike for his new job!!! And a workout is in there somewhere... It's fun to have the day off even if that means I am working all weekend! I will most likely be writing tonight because this whole writing at the break of dawn thing is overrated...Much love to my wonderful supporters out there, your texts, comments and emails are remarkable and thoughtful and are truly helping me so much! If you are reading this and are not a follower please join it just takes a minute and it means so much to me!!! And I finally... hit the big 25 pounds lost this morning, Thank you gummy cokes ;) !!
xoxo chef a
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
12 years old
On the IPOD "Maybe I'm Amazed" By: Jem
It is interesting to me how we form our identities. I mean I guess the question is "Do we form our own identities?" I've been really digging into my past lately, trying to figure out what made me believe that my weight was who I am. It brought up some stuff that I really had not told many people until about a year ago, I guess I didn't realize how much it has been weighing on my mind...
Let's take you back to 6th grade, I was the new girl at a small private school. It was a religious school and we had services every morning. So there I am 12 years old sitting in a chair waiting for the day to start when a girl from the grade ahead of me walks up and says, "Hey Amanda, We found this history book, it's yours!" She then proceeded to hand me the book and then ran back to her three friends waiting, who were all snickering. When I opened the book it was covered with new reading material including such wonderful phrases as "Fat Cow", "Disgusting Bitch", "Blubber", "Big Butt", "FAT, FAT, FAT". I when I say covered I mean that it was written in sharpie in huge print everywhere. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I pulled myself together, closed the book, looked over at the girls (who did not seem to have any remorse), and silently turned back around not ever letting the girls know that it had even phased me. When services were over I gathered my stuff up and walked towards the door, I slipped the book into the trash and never spoke of it again.
At 12 I was probably a size 10. I was definitely not skinny, but to tell you the truth, looking back, I was far from fat. But I felt fat! These girls, who let me assure you were far from perfect, changed who I was that day. They made me hate going to school and hate myself for the way that I looked. The funny thing is that they had such low self esteems that they probably either didn't think that their words could hurt me so bad or they had their own weight issues. I can't believe that I wasted so much of my life hating them!! Today I am close to one of them and I'm sure a few of them have even read this blog. It is funny how life comes back around. I would be lying if I said that it was easy to just forgive and forget. It is painful! I have never brought it up to any of the girls...
I wish we could change the way we teach our children to look at other people. I wish that in general, compassion was not a learned trait but was instilled in each of us at birth. The shame really is that a 12 year old girl thought it made her stronger to not deal with it 19 years ago and unbeknown to her that decision probably changed her life.
xoxo chef a
It is interesting to me how we form our identities. I mean I guess the question is "Do we form our own identities?" I've been really digging into my past lately, trying to figure out what made me believe that my weight was who I am. It brought up some stuff that I really had not told many people until about a year ago, I guess I didn't realize how much it has been weighing on my mind...
Let's take you back to 6th grade, I was the new girl at a small private school. It was a religious school and we had services every morning. So there I am 12 years old sitting in a chair waiting for the day to start when a girl from the grade ahead of me walks up and says, "Hey Amanda, We found this history book, it's yours!" She then proceeded to hand me the book and then ran back to her three friends waiting, who were all snickering. When I opened the book it was covered with new reading material including such wonderful phrases as "Fat Cow", "Disgusting Bitch", "Blubber", "Big Butt", "FAT, FAT, FAT". I when I say covered I mean that it was written in sharpie in huge print everywhere. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I pulled myself together, closed the book, looked over at the girls (who did not seem to have any remorse), and silently turned back around not ever letting the girls know that it had even phased me. When services were over I gathered my stuff up and walked towards the door, I slipped the book into the trash and never spoke of it again.
At 12 I was probably a size 10. I was definitely not skinny, but to tell you the truth, looking back, I was far from fat. But I felt fat! These girls, who let me assure you were far from perfect, changed who I was that day. They made me hate going to school and hate myself for the way that I looked. The funny thing is that they had such low self esteems that they probably either didn't think that their words could hurt me so bad or they had their own weight issues. I can't believe that I wasted so much of my life hating them!! Today I am close to one of them and I'm sure a few of them have even read this blog. It is funny how life comes back around. I would be lying if I said that it was easy to just forgive and forget. It is painful! I have never brought it up to any of the girls...
I wish we could change the way we teach our children to look at other people. I wish that in general, compassion was not a learned trait but was instilled in each of us at birth. The shame really is that a 12 year old girl thought it made her stronger to not deal with it 19 years ago and unbeknown to her that decision probably changed her life.
xoxo chef a
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Bad Driver
On the IPOD "The Chain" by Ingrid Michaelson
So yesterday it was 4:38pm and I was downtown trying to get all the way up north for a Nia class at 5:15pm. I'm going to start out by saying I am not the best driver, I actually might be in the bottom tier of drivers. When I'm in a rush I have a driving style that is a mix between extremely aggressive, fast, slightly angry (well when you're not driving right!), and at times there might be some phone usage and makeup applications. I obviously don't drive this way when there are children present. I know you might hate me right now but I really am working on it...Anyways on my drive up the Tollway i might have made some other drivers angry, I mean it's possible that's all I'm saying. So I finally get there and the parking lot looked oddly empty...I grabbed my stuff and ran inside to find out that the teacher is sick and class has been cancelled. Ugh!!
I decided to go over to my mom's for awhile and have dinner (a salad with veggies and salsalito turkey and salsa). I really wanted to watch "Farm Aid" which I recorded so that I could watch one of my best friends Jessica drop it like it's hot. So worth it!! Love you Jess!! She was in the third row!! It's possible she might kill me for referring to this... Anyways I left my mom's at about 7:30 and on the way home I had the extreme urge to stop by Whole Foods. What I really wanted were some dark chocolate covered almonds and I figured that if I went home without them I might eat something worse so I made a quick trip. I got a very small amount of the dark chocolate peanut butter almonds, some soy crisps, jalapeno hummus, celery, carrots and some fresh turkey.
So I got home and ate the 7 almonds I allotted to myself and headed to the gym to walk them off. Much to my surprise the gym was filled with boys all watching Monday night football. So instead I power walked throughout my apartment complex for about 30 minutes (I know my father would be so upset at me for walking by myself, but I was on the phone and it was very well lit) and finished my workout on the bike in the gym for about 12 minutes. When I got back home I made the best snack ever...I filled celery sticks with the jalapeno hummus (pour out the oil on top it doesn't need it). It was sooo good....
So now I'm off to work.
Menu for today:
Teriyaki Beef Filets
Low fat mock Fried Rice
Hamburgers
My Mom's Meatloaf with mashed potatoes
Low fat Chicken Salad
Grilled Chicken
Low Fat Chicken Stir-fry with mixed veggies
P.S. If anyone has any great ideas for healthy snacks please comment them to me!! Thanks xo
Have a great day today!
xoxo chef a
So yesterday it was 4:38pm and I was downtown trying to get all the way up north for a Nia class at 5:15pm. I'm going to start out by saying I am not the best driver, I actually might be in the bottom tier of drivers. When I'm in a rush I have a driving style that is a mix between extremely aggressive, fast, slightly angry (well when you're not driving right!), and at times there might be some phone usage and makeup applications. I obviously don't drive this way when there are children present. I know you might hate me right now but I really am working on it...Anyways on my drive up the Tollway i might have made some other drivers angry, I mean it's possible that's all I'm saying. So I finally get there and the parking lot looked oddly empty...I grabbed my stuff and ran inside to find out that the teacher is sick and class has been cancelled. Ugh!!
I decided to go over to my mom's for awhile and have dinner (a salad with veggies and salsalito turkey and salsa). I really wanted to watch "Farm Aid" which I recorded so that I could watch one of my best friends Jessica drop it like it's hot. So worth it!! Love you Jess!! She was in the third row!! It's possible she might kill me for referring to this... Anyways I left my mom's at about 7:30 and on the way home I had the extreme urge to stop by Whole Foods. What I really wanted were some dark chocolate covered almonds and I figured that if I went home without them I might eat something worse so I made a quick trip. I got a very small amount of the dark chocolate peanut butter almonds, some soy crisps, jalapeno hummus, celery, carrots and some fresh turkey.
So I got home and ate the 7 almonds I allotted to myself and headed to the gym to walk them off. Much to my surprise the gym was filled with boys all watching Monday night football. So instead I power walked throughout my apartment complex for about 30 minutes (I know my father would be so upset at me for walking by myself, but I was on the phone and it was very well lit) and finished my workout on the bike in the gym for about 12 minutes. When I got back home I made the best snack ever...I filled celery sticks with the jalapeno hummus (pour out the oil on top it doesn't need it). It was sooo good....
So now I'm off to work.
Menu for today:
Teriyaki Beef Filets
Low fat mock Fried Rice
Hamburgers
My Mom's Meatloaf with mashed potatoes
Low fat Chicken Salad
Grilled Chicken
Low Fat Chicken Stir-fry with mixed veggies
P.S. If anyone has any great ideas for healthy snacks please comment them to me!! Thanks xo
Have a great day today!
xoxo chef a
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Perfect Ass
On the IPOD "Burbons and Lacs" by: Master P (Dedicated to Lauren)
and "Boom Boom Pow" by: The Black Eyed Peas
Yesterday when I left you I was on my way to Nia, to my surprise it was a repeat of "Madonna Day". I was thrilled because unfortunately last week I missed it to go to the Ingrid Concert. I mean what's better than Nia and Madonna....nothing really!! It was greatness and I got a free download of a new Madonna song yay!!
This morning I woke up, started the laundry and managed to make myself decent enough to go to the grocery store. Thank goodness I got to both stores without a single raindrop!! Got home, put groceries away, made lunch (a tuna caesar wrap), loaded a new playlist on my ipod and headed to the gym.
Just as I started working out this girl walks in and gets on the elliptical directly in front of me. She has to have the best ass I've ever seen... Hey and don't think I'm switching teams or anything we are taught at a very young age to survey the room for competition, it's ingrained in us. So there I am thinking to myself ...I wonder if you put our two backsides side by side...would mine be like twice as big?? So I try to stop my thought process... ok change the song , close your eyes...do something. And then I catch myself actually trying to feel my own butt...huh? maybe its not so bad... But then I get a glimpse of it in the mirror...well it's definitely "boom, boom pow!" but "not so bad" is a far cry from the best of phrase to describe it. I wonder what the girl in front of me thinks about her "perfect ass"? Does she love it? Or is she just like the rest of us who constantly pick on ourselves? Maybe she even hates it? It's funny I go to bed at night dreaming for a butt like hers and she probably goes to bed wishing hers looked like somebody else's. I almost complemented her on her great butt, but I didn't want to be too forward and I thought it might be a little weird since we didn't even know each other... Anyways I left the gym feeling inspired to get a great butt so plies and lunges here I come!!
xoxo chef a
and "Boom Boom Pow" by: The Black Eyed Peas
Yesterday when I left you I was on my way to Nia, to my surprise it was a repeat of "Madonna Day". I was thrilled because unfortunately last week I missed it to go to the Ingrid Concert. I mean what's better than Nia and Madonna....nothing really!! It was greatness and I got a free download of a new Madonna song yay!!
This morning I woke up, started the laundry and managed to make myself decent enough to go to the grocery store. Thank goodness I got to both stores without a single raindrop!! Got home, put groceries away, made lunch (a tuna caesar wrap), loaded a new playlist on my ipod and headed to the gym.
Just as I started working out this girl walks in and gets on the elliptical directly in front of me. She has to have the best ass I've ever seen... Hey and don't think I'm switching teams or anything we are taught at a very young age to survey the room for competition, it's ingrained in us. So there I am thinking to myself ...I wonder if you put our two backsides side by side...would mine be like twice as big?? So I try to stop my thought process... ok change the song , close your eyes...do something. And then I catch myself actually trying to feel my own butt...huh? maybe its not so bad... But then I get a glimpse of it in the mirror...well it's definitely "boom, boom pow!" but "not so bad" is a far cry from the best of phrase to describe it. I wonder what the girl in front of me thinks about her "perfect ass"? Does she love it? Or is she just like the rest of us who constantly pick on ourselves? Maybe she even hates it? It's funny I go to bed at night dreaming for a butt like hers and she probably goes to bed wishing hers looked like somebody else's. I almost complemented her on her great butt, but I didn't want to be too forward and I thought it might be a little weird since we didn't even know each other... Anyways I left the gym feeling inspired to get a great butt so plies and lunges here I come!!
xoxo chef a
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Woman in the Mirror
On the IPOD "Ghost" by Indigo Girls
Do you ever look like you do in the mirror, in pictures??? I mean don't get me wrong the pictures that Lara took are beautiful and clear and perfect as far as the picture is concerned. The problem is with the subject matter. I did have to hold back tears a little bit. I mean all I could ask myself is 1. how did this happen? and 2. Can I honestly do this? It was a little discouraging if truth be told. I know it will get easier and I know the 23 1/2 pounds that I've lost are noticeable but its like a drop in the bucket!! I don't know what I was expecting...obviously to look like a super model! For the skinnys (meant in a completely loving way) out there reading this, I don't see myself in the mirror like you see me! It's different I don't know exactly how to explain it to you it's like when you notice that you have gained 5 pounds it might take me 20 pounds to really notice. And it just sneaks up on you!! I just know that I have such an incredible battle ahead of me and it's scary. This is painful and hard and I don't want to fail...
I just want to be skinny!!!! I mean really can't I just have one wish. I know, it's a little embarrassing that that would be my wish but hey there is no shame in my game!
Yesterday was an interesting day! I had two clients with small weekend menues:
First client:
Tuna Salad
Whole wheat 4 cheese and tomato pizza
Szechwan noodles (whole wheat so amazing, must find way to make more low fat working on it!)
Cheese tray with fruits
Sugar Free chocolate chip cookies
Second client "Indian Princess" campout:
3 peppercorn crusted beef tenderloins sliced
24 jalapeno cheese sausages
I met my mom for an early dinner at Houston's where we shared grilled artichokes with no butter (so much better not greasy but still great flavor) and I had grilled salmon no butter or oil with steamed broccoli not my #1 choice for Houston's but it was good. I then decided to surprise Mike with some frozen yogurt ( really mainly a surprise for me, Mike doesn't tend to get excited about food) 1. Natural with strawberries, mango, and kiwi and 2. swiss chocolate and freach espresso with raw almonds. Too bad for me, I ended up falling asleep at 8pm and slept until 7 am. Obviously I'm a party animal, so the yogurts are sitting untouched in the freezer. Who even knew I was that tired?? Anyways, well I've got to get myself beautiful for Nia class so I'll be back later...
xoxo chef a
Do you ever look like you do in the mirror, in pictures??? I mean don't get me wrong the pictures that Lara took are beautiful and clear and perfect as far as the picture is concerned. The problem is with the subject matter. I did have to hold back tears a little bit. I mean all I could ask myself is 1. how did this happen? and 2. Can I honestly do this? It was a little discouraging if truth be told. I know it will get easier and I know the 23 1/2 pounds that I've lost are noticeable but its like a drop in the bucket!! I don't know what I was expecting...obviously to look like a super model! For the skinnys (meant in a completely loving way) out there reading this, I don't see myself in the mirror like you see me! It's different I don't know exactly how to explain it to you it's like when you notice that you have gained 5 pounds it might take me 20 pounds to really notice. And it just sneaks up on you!! I just know that I have such an incredible battle ahead of me and it's scary. This is painful and hard and I don't want to fail...
I just want to be skinny!!!! I mean really can't I just have one wish. I know, it's a little embarrassing that that would be my wish but hey there is no shame in my game!
Yesterday was an interesting day! I had two clients with small weekend menues:
First client:
Tuna Salad
Whole wheat 4 cheese and tomato pizza
Szechwan noodles (whole wheat so amazing, must find way to make more low fat working on it!)
Cheese tray with fruits
Sugar Free chocolate chip cookies
Second client "Indian Princess" campout:
3 peppercorn crusted beef tenderloins sliced
24 jalapeno cheese sausages
I met my mom for an early dinner at Houston's where we shared grilled artichokes with no butter (so much better not greasy but still great flavor) and I had grilled salmon no butter or oil with steamed broccoli not my #1 choice for Houston's but it was good. I then decided to surprise Mike with some frozen yogurt ( really mainly a surprise for me, Mike doesn't tend to get excited about food) 1. Natural with strawberries, mango, and kiwi and 2. swiss chocolate and freach espresso with raw almonds. Too bad for me, I ended up falling asleep at 8pm and slept until 7 am. Obviously I'm a party animal, so the yogurts are sitting untouched in the freezer. Who even knew I was that tired?? Anyways, well I've got to get myself beautiful for Nia class so I'll be back later...
xoxo chef a
Friday, October 2, 2009
The Good Soup
On the IPOD "Home" by Holly Conlan
So I made myself go work out last night even though I felt like a mix between a 95 five year old woman and a pissed off raving lunatic ( great mix right?) It's funny that I split up my workout in sets of 10 minutes. It's easier to get through it if I split it up. Dance class is different it flies by but for scheduling reasons it doesn't always work out.
I wouldn't say I'm obsessed or crazy (debatable I know) but I do have to admit that I weigh myself both before and after I work out. I don't stress myself over it, but I will admit that these last two pounds before I hit another 5 lost are really annoying me. I know it probably has to do with hormones and some people might mention something about a plateau. Well let me assure you if I am at a plateau right now then there are major things wrong with this world... So I'm drinking lots of water today because as God is my witness I will rule the scale!
So earlier in the day Mike and I went by central market to pick up some groceries. I gave him a choice fish or some kind of soup (although I was pushing for the soup, even though it's more chopping it's less pans to clean!) So soup it was! Most of the time when I cook for myself I just throw stuff together from whatever looks fresh at the store. I have to say the Chicken vegetable soup I made was sooooo good! Mike even asked, "your not going to give the rest away right?" Hey a girl's gotta take care of her mom too right?
Chicken Vegetable Soup
4 sweet bulb onions including green tops, chopped
1 shallot, minced
1 cup celery, chopped I trim the top of a whole bunch and chop down including leaves
2 cups carrots, small dice
1 large red pepper, diced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 16oz cans stewed tomatoes with basil and oregano
2 quarts chicken stock
1 1/2 pounds chicken tenders
1/4 cup of acini di pepe (tiny soup pasta)
salt and lots of pepper to taste
Spray bottom of a large soup pot with pam. Heat to a medium high and add onions, shallots, celery, carrots, and red pepper. Saute until onions start to become translucent. Add garlic and cook for 1 min more. Add tomatoes with juice and stock and bring to a boil. Add trimmed chicken tenders and continue to cook at a high simmer for about 20 minutes. Remove chicken to a plate and shred or chop. Bring soup back up to a low boil and add in pasta and seasonings. Add chicken back into the soup. Lower temperature to a simmer and continue to cook for about 20 minutes. Serve hot!!
I personally made it and then let it sit while I went to work out and shower. And then I just brought it back up to a boil for dinner. It was so good and barely any calories!! I like it spicy so adjust whatever to make it the way you like it. Have a great day!!
And please become followers!!! It means alot!!
xoxo chef a
So I made myself go work out last night even though I felt like a mix between a 95 five year old woman and a pissed off raving lunatic ( great mix right?) It's funny that I split up my workout in sets of 10 minutes. It's easier to get through it if I split it up. Dance class is different it flies by but for scheduling reasons it doesn't always work out.
I wouldn't say I'm obsessed or crazy (debatable I know) but I do have to admit that I weigh myself both before and after I work out. I don't stress myself over it, but I will admit that these last two pounds before I hit another 5 lost are really annoying me. I know it probably has to do with hormones and some people might mention something about a plateau. Well let me assure you if I am at a plateau right now then there are major things wrong with this world... So I'm drinking lots of water today because as God is my witness I will rule the scale!
So earlier in the day Mike and I went by central market to pick up some groceries. I gave him a choice fish or some kind of soup (although I was pushing for the soup, even though it's more chopping it's less pans to clean!) So soup it was! Most of the time when I cook for myself I just throw stuff together from whatever looks fresh at the store. I have to say the Chicken vegetable soup I made was sooooo good! Mike even asked, "your not going to give the rest away right?" Hey a girl's gotta take care of her mom too right?
Chicken Vegetable Soup
4 sweet bulb onions including green tops, chopped
1 shallot, minced
1 cup celery, chopped I trim the top of a whole bunch and chop down including leaves
2 cups carrots, small dice
1 large red pepper, diced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 16oz cans stewed tomatoes with basil and oregano
2 quarts chicken stock
1 1/2 pounds chicken tenders
1/4 cup of acini di pepe (tiny soup pasta)
salt and lots of pepper to taste
Spray bottom of a large soup pot with pam. Heat to a medium high and add onions, shallots, celery, carrots, and red pepper. Saute until onions start to become translucent. Add garlic and cook for 1 min more. Add tomatoes with juice and stock and bring to a boil. Add trimmed chicken tenders and continue to cook at a high simmer for about 20 minutes. Remove chicken to a plate and shred or chop. Bring soup back up to a low boil and add in pasta and seasonings. Add chicken back into the soup. Lower temperature to a simmer and continue to cook for about 20 minutes. Serve hot!!
I personally made it and then let it sit while I went to work out and shower. And then I just brought it back up to a boil for dinner. It was so good and barely any calories!! I like it spicy so adjust whatever to make it the way you like it. Have a great day!!
And please become followers!!! It means alot!!
xoxo chef a
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Low Fat Chunky Turkey Chili
On the IPOD "Somewhere with you" by Shane Mack
You have to go youtube "Ashley Arrison with Shane Mack" to get this song but I can tell you how to download it...
Oh my God my abs...Oh!...my!...God!...my!...abs! Oh, my God, my abs! I feel like someone is trying to rip my abdominal muscles out of my body. Who knew I even had muscles in there?? I'm going to go ahead and say that I must have a freaking 6 pack of ab muscles under this fat with the amount of pain I'm in. If only I could see them... The exercise ball is not my friend right now, we are in a serious fight!!!
Oh and I'm starving, not just hungry people, starving! My hormones are at an all time high. It's about to be girl time and my body usually has a chocolate backup to get me through but this month I'm coming with no ammunition. I'm pretty sure I might eat anything that has a small coating of chocolate on it.
Ok recipe time...
Low Fat Chunky Turkey Chili
2 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 medium onion, rough chop
1 red pepper, rough chop
1 anaheim pepper, rough chop
1 poblano pepper, rough chop
1 jalapeno pepper, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 1/2 tablespoons chili powder (whatever blend you like, I mix it up)
1 1/2 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. or to taste salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 28 oz. can petite diced tomatoes
2 cups chicken broth
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1 tablespoon masa
Brown turkey in a non stick pan over medium high heat and then move to the side and drain in a colander. Add all veggies and saute 2- 3 minutes. Add turkey back in and add all spices. Cook on medium about 2 minutes and then add tomato paste cook 1 min. more. Then add tomatoes and chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and add cider vinegar. Cook covered about 1 hour or until meat is tender. Add masa and cook about 5 minutes more or until thickened slightly. Serve hot with reduced fat cheese, avocado, red onion...
xoxo chef a
You have to go youtube "Ashley Arrison with Shane Mack" to get this song but I can tell you how to download it...
Oh my God my abs...Oh!...my!...God!...my!...abs! Oh, my God, my abs! I feel like someone is trying to rip my abdominal muscles out of my body. Who knew I even had muscles in there?? I'm going to go ahead and say that I must have a freaking 6 pack of ab muscles under this fat with the amount of pain I'm in. If only I could see them... The exercise ball is not my friend right now, we are in a serious fight!!!
Oh and I'm starving, not just hungry people, starving! My hormones are at an all time high. It's about to be girl time and my body usually has a chocolate backup to get me through but this month I'm coming with no ammunition. I'm pretty sure I might eat anything that has a small coating of chocolate on it.
Ok recipe time...
Low Fat Chunky Turkey Chili
2 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 medium onion, rough chop
1 red pepper, rough chop
1 anaheim pepper, rough chop
1 poblano pepper, rough chop
1 jalapeno pepper, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
4 1/2 tablespoons chili powder (whatever blend you like, I mix it up)
1 1/2 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. or to taste salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 28 oz. can petite diced tomatoes
2 cups chicken broth
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
1 tablespoon masa
Brown turkey in a non stick pan over medium high heat and then move to the side and drain in a colander. Add all veggies and saute 2- 3 minutes. Add turkey back in and add all spices. Cook on medium about 2 minutes and then add tomato paste cook 1 min. more. Then add tomatoes and chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and add cider vinegar. Cook covered about 1 hour or until meat is tender. Add masa and cook about 5 minutes more or until thickened slightly. Serve hot with reduced fat cheese, avocado, red onion...
xoxo chef a
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Karma is a Bitch!
On the IPOD "Thinking of you" by: Greg Holden
So I went with my mom to an "On the Ball" class thinking that it would be fun and a nice little stretch... I mean we bought some of those balls years ago and it was always great fun to bounce on them. Little did I know that it was going to be torture, my first clue should've been that every girl in the class was pretty ripped. I kept thinking "is this ball getting heavier? Maybe I should've gotten the smaller ball" I have never felt such intense pain in my abs, I even feel a bit nauseous this morning.
I treated myself to a concert with the girls last night. It was amazing , there is truly nothing better than live music. It creates such an amazing energy that I really think has the power to change your life. I mean a song has so much power it can make you happy or sad, it can inspire you, it can make you feel sexy...so many possibilities.
I made a very interesting discovery last night when I was discussing my life with my friend Jamie while I was a bit drunk (this is truly the best way to discuss your life.) I realized that what helps me lose weight the most is to have a certain amount of anger built up. Actually the more pissed off I get the more I stay on track. And it really helps when I'm working out. Its kind of an "I'll show you mentality" I mean not really a kind of it is!! So I'd like everyone to see if this holds true for you because maybe I should develop a set of work out tapes just being mean and pissing people off. If you start to think about a person who has been horrible to you, does it help your workout??? For me it seems to be the key! So I want to take this opportunity to thank all the people in my life who piss me off... because the joke is going to be on you!! And for the record to anybody in the last 25 years who has referred to me as a "fat ass" karma is a bitch!!
xoxo chef a
So I went with my mom to an "On the Ball" class thinking that it would be fun and a nice little stretch... I mean we bought some of those balls years ago and it was always great fun to bounce on them. Little did I know that it was going to be torture, my first clue should've been that every girl in the class was pretty ripped. I kept thinking "is this ball getting heavier? Maybe I should've gotten the smaller ball" I have never felt such intense pain in my abs, I even feel a bit nauseous this morning.
I treated myself to a concert with the girls last night. It was amazing , there is truly nothing better than live music. It creates such an amazing energy that I really think has the power to change your life. I mean a song has so much power it can make you happy or sad, it can inspire you, it can make you feel sexy...so many possibilities.
I made a very interesting discovery last night when I was discussing my life with my friend Jamie while I was a bit drunk (this is truly the best way to discuss your life.) I realized that what helps me lose weight the most is to have a certain amount of anger built up. Actually the more pissed off I get the more I stay on track. And it really helps when I'm working out. Its kind of an "I'll show you mentality" I mean not really a kind of it is!! So I'd like everyone to see if this holds true for you because maybe I should develop a set of work out tapes just being mean and pissing people off. If you start to think about a person who has been horrible to you, does it help your workout??? For me it seems to be the key! So I want to take this opportunity to thank all the people in my life who piss me off... because the joke is going to be on you!! And for the record to anybody in the last 25 years who has referred to me as a "fat ass" karma is a bitch!!
xoxo chef a
Sunday, September 27, 2009
To my Daddy
On the IPOD "La Isla Bonita" by: Madonna
I want to start off by saying that I love my father. We had an amazing relationship and I miss him terribly, but I feel that there is a lot I need to make peace with. I have been wrestling with the right time to talk about all of this and it really wasn't until a friend of mine commented about her own struggle that I realized that I needed to deal with this now.
Looks were always very important in my house mainly because we were representing my father. Unfortunately for me I could never play the part. I could never fit into the right clothes and when I did they never looked right. I can't even count the number of times that I was bribed with money and clothes to lose weight. At one point I even made a deal with him that if he quit smoking I would lose weight. These bets always ended up with me gaining weight...because it wasn't about the food it was about control. My dad constantly asked my mom, "Have you discussed Amanda's weight with her?" Almost like he didn't think I knew that I was overweight... I have spent my life trying to be accepted by him. He loved music so I became a singer and a good singer at that. But he would make remarks about how I should lose weight so that I could become famous. I became a chef and worked my way up to working for the elite in the Dallas area but it was never good enough or at least I never felt like it was good enough. He made me feel like I was limiting my possibilities of being the best all because I was "choosing" to be overweight. Now this didn't stop him from making biscuits every weekend. And he didn't change his diet so that I even had a remote chance of losing weight. But I was made to feel like I was choosing to hurt him or trying to embarrass him.
When he passed away I felt extreme sadness of course, but I have to tell you that I also felt like maybe a weight was being lifted off. The summer after he died I lost about 30 pounds. The response I got from the world around me was, "Oh Amanda, your dad would be so proud he had told us how much HE wanted you to lose weight." or "Your dad must be looking down at you smiling about how great you look." These were my parents friends, people who had no clue the battle I had been fighting for 30 years. I kept wondering how they could say this stuff to me...didn't they realize that it made me want to quit trying? Why didn't everybody just say, "you look great!" and leave it at that. I wanted to be accepted for me! I didn't want to change for him, it was for me! I hate that I spent my life trying to control my relationship with him with food. I hate that I didn't feel unconditional support.
The truth of the matter is that he probably never really knew or understood the way that I felt. He thought that he was helping me with all the bribes and the constant discussion of how beautiful I could be if I was just thinner. I don't blame him for all of my weight problems so please don't think that, but I do feel like I need to forgive him. So I forgive him, I forgive him for not being there for me in the way that I needed. I forgive him for having expectations that I felt were unreachable. I forgive him for not fully appreciating who I am as a person because it was just too difficult for him to get past my weight. And I forgive him for letting the way I look embarrass him. I love him with my whole heart and I wish everyday that I could just have one more minute with him. It is hard to sit here and not just cry...cry for the battle that I face with my own body everyday and cry for the countless hours that I have wasted feeling this way.
xoxo chef a
I want to start off by saying that I love my father. We had an amazing relationship and I miss him terribly, but I feel that there is a lot I need to make peace with. I have been wrestling with the right time to talk about all of this and it really wasn't until a friend of mine commented about her own struggle that I realized that I needed to deal with this now.
Looks were always very important in my house mainly because we were representing my father. Unfortunately for me I could never play the part. I could never fit into the right clothes and when I did they never looked right. I can't even count the number of times that I was bribed with money and clothes to lose weight. At one point I even made a deal with him that if he quit smoking I would lose weight. These bets always ended up with me gaining weight...because it wasn't about the food it was about control. My dad constantly asked my mom, "Have you discussed Amanda's weight with her?" Almost like he didn't think I knew that I was overweight... I have spent my life trying to be accepted by him. He loved music so I became a singer and a good singer at that. But he would make remarks about how I should lose weight so that I could become famous. I became a chef and worked my way up to working for the elite in the Dallas area but it was never good enough or at least I never felt like it was good enough. He made me feel like I was limiting my possibilities of being the best all because I was "choosing" to be overweight. Now this didn't stop him from making biscuits every weekend. And he didn't change his diet so that I even had a remote chance of losing weight. But I was made to feel like I was choosing to hurt him or trying to embarrass him.
When he passed away I felt extreme sadness of course, but I have to tell you that I also felt like maybe a weight was being lifted off. The summer after he died I lost about 30 pounds. The response I got from the world around me was, "Oh Amanda, your dad would be so proud he had told us how much HE wanted you to lose weight." or "Your dad must be looking down at you smiling about how great you look." These were my parents friends, people who had no clue the battle I had been fighting for 30 years. I kept wondering how they could say this stuff to me...didn't they realize that it made me want to quit trying? Why didn't everybody just say, "you look great!" and leave it at that. I wanted to be accepted for me! I didn't want to change for him, it was for me! I hate that I spent my life trying to control my relationship with him with food. I hate that I didn't feel unconditional support.
The truth of the matter is that he probably never really knew or understood the way that I felt. He thought that he was helping me with all the bribes and the constant discussion of how beautiful I could be if I was just thinner. I don't blame him for all of my weight problems so please don't think that, but I do feel like I need to forgive him. So I forgive him, I forgive him for not being there for me in the way that I needed. I forgive him for having expectations that I felt were unreachable. I forgive him for not fully appreciating who I am as a person because it was just too difficult for him to get past my weight. And I forgive him for letting the way I look embarrass him. I love him with my whole heart and I wish everyday that I could just have one more minute with him. It is hard to sit here and not just cry...cry for the battle that I face with my own body everyday and cry for the countless hours that I have wasted feeling this way.
xoxo chef a
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Don't break the ride...
On the IPOD "Feel Good Inc." by: Gorillaz
Sorry it has been so long but unfortunately when my brother Andrew is in town...It is kind of like nonstop activity. First off I want to say that my brother brought home just the sweetest girl ever and she really made yesterday at the fair fun!!
Wait, before you read all this food know that we were at the fair from 12 noon to 10:30pm. That's right we don't play around. And we only sat down for about an hour! So first off we tried the deep-fried butter, this was by far my favorite new item. It is not what you think... it is more like a round crispy biscuit with a dab of butter in the center. We got the grape flavor so there was a little grape jelly on the top. There were four quarter size balls and we split it so...one ball each. Mike and I shared a corn dog, which means I ate the outside and he ate the dog. Don't judge me!!! We all tried the twisted yam on a stick...not worth it we actually threw it out. We all got some polish sausage with spicy mustard, well the boys got beer brats but all the same...fantastic as always. They all shared a turkey leg, i don't do turkey legs. Everyone shared some curly fries... they were ok not crispy enough for me to waste calories on. Lastly I would like to share with you my absolute favorite thing to eat at the fair... The Triple Blast Popsicle at the nestle booth. I know right, but it is truly the best popsicle on the market. Just trust me it is a must and for only 4 tickets!! Other than that we drank and drank and drank, good thing for me is that i don't drink beer so I had to wait a long time between drinks because there is only about 3 places that serve bellinis.
We went though the auto show, the petting zoo, we watched the dog trick show and visited all the creative arts buildings and then we decided to go on some rides. So I know you are all going to think I'm nuts but to tell you the truth I don't really do fair rides because in my head I think that since they are movable, the chances that my weight will break them is very high. Now I know it's silly because I'm sure there are tons of people at the fair who weigh much more than I do but I'm just being honest and that's what I think. But as usual I was forced to ride, so we went on to a ride called "crazy mouse" ("a fast-moving roller coaster with 180-degree turns -- a thrill ride the whole family can enjoy together") What they don't tell you is that you are pretty much hanging off the side the whole time and if you are a fat girl who is worried about breaking the ride it's not real fun!! If you could have only seen my face...I was in standard protection mode head down, eyes shut, and face scrunched. I made it off though. Then it was off to the swans on the lagoon, much more my speed. So romantic, mike and I just peddling our little hearts out on a big white swan... Then we watched Andrew and Natalie take on some of the crazy rides and finished our fair day with a carousel ride. All in all it was a great day at the fair. The guilt set in at I'd say about 7 pm and is still in the back of my head, but I'm just gonna move forward and work my ass off the rest of the weekend.
xoxo chef a
Sorry it has been so long but unfortunately when my brother Andrew is in town...It is kind of like nonstop activity. First off I want to say that my brother brought home just the sweetest girl ever and she really made yesterday at the fair fun!!
Wait, before you read all this food know that we were at the fair from 12 noon to 10:30pm. That's right we don't play around. And we only sat down for about an hour! So first off we tried the deep-fried butter, this was by far my favorite new item. It is not what you think... it is more like a round crispy biscuit with a dab of butter in the center. We got the grape flavor so there was a little grape jelly on the top. There were four quarter size balls and we split it so...one ball each. Mike and I shared a corn dog, which means I ate the outside and he ate the dog. Don't judge me!!! We all tried the twisted yam on a stick...not worth it we actually threw it out. We all got some polish sausage with spicy mustard, well the boys got beer brats but all the same...fantastic as always. They all shared a turkey leg, i don't do turkey legs. Everyone shared some curly fries... they were ok not crispy enough for me to waste calories on. Lastly I would like to share with you my absolute favorite thing to eat at the fair... The Triple Blast Popsicle at the nestle booth. I know right, but it is truly the best popsicle on the market. Just trust me it is a must and for only 4 tickets!! Other than that we drank and drank and drank, good thing for me is that i don't drink beer so I had to wait a long time between drinks because there is only about 3 places that serve bellinis.
We went though the auto show, the petting zoo, we watched the dog trick show and visited all the creative arts buildings and then we decided to go on some rides. So I know you are all going to think I'm nuts but to tell you the truth I don't really do fair rides because in my head I think that since they are movable, the chances that my weight will break them is very high. Now I know it's silly because I'm sure there are tons of people at the fair who weigh much more than I do but I'm just being honest and that's what I think. But as usual I was forced to ride, so we went on to a ride called "crazy mouse" ("a fast-moving roller coaster with 180-degree turns -- a thrill ride the whole family can enjoy together") What they don't tell you is that you are pretty much hanging off the side the whole time and if you are a fat girl who is worried about breaking the ride it's not real fun!! If you could have only seen my face...I was in standard protection mode head down, eyes shut, and face scrunched. I made it off though. Then it was off to the swans on the lagoon, much more my speed. So romantic, mike and I just peddling our little hearts out on a big white swan... Then we watched Andrew and Natalie take on some of the crazy rides and finished our fair day with a carousel ride. All in all it was a great day at the fair. The guilt set in at I'd say about 7 pm and is still in the back of my head, but I'm just gonna move forward and work my ass off the rest of the weekend.
xoxo chef a
Friday, September 25, 2009
Fair Day!
On the IPOD "Winter Song" by: Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson
Well folks today is Fair Day! The State Fair of Texas is a Miller family tradition. To tell you the truth it was the one day that I was supported by the whole family to eat whatever I wanted to. And I assure you that most times I was able to live up to their expectation ;) ! The fair holds both extremely happy memories for me and very painful ones as well. I remember being there as a whole family and my dad being so knowledgeable about the animals and so excited about sharing the history of Texas with us. I remember how thrilled everyone was to try the new fair foods. And I remember my brothers and I fighting over who got to be in the driver seat of pretty much every car in the auto show.
But I also remember two years ago when my dad couldn't go because it was too painful to walk. And how I sort of just checked out of "real" life because I couldn't watch it. This is probably when I was the heaviest. I am very good at being strong on the outside, I would even say I've mastered it. But I broke down by myself in the car or in client's bathrooms. I was angry and hurt and I felt betrayed. I pretty much tried to take care of all of my friends so that I wouldn't have to take care of myself and then I would find something to eat... My eating is definitely my way of controlling. I couldn't control the cancer. I couldn't control when he was going to die. But I could eat whatever I wanted...
So today should be interesting because in a way you all will be there with me... I'm about to go take a dance class so I can get my metabolism going. Because I'm not gonna lie, I'm going to try some terribly awful foods today. I'm taking one for the team so that I can report back to you on whats worth it!! In a way though I'm starting to feel like I don't have that extreme urge to fill some kind of void with food. I'm not saying that tomorrow that urge won't be back but I'm hoping by confessing all my food secrets maybe Ill have to find some other way to control my life.
xoxo chef a
Well folks today is Fair Day! The State Fair of Texas is a Miller family tradition. To tell you the truth it was the one day that I was supported by the whole family to eat whatever I wanted to. And I assure you that most times I was able to live up to their expectation ;) ! The fair holds both extremely happy memories for me and very painful ones as well. I remember being there as a whole family and my dad being so knowledgeable about the animals and so excited about sharing the history of Texas with us. I remember how thrilled everyone was to try the new fair foods. And I remember my brothers and I fighting over who got to be in the driver seat of pretty much every car in the auto show.
But I also remember two years ago when my dad couldn't go because it was too painful to walk. And how I sort of just checked out of "real" life because I couldn't watch it. This is probably when I was the heaviest. I am very good at being strong on the outside, I would even say I've mastered it. But I broke down by myself in the car or in client's bathrooms. I was angry and hurt and I felt betrayed. I pretty much tried to take care of all of my friends so that I wouldn't have to take care of myself and then I would find something to eat... My eating is definitely my way of controlling. I couldn't control the cancer. I couldn't control when he was going to die. But I could eat whatever I wanted...
So today should be interesting because in a way you all will be there with me... I'm about to go take a dance class so I can get my metabolism going. Because I'm not gonna lie, I'm going to try some terribly awful foods today. I'm taking one for the team so that I can report back to you on whats worth it!! In a way though I'm starting to feel like I don't have that extreme urge to fill some kind of void with food. I'm not saying that tomorrow that urge won't be back but I'm hoping by confessing all my food secrets maybe Ill have to find some other way to control my life.
xoxo chef a
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Drop It Like It's Hot!
On the IPOD "What's Your Fantasy" by Ludacris & Shawna
I would describe my overall feeling today as fierce. I'm pretty much in control today and it's kind of a new feeling. I'm eating super healthy and feeling pretty freakin healthy. My Nia class this morning was amazing as usual and I'm feeling longer and leaner. Egg beater scramble for breakfast, grilled chicken and pico for lunch and sushi for dinner. Not really any snacks needed except a small spicy V-8.
I have to tell you that I keep playing this song over and over again. I know yall all think I'm joking when I tell you that I'm dancing but Oh how wrong you are! I'm trying to master the art of booty shaking (vibrating), you know what I'm talking about. Its really not so easy to isolate those muscles with out shaking everything else, see I bet right now you all want to try it, right? Don't lie you know you want to...just try it, no one is looking, its liberating! Come on hands up high, slight bend of the knees, start with an easy little hip swing and then just go for it. You might just have to play the song...I know it's a little dirty, but it won't kill you! Now for the big move...Go on "Drop it like it's hot!" ("Referring to a dance move where a girl drops her ass to the floor and gets freaky." UrbanDictionary.com) Good times..Good times! See it's hard not to smile...
Hit a milestone today...20 pounds out the door. That makes you want to shake your booty!
xoxo chef a
I would describe my overall feeling today as fierce. I'm pretty much in control today and it's kind of a new feeling. I'm eating super healthy and feeling pretty freakin healthy. My Nia class this morning was amazing as usual and I'm feeling longer and leaner. Egg beater scramble for breakfast, grilled chicken and pico for lunch and sushi for dinner. Not really any snacks needed except a small spicy V-8.
I have to tell you that I keep playing this song over and over again. I know yall all think I'm joking when I tell you that I'm dancing but Oh how wrong you are! I'm trying to master the art of booty shaking (vibrating), you know what I'm talking about. Its really not so easy to isolate those muscles with out shaking everything else, see I bet right now you all want to try it, right? Don't lie you know you want to...just try it, no one is looking, its liberating! Come on hands up high, slight bend of the knees, start with an easy little hip swing and then just go for it. You might just have to play the song...I know it's a little dirty, but it won't kill you! Now for the big move...Go on "Drop it like it's hot!" ("Referring to a dance move where a girl drops her ass to the floor and gets freaky." UrbanDictionary.com) Good times..Good times! See it's hard not to smile...
Hit a milestone today...20 pounds out the door. That makes you want to shake your booty!
xoxo chef a
Picture Perfect
On the IPOD "First Love" by: Adele
Well I had a photo shoot last night and I'm gonna be honest I was a little nervous because pictures don't hide much. It was all me, nobody else in the pictures, so I couldn't do my standard back row peek over the skinny girls move. But I went into it thinking that this would be great because I would be able to reference my weight loss so I really wasn't as worried about what I was going to look like in "not so slimming" chef clothes. Well ok maybe I was a little worried...
I was very lucky to have the most incredible team of artists helping me...
Photography: Lara Bierner of Lara Bierner Photography
Hair: Jessica Nichole of Michael Flores Salon
Makeup: Emily Smith of Tru Salon
These girls are so amazing! I actually felt pretty and sexy and ok all around. I can't wait to post the pics and I will just as soon as I can.
After the shoot we went for a bite to eat and I had a margarita, yay!! Just one, I did learn something on the sangria night last week... The whole experience was really fun, So thanks girls!
Because yesterday afternoon was so rushed to get everything done, I didn't work out until I got home last night. So there I was in full hair and makeup in ballet shoes dancing around the living room, now someone should've taken a picture of this! And then it happened, I started making out with the mirror. Well and the camera I might have taken some "facebook" photos of my sexy self too. So maybe that's the key, I'm just going to have to start getting my hair and makeup done before the gym everyday. And I'm not gonna lie I slept facing up the whole night so my eyelashes would hold though Nia class today, so ladies watch out because I have a date with the mirror at 9:45 this morning.
xoxo chef a
Well I had a photo shoot last night and I'm gonna be honest I was a little nervous because pictures don't hide much. It was all me, nobody else in the pictures, so I couldn't do my standard back row peek over the skinny girls move. But I went into it thinking that this would be great because I would be able to reference my weight loss so I really wasn't as worried about what I was going to look like in "not so slimming" chef clothes. Well ok maybe I was a little worried...
I was very lucky to have the most incredible team of artists helping me...
Photography: Lara Bierner of Lara Bierner Photography
Hair: Jessica Nichole of Michael Flores Salon
Makeup: Emily Smith of Tru Salon
These girls are so amazing! I actually felt pretty and sexy and ok all around. I can't wait to post the pics and I will just as soon as I can.
After the shoot we went for a bite to eat and I had a margarita, yay!! Just one, I did learn something on the sangria night last week... The whole experience was really fun, So thanks girls!
Because yesterday afternoon was so rushed to get everything done, I didn't work out until I got home last night. So there I was in full hair and makeup in ballet shoes dancing around the living room, now someone should've taken a picture of this! And then it happened, I started making out with the mirror. Well and the camera I might have taken some "facebook" photos of my sexy self too. So maybe that's the key, I'm just going to have to start getting my hair and makeup done before the gym everyday. And I'm not gonna lie I slept facing up the whole night so my eyelashes would hold though Nia class today, so ladies watch out because I have a date with the mirror at 9:45 this morning.
xoxo chef a
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Making out in the mirror
On the IPOD "Lovesong" by The Cure
Yesterday was not exactly a happy day...alright I'll admit it I pretty much didn't even answer the phone because my mood was so foul. I mean I'm hungry....And I'm so sick of people telling me that after the first week it should be better because of this so called "shrinking stomach". I call bullshit!! Its the third week people and I'm starving. So obviously my stomach missed the important phone call telling it to shut up. Ok , I should rephrase my stomach is not hungry it's pissed off because even after about 15 celery sticks it's still not happy because what it really wants is a slice of cheese pizza from Joe's Pizza in Greenwich Village, and yes I'm referring to New York. After trying to pick my third argument with Mike I decided it would be better for everyone if I just went to the gym for a little while.
So there I am sprinting on the treadmill when I notice that the guy two spaces down from me is actually making out with himself in the mirror. About every ten minutes he jumps off the treadmill and struts his way to the water fountain all the while starring at himself in the mirror. He's not a model, mind you. At first I even thought is he was doing it for my benefit but no I don't even think he noticed I was in the room. I wish I could love myself like that.... But no when I look at myself in the mirror it's more like... "really?" I don't know maybe it's a girl thing. We are trained at a very young age to know what are bad parts are. I remember looking at a "Cosmo" magazine when I was about thirteen and there they were...the boyish figure, the apple figure, and the pear figure. At that point I decided obviously I had the never wear a swimsuit in public figure! So today I've decided that I'm going to make out with myself in the mirror. If he can do it, I can do it!! I'll let you know how it goes later...
xoxo chef a
Yesterday was not exactly a happy day...alright I'll admit it I pretty much didn't even answer the phone because my mood was so foul. I mean I'm hungry....And I'm so sick of people telling me that after the first week it should be better because of this so called "shrinking stomach". I call bullshit!! Its the third week people and I'm starving. So obviously my stomach missed the important phone call telling it to shut up. Ok , I should rephrase my stomach is not hungry it's pissed off because even after about 15 celery sticks it's still not happy because what it really wants is a slice of cheese pizza from Joe's Pizza in Greenwich Village, and yes I'm referring to New York. After trying to pick my third argument with Mike I decided it would be better for everyone if I just went to the gym for a little while.
So there I am sprinting on the treadmill when I notice that the guy two spaces down from me is actually making out with himself in the mirror. About every ten minutes he jumps off the treadmill and struts his way to the water fountain all the while starring at himself in the mirror. He's not a model, mind you. At first I even thought is he was doing it for my benefit but no I don't even think he noticed I was in the room. I wish I could love myself like that.... But no when I look at myself in the mirror it's more like... "really?" I don't know maybe it's a girl thing. We are trained at a very young age to know what are bad parts are. I remember looking at a "Cosmo" magazine when I was about thirteen and there they were...the boyish figure, the apple figure, and the pear figure. At that point I decided obviously I had the never wear a swimsuit in public figure! So today I've decided that I'm going to make out with myself in the mirror. If he can do it, I can do it!! I'll let you know how it goes later...
xoxo chef a
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Cilantro Lime Chicken with Mango-Strawberry Pico de gallo
On the IPOD "Ice Cream" by: Sarah McLachlan
I bought a new scale at Target today. I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that as soon as it was in my cart all I was thinking about was what everybody must be thinking... It was like being 13 and worrying about the check out attendant having to do a price check on tampons. "Attention health and beauty, price check on a scale for the fat girl in aisle 12!" Kidding, but it was one of those moments for me kind of like stepping on and off an elevator and worrying that the other people noticed how much it moved. So anyways, I got it home took it out of the box and jumped on (not literally.) What a buzz kill! #1 It was registering 5 pounds heavier than the one I already have at home, I made Mike get on just to verify that his weight was 5 pounds more too. #2 To get your BMI and water weight percentage you have to store your weight in the memory. That was the deal breaker, so its going back... I will stick to my wii fit where I can have password protection thank you very much!
I made the most unbelievable chicken tonight so I thought you might all enjoy the recipe!
Cilantro Lime Chicken with Mango-Strawberry Pico de gallo
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1/4 cup lime juice
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/4 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
6 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 mangos, small dice
4 strawberries, small diced
1/2 red bell pepper, small diced
1/2 medium red onion, small diced
1/2 to 1 jalapeno, minced
2 Tablespoons or more cilantro chopped
2 Tablespoons lime juice
sea salt and cayenne pepper to taste
Marinate chicken with cilantro, lime juice, salt, and pepper. Let sit 15 minutes. Spray grill with Pam for grilling and then grill chicken over medium fire until done.
Mix rest of ingredients in a bowl and add seasoning to taste.
Serve chicken with pico on top or on the side.
I served this with Oven Roasted Asparagus and I made the pico super spicy with cayenne pepper. Everybody says it speeds up your metabolism so I'll take all the help I can get! This is the first night that I havent been starving at 10 pm. Pretty exciting!!!!
xoxo chef a
I bought a new scale at Target today. I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that as soon as it was in my cart all I was thinking about was what everybody must be thinking... It was like being 13 and worrying about the check out attendant having to do a price check on tampons. "Attention health and beauty, price check on a scale for the fat girl in aisle 12!" Kidding, but it was one of those moments for me kind of like stepping on and off an elevator and worrying that the other people noticed how much it moved. So anyways, I got it home took it out of the box and jumped on (not literally.) What a buzz kill! #1 It was registering 5 pounds heavier than the one I already have at home, I made Mike get on just to verify that his weight was 5 pounds more too. #2 To get your BMI and water weight percentage you have to store your weight in the memory. That was the deal breaker, so its going back... I will stick to my wii fit where I can have password protection thank you very much!
I made the most unbelievable chicken tonight so I thought you might all enjoy the recipe!
Cilantro Lime Chicken with Mango-Strawberry Pico de gallo
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1/4 cup lime juice
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/4 tsp. fresh ground black pepper
6 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 mangos, small dice
4 strawberries, small diced
1/2 red bell pepper, small diced
1/2 medium red onion, small diced
1/2 to 1 jalapeno, minced
2 Tablespoons or more cilantro chopped
2 Tablespoons lime juice
sea salt and cayenne pepper to taste
Marinate chicken with cilantro, lime juice, salt, and pepper. Let sit 15 minutes. Spray grill with Pam for grilling and then grill chicken over medium fire until done.
Mix rest of ingredients in a bowl and add seasoning to taste.
Serve chicken with pico on top or on the side.
I served this with Oven Roasted Asparagus and I made the pico super spicy with cayenne pepper. Everybody says it speeds up your metabolism so I'll take all the help I can get! This is the first night that I havent been starving at 10 pm. Pretty exciting!!!!
xoxo chef a
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Gift of Time
On the IPOD "Alone" by: Heart
So yesterday morning I managed to slip in an hour Nia class before starting my day of Rosh Hashanah cooking. It is weird that I am starting to look forward to it. I mean don't get me wrong working out always makes you feel good even if it hurts at the moment but for me it has always been so difficult to make it back the next day. But now that seems to be changing I mean it kind of feels like I'm giving myself a gift, the gift of time. For that hour my phone is off, I'm unreachable. It's hard because I'm the type of girl that sleeps with my phone next to me just in case there is an emergency, I freak out when my phone is running out of charge and I have literally left a grocery cart filled to the brim in the middle of a store because I realized I had left my phone in the car. Well obviously my co-dependency is coming out!! It's funny that my whole life people have referred to me as strong, tough, and independent, I have rarely felt strong, tough or independent I guess I'm a good actress.
I'm a pleaser if you haven't figured that out. I don't normally say no and I usually will not hesitate to take full blame for things just to make others happy even if it tears me up inside to not fight it. But I'm tired and I really think that I probably go to food to make myself feel better. Wow, that kind of hurt to say! So anyways not having food to go to is proving to be sort of emotionally difficult for everyone around me. I mean it's not as much affecting my relationship with mike (because I've always pretty much laid everything out there for him), but it is affecting some of my closest friendships.
I wish I could discuss what I made for Rosh Hashanah but I can't even think about food anymore... Tomorrow is going to be recipe Sunday, Ill be posting some healthy recipes I plan on trying this week. It's been a long day I was cooking at 5 am! Goodnight.
xoxo chef a
So yesterday morning I managed to slip in an hour Nia class before starting my day of Rosh Hashanah cooking. It is weird that I am starting to look forward to it. I mean don't get me wrong working out always makes you feel good even if it hurts at the moment but for me it has always been so difficult to make it back the next day. But now that seems to be changing I mean it kind of feels like I'm giving myself a gift, the gift of time. For that hour my phone is off, I'm unreachable. It's hard because I'm the type of girl that sleeps with my phone next to me just in case there is an emergency, I freak out when my phone is running out of charge and I have literally left a grocery cart filled to the brim in the middle of a store because I realized I had left my phone in the car. Well obviously my co-dependency is coming out!! It's funny that my whole life people have referred to me as strong, tough, and independent, I have rarely felt strong, tough or independent I guess I'm a good actress.
I'm a pleaser if you haven't figured that out. I don't normally say no and I usually will not hesitate to take full blame for things just to make others happy even if it tears me up inside to not fight it. But I'm tired and I really think that I probably go to food to make myself feel better. Wow, that kind of hurt to say! So anyways not having food to go to is proving to be sort of emotionally difficult for everyone around me. I mean it's not as much affecting my relationship with mike (because I've always pretty much laid everything out there for him), but it is affecting some of my closest friendships.
I wish I could discuss what I made for Rosh Hashanah but I can't even think about food anymore... Tomorrow is going to be recipe Sunday, Ill be posting some healthy recipes I plan on trying this week. It's been a long day I was cooking at 5 am! Goodnight.
xoxo chef a
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Day of Grieving...
On the IPOD "I'm in love with a big blue frog" By: Peter, Paul and Mary
So if you read last night you obviously know how I felt this morning. Not good with a hint of Jewish guilt. The good news is that with all the throwing up I really didn't even want to look at food till about 3 pm. The bad news is that this was my menu for work today:
30 pounds of Balsamic Braised Short Ribs
27 pounds of Roasted Brisket
200 Chicken Drumettes
20 pounds of Apricot Chicken
And this is just the beginning I get to continue cooking for the Jewish New Year tomorrow!!
To be perfectly honest I'm grieving a little bit over the loss of food today. I know it's a day to day struggle, but it's the constant planning. My days used to consist of, "what time is happy hour?" But now its all about workouts and meal planning. Don't get me wrong, I love the way I feel...I just stopped writing to glance over at my shoulder which I can say even looks a bit girlie today. And I love that people are noticing the weight I've lost, but food has always played the role of a best friend to me. Its the thing that I've always had to just take care of ME. It never talked back or had its own issues for me to solve. It is always there to comfort me and hasn't really ever let me down. I wish I could say that about everything in my life... So I'm throwing myself a little pity party tonight, I might be losing a best friend but I'm gaining the control of my life.
Before you go to bed tonight please take a moment of silence for the loss of my beloved friend Food. You will always have a place in my heart but I'm hoping to get you out of my head!
xoxo chef a
So if you read last night you obviously know how I felt this morning. Not good with a hint of Jewish guilt. The good news is that with all the throwing up I really didn't even want to look at food till about 3 pm. The bad news is that this was my menu for work today:
30 pounds of Balsamic Braised Short Ribs
27 pounds of Roasted Brisket
200 Chicken Drumettes
20 pounds of Apricot Chicken
And this is just the beginning I get to continue cooking for the Jewish New Year tomorrow!!
To be perfectly honest I'm grieving a little bit over the loss of food today. I know it's a day to day struggle, but it's the constant planning. My days used to consist of, "what time is happy hour?" But now its all about workouts and meal planning. Don't get me wrong, I love the way I feel...I just stopped writing to glance over at my shoulder which I can say even looks a bit girlie today. And I love that people are noticing the weight I've lost, but food has always played the role of a best friend to me. Its the thing that I've always had to just take care of ME. It never talked back or had its own issues for me to solve. It is always there to comfort me and hasn't really ever let me down. I wish I could say that about everything in my life... So I'm throwing myself a little pity party tonight, I might be losing a best friend but I'm gaining the control of my life.
Before you go to bed tonight please take a moment of silence for the loss of my beloved friend Food. You will always have a place in my heart but I'm hoping to get you out of my head!
xoxo chef a
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Just Say No To The Sangria
On the IPOD "Angeles" by: Elliott Smith
Note to self: When you have not being drinking or consuming sugar... Don't start off the evening with 4 sangrias, even small little kid sized ones!
So I went into today knowing that I was taking a cooking class with some fellow chefs tonight and I planned my meals according to what I thought I might be eating for dinner. I also busted my ass in the gym so that I felt a little better about giving myself the night off.
The menu for the class was as follows:
Baja Beer Battered Fish Tacos with Pickled Red Onion and Jalapenos and Baja Cream
Alambre De Bistec (Steak Tacos with Bacon, Onions and Pepper)
Chicken Tinga Puffy Tacos
Tacos Al Pastor ( Pork and Pineapple Tacos)
So what I thought was that I would definitely taste the fish tacos minus the tortilla, A small taste of the steak with peppers and onions, I would splurge on a small chicken puffy taco and I really didn't care anything about the Tacos Al Pastor. What I didn't count on was the continuous flow of very good sangria just while we were cooking. I stupidly thought "well you've been doing great have a drink and just relax." It was so good that after the first (Very small) glass I was like, screw the food!! Not realizing that my drinking abilities are not the same as they used to be. All of the sudden I was on my fourth glass (were talking about like a 4 ounce glass), I was feeling good, not really drunk just relaxed and we were just sitting down to eat. So I didn't over do it I just had a little chicken no taco shell, one small piece of fish with a little sauce and some peppers and onions. Well something happened that is just not right....
I skipped the drunk part and headed right for the sick part. It was obviously something about the mix of too much sugar, alcohol, and greasy Mexican food. Things that my body hasnt had to process in two weeks. But I learned a great lesson...it just isn't worth it to drink four sangrias.
Goodnight All
xoxo chef a
Note to self: When you have not being drinking or consuming sugar... Don't start off the evening with 4 sangrias, even small little kid sized ones!
So I went into today knowing that I was taking a cooking class with some fellow chefs tonight and I planned my meals according to what I thought I might be eating for dinner. I also busted my ass in the gym so that I felt a little better about giving myself the night off.
The menu for the class was as follows:
Baja Beer Battered Fish Tacos with Pickled Red Onion and Jalapenos and Baja Cream
Alambre De Bistec (Steak Tacos with Bacon, Onions and Pepper)
Chicken Tinga Puffy Tacos
Tacos Al Pastor ( Pork and Pineapple Tacos)
So what I thought was that I would definitely taste the fish tacos minus the tortilla, A small taste of the steak with peppers and onions, I would splurge on a small chicken puffy taco and I really didn't care anything about the Tacos Al Pastor. What I didn't count on was the continuous flow of very good sangria just while we were cooking. I stupidly thought "well you've been doing great have a drink and just relax." It was so good that after the first (Very small) glass I was like, screw the food!! Not realizing that my drinking abilities are not the same as they used to be. All of the sudden I was on my fourth glass (were talking about like a 4 ounce glass), I was feeling good, not really drunk just relaxed and we were just sitting down to eat. So I didn't over do it I just had a little chicken no taco shell, one small piece of fish with a little sauce and some peppers and onions. Well something happened that is just not right....
I skipped the drunk part and headed right for the sick part. It was obviously something about the mix of too much sugar, alcohol, and greasy Mexican food. Things that my body hasnt had to process in two weeks. But I learned a great lesson...it just isn't worth it to drink four sangrias.
Goodnight All
xoxo chef a
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Brisket and a Workout
On the IPOD "The World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies
Today was stressful to say the least... I went into it perplexed on how I was going to possibly fit everything in: 3 clients, workout, and then a quick dinner before mahjong with the girls. My day started at about 6 am. Let's just sum up the day by saying that I fit in a 40 minute workout at my first clients while a brisket was finishing and cooling. I'm becoming quite the multi-tasker with the help of my clients, thanks Tracy!! I even managed to run (not literally) to my mom's and whip us up a lovely dinner before heading to the girl's for mahjong. By the way, I forced myself(ok maybe a little dramatic) to eat so that I would not go crazy with the normal array of goodies at the game.
Dinner:
Cajun Red Snapper
medley of mushrooms, zucchini, and squash
and my mom's famous tomato cucumber onion salad (just the mix of veggies with a little low cal, low carb balsamic vinaigrette)
Now for all the emotional stuff. I have gotten so many amazing responses to this blog , but I would have to say that what surprises me the most are the number of my closest friends who can not believe that this is me writing. I have gotten everything from, "I didn't even know you had a weight problem!" (really?????) to "I thought you were so strong and I thought your weight was just who you are." What I think the hardest thing for most people to understand is why? Why would I choose to be so honest? Why would I lay it all out there? Well I guess for me, I need to tell my story. I've spent years hiding underneath this body and I'm truly tired of defending my weight. My weight is not who I am, but it's time to figure out what is! You are keeping me honest, you are allowing me to take responsibility and if at the end of the day it helps you, well then I guess we both win. So thanks! Thanks for being here to listen, thanks for being a part of this.
15 down!!!!!!!
xoxo chef a
Today was stressful to say the least... I went into it perplexed on how I was going to possibly fit everything in: 3 clients, workout, and then a quick dinner before mahjong with the girls. My day started at about 6 am. Let's just sum up the day by saying that I fit in a 40 minute workout at my first clients while a brisket was finishing and cooling. I'm becoming quite the multi-tasker with the help of my clients, thanks Tracy!! I even managed to run (not literally) to my mom's and whip us up a lovely dinner before heading to the girl's for mahjong. By the way, I forced myself(ok maybe a little dramatic) to eat so that I would not go crazy with the normal array of goodies at the game.
Dinner:
Cajun Red Snapper
medley of mushrooms, zucchini, and squash
and my mom's famous tomato cucumber onion salad (just the mix of veggies with a little low cal, low carb balsamic vinaigrette)
Now for all the emotional stuff. I have gotten so many amazing responses to this blog , but I would have to say that what surprises me the most are the number of my closest friends who can not believe that this is me writing. I have gotten everything from, "I didn't even know you had a weight problem!" (really?????) to "I thought you were so strong and I thought your weight was just who you are." What I think the hardest thing for most people to understand is why? Why would I choose to be so honest? Why would I lay it all out there? Well I guess for me, I need to tell my story. I've spent years hiding underneath this body and I'm truly tired of defending my weight. My weight is not who I am, but it's time to figure out what is! You are keeping me honest, you are allowing me to take responsibility and if at the end of the day it helps you, well then I guess we both win. So thanks! Thanks for being here to listen, thanks for being a part of this.
15 down!!!!!!!
xoxo chef a
Monday, September 14, 2009
"Ms. New Booty"
On the IPOD "Ms New Booty" by Bubba Sparxxx featuring Ying Yang Twins/Mr. ColliPark
So I feel like this should be my anthem of the day!! I'm pretty sure there are muscles in my booty that are making a first time appearance. I have never been this sore in my life, I'm not gonna lie I might have even shed a little tear just by sitting in the car on the way to work this morning. Four grocery stores (Halloween candy= torture), two clients, meat pickup downtown...all in a days work.
Then the clock struck 4. What is it about 4 o'clock that makes me soooo hungry? I think it has something to do with after school snack. It's like ingrained into my brain that i deserve something and not just anything but a treat. So I broke down and had some whole grain crackers ( yeah exactly what a treat right?) What i really wanted was a Skor bar, Thin crust pizza with fresh mozzarella and tomato sauce, oreos and milk, Doritos, the list goes on and on, really just about anything over 200 calories and/or 15 grams of fat would have done the trick, but 60 calories of whole grain crackers is what I got. How depressing.... Anyways I made myself do an at home hip hop ballet class which I love because it always makes my posture better. For dinner I made my new protein specialty. I know you're gonna think it sounds gross but it's really pretty good especially after a work out and I'm starving
Amanda's Work Out Special
3/4 cup of eggbeaters
1 cup of broccoli, cut into little florets
1 thick slice of tomato, diced
1 garlic cloves, minced
1 slice of 2% pepperjack cheese, diced
sea salt and seasoned pepper
and lots and lots of chunky salsa
Ok so you gotta spray the pan even if it is nonstick, just trust me on this..
Add broccoli, tomato and garlic to the pan and saute over high heat until the broccoli just turns bright green, still crisp. Add the eggbeaters and scramble until done to liking quickly stir in the cheese and serve with salsa. Yum! You could really add any veggies I just happen to be on an extreme broccoli kick.
So I feel like this should be my anthem of the day!! I'm pretty sure there are muscles in my booty that are making a first time appearance. I have never been this sore in my life, I'm not gonna lie I might have even shed a little tear just by sitting in the car on the way to work this morning. Four grocery stores (Halloween candy= torture), two clients, meat pickup downtown...all in a days work.
Then the clock struck 4. What is it about 4 o'clock that makes me soooo hungry? I think it has something to do with after school snack. It's like ingrained into my brain that i deserve something and not just anything but a treat. So I broke down and had some whole grain crackers ( yeah exactly what a treat right?) What i really wanted was a Skor bar, Thin crust pizza with fresh mozzarella and tomato sauce, oreos and milk, Doritos, the list goes on and on, really just about anything over 200 calories and/or 15 grams of fat would have done the trick, but 60 calories of whole grain crackers is what I got. How depressing.... Anyways I made myself do an at home hip hop ballet class which I love because it always makes my posture better. For dinner I made my new protein specialty. I know you're gonna think it sounds gross but it's really pretty good especially after a work out and I'm starving
Amanda's Work Out Special
3/4 cup of eggbeaters
1 cup of broccoli, cut into little florets
1 thick slice of tomato, diced
1 garlic cloves, minced
1 slice of 2% pepperjack cheese, diced
sea salt and seasoned pepper
and lots and lots of chunky salsa
Ok so you gotta spray the pan even if it is nonstick, just trust me on this..
Add broccoli, tomato and garlic to the pan and saute over high heat until the broccoli just turns bright green, still crisp. Add the eggbeaters and scramble until done to liking quickly stir in the cheese and serve with salsa. Yum! You could really add any veggies I just happen to be on an extreme broccoli kick.
"Booty, Booty, Booty, Booty rockin everywhere"
Good night all!! xoxo chef a
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