As I sit here at 10:15pm the night before the last day of school... I am a bit of a mess. I really didn't expect to be, but alas here I am a super anxious, worried, over-analyzing ball of energy. And to think last week I thought it was so crazy that my 4 year old was/is having concerns over the school year being over and the fact that someone is about to "move his cheese." I have no idea where he gets that from... But I digress...
Maybe it's the fact that time is flying by so fast or the uncertainty of what the next year will bring but to be honest it feels a little bit like the last day of summer camp. We are about to have the last friendship circle and as we burst into tears about leaving this place that we called home for the last month it strikes us that the reason we are crying is because we realize that we will never get this moment back... It will never be the same...
Today as I picked Levi up from what was his last full day in the 3s it was two fold... I looked at him and I saw the anxiety in his eyes. "Only one more day..." he told me as he hugged me hello... "I know, sweet boy" were the only words I could muster to say. In my heart, I know that he is ready to move forward, but as I watched him on the playground today it struck me... Which, if any, of these friends have become an "it" person for him? Am I doing my job to support the friendships he has made this year? Will he come back in the fall and be able to pick up where they left off? Will I? What about my mommy "it" friends? Is this the beginning of a lifetime friendship or will we gently go back to our "new regular" life this summer and this will be that year we were really close? So many unanswered questions...
I've been actually feeling this anxious pull about the school year ending for awhile now. It's funny how life works, just when you feel like you are getting in your groove, life changes... Don't get me wrong, we are going to have a blast this summer. I will not miss Levi's ever present runny nose or the argument over school year bedtimes. But I will miss this moment in time... This is the last of the baby years. Whether any of us agree with it or not in PreK shit gets real...
When I discussed my concerns and fears with my resident advisor ie: my therapist :)
She reminded me that my feelings are all valid and pretty normal especially for a girl who has never been big on change. She told me to do something that at the time seemed crazy to me... She said to say my piece...If you don't want to see a friendship end... Be honest, tell the friend. If it's hard for you to say it... Find a song, Write it...
And she is right, well she is always right...
I am a believer of true friendship. I pride myself on having real friendships that lack bullshit. I am straightforward, honest to a fault, an absolute overgiver, and despite my seemingly confident personality, inside there is a girl who is nervous about everything lol. But tomorrow as we leave Levi's school as a Prek student and as a veteran preschool mommy we will have said our piece... I will use this day to teach my 4 year old how to make sure that the people who have touched our lives over the last 9 months, know that they mean something to us. That their friendship has actually changed our life... And we are thankful for that... I will not worry if he sees me shed a tear over this year being over because I want him to know how very lucky we are to feel like our experience has been so great that there is actually something to miss... Many people aren't lucky enough to care...
Something tells me that the book "Who moved my cheese?" will become a staple in this house, but I'm really ok with that... I'm so lucky to have this sweet sensitive little boy who lights up my life and reminds me everyday what's really important.
Xoxo chef a
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