4 years...

On the IPOD "Pictures" By: Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Here I sit at 3am January 7th once again... It's like we are old friends in a way... My mind goes back and forth, this days events still fresh as if they are just now happening, even four years later, like I'm sort of reliving them.  If I had only known four years ago at 3am that it would be the last time I would see my dad conscious maybe I would have done something different... Maybe I would've said all the things that I said the entire next day or maybe I would've just sat in the room with him instead of making my way back to bed...

After I throw my little pity party of regrets I then think of all that has happened in our family in the last four years... My brother Adam and Audra got married, we lost my Aunt Mickie and my Aunt Charlotte, Mike and I got married, We lost a baby ...then almost a year to the day ago We were given the best present in the world...Levi was born, we lost my granny 6 weeks later, and now Levi will be celebrating his first birthday tomorrow,  Adam and Audra are a month away from having a baby boy and my brother Andrew and Natalie are engaged... How could so much change in just four years?

It makes me miss him more... I wonder what he thinks if all of this... I know he is proud of us but I would be lying if I told you that knowing that was enough...

xoxo chef a