On the IPOD "Hazy (Feat. William Fitzsimmons)" By: Rosi Golan
Can not even explain how happy I am to be able to sit at this computer, in this semi dark room, by myself, while baby Levi and Mike are napping in the bedroom!
I swear I'm trying to find the time to get everything done...I think what I need is a voice recorder because I write blogs in the car all day long...its just getting them actually written that is the problem....
I watch my fair amount of television including some talk shows but I would not really consider myself committed to any of them except maybe "Parenthood" and 'Modern Family". But I have been an Oprah fan. I have not seen every show nor have I ever really been on board with the various other speakers she has invented...ie: Dr. Phil (ya I went to school with his kid it's really hard for me to understand his parenting logic when his kid drove an extremely expensive first car and is now married to a playboy bunny), Dr. Oz, or Nate. But I have loved her honest approach to life and some of her her guests are downright amazing. So when the last episode aired I have to admit I was sitting in awe of what she has accomplished.
Two of her quotes have hit me to my core:
"There's a difference between thinking you deserve to be happy and knowing that you are worthy of being happy."
"You have to know what sparks the light in you so that you in your own way can illuminate the world. You have the power to change somebody's life."
I have been feeling pulled in my life which I think is pretty normal with a new baby, but when Oprah said these words to me (because that's what it felt like) it set off a rush of emotions. Don't get me wrong I love to cook and I love my job but it is not sparking any lights right now that's for sure! I used to think that if I could do anything in the world well besides a mom cause that has always been in the cards.... I would be a singer/songwriter...but that ship sailed long ago...and now singing has turned into a personal release that happens during Levi's nightly song session, the occasional karaoke night, and the concert I put on in the car everyday. So besides being a Mom...what sparks my light?
Oddly enough... although you could probably never convince my high school English teachers...writing sparks my light...writing is what I want to do...writing makes me happy! Cooking makes me happy too but I think I'm just burnt out from cooking right now or maybe I'm just burnt out from cooking for my clients. All I know is that the days I sit down at this computer and the days I hear back from all of you...are just better days! So I guess the next step is to allow myself to believe that I am worthy of being happy. I'm not quiting my job or anything crazy like that...but I WILL BE A WRITER! (Funny that I accidentally hit the caps lock before writing that... no joke!)
So thank you Oprah for somehow giving me permission to find out what sparks my light and for saying that I'm worth it! And thank you all for letting me say it out loud.
xoxo chef a